ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 That is obvious isn't it? The reasons why some shouldn't have children was illustrated in your posts. But that had nothing to do with your choices personally. I just used your post to support why I think that some should not have children. Of course you will do what you want. Who was trying to stop you. I already told you what I was doing to where you were concerned. I'm making it very clear I don't need or want your opinion about how I am when I have kids. I don't have them yet and when I do maybe ill learn as I go Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I'm making it very clear I don't need or want your opinion about how I am when I have kids. I don't have them yet and when I do maybe ill learn as I go I was clear before you posted that I have no control over people, their thoughts or actions other than those I have a relationship with and we have mutual respect for. I have known that since I was a teen. But I am pleased you are clear on it. I will keep praying. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I was clear before you posted that I have no control over people, their thoughts or actions other than those I have a relationship with and we have mutual respect for. I have known that since I was a teen. But I am pleased you are clear on it. I will keep praying. Good luck with your praying, since you don't even know me you should just keep me out of your prayers I don't need them. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Good luck with your praying, since you don't even know me you should just keep me out of your prayers I don't need them. Can't do that. I pray for many I don't know. The people of disasters. The infant daughter of the couple killed in the murder/suicide Sat. The people of the NE. The people of 3rd world countries.....it is part of the faith. Be an intercessor for our fellow man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Can't do that. I pray for many I don't know. The people of disasters. The infant daughter of the couple killed in the murder/suicide Sat. The people of the NE. The people of 3rd world countries.....it is part of the faith. Be an intercessor for our fellow man. But you are praying for horrible things for me and I don't need it or you so pray for those people I don't want or need your prays unless you ar praying for me to meet the hottest guy ever and have a baby as soon as possible.. Unless that's your prayer I don't give a poop about you praying for me Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Parenting is hard, hard work.. that doesn't mean that hard equals negative either... That is simply because the positive out weighs the negative by such a great amount that the negative doesn't matter. The negative is there.. just like IRL in your job for example.. there is negative there too but the positive of your job hopefully will outweigh the negative that you don't even think about it. Very true. (I don't know by experience of having kids, but I do know from the experience of being a kid and giving my parents both positive and negative experiences). Thankfully, the positive is way more than the negative. My parents' love has always been unconditional, though they believed in consequences for misbehaving. I really appreciate all they suffered on account of me, and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!! :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 If I was religious I'd be praying for IB's yet to exist kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 But you are praying for horrible things for me and I don't need it or you so pray for those people I don't want or need your prays unless you ar praying for me to meet the hottest guy ever and have a baby as soon as possible.. Unless that's your prayer I don't give a poop about you praying for me Please don't have a baby as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Please don't have a baby as soon as possible. I have no one to make a baby with right now. I'm not a fool I know I need a job to support the kid, and a house/apartment in a nice area with a good school district and I need a good guy who would be a really good dad and would be really adorable and buy me food in the middle of the night, and take really cute maternity pictures (the ones when the people make the heart with their hands and put it on the belly, or they have the pink/blue ribbon on the belly and the dad is kneeling down and kissing the belly:love::love:), and would help out in diaper duty, and kiss my belly, and be a good dad to our babies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I have no one to make a baby with right now. I'm not a fool I know I need a job to support the kid, and a house/apartment in a nice area with a good school district and I need a good guy who would be a really good dad and would be really adorable and buy me food in the middle of the night, and take really cute maternity pictures (the ones when the people make the heart with their hands and put it on the belly, or they have the pink/blue ribbon on the belly and the dad is kneeling down and kissing the belly:love::love:), and would help out in diaper duty, and kiss my belly, and be a good dad to our babies. Having a baby isn't all fun and rainbows. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Having a baby isn't all fun and rainbows. I know it isn't, but I think the good times would outweigh the bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Having a baby isn't all fun and rainbows. Nope, but the precious moments make it very worthwhile for the Mommies. Also, the idea of those precious moments make it very alluring for women who want to be Mommies. I just melted when I read what ImperfectionisBeauty wrote, because those are the kind of memories I very much hope to have when, if God wills, my husband and I have kids. They are priceless and so beautiful. It makes the idea of the pain one can experience in the giving birth process not as scary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 This is the part I wonder about the allegedly "happy" parents. Child rearing is not all rainbows and sunshine, at least half of the time its frustration and misery because you cant turn the kid off, you get no rest. You are right. Compared to my pre-mothering days, when I could stay up until 2 AM, sleep until noon, and spend my off days lying around watching movie marathons, I get no rest. But WORK doesn't equal misery. It's just a different lifestyle. Yeah, I don't have much downtime, but my work has a lot of meaning and fulfillment. The babies get sick, soil themselves, kids have temper tantrums, you have to deal with kids hitting each other in school, catching each others diseases, possibly be deformed at birth.. Kids age you faster. Except for the "deformed at birth" part, these are just parts of life as a parent. Personally I don't find cleaning messes, or even dealing with temper tantrums, that big of a deal. I have a lot of patience, and am able to always remember my son is a separate person with his own emotions and motivations. Temper tantrums are simply communication by a person who hasn't yet learned the language to share how they feel. But even a healthy child is a complete PITA to deal with, but you NEVER see/hear the parents talking about when they are miserable with their kids, its always positive. So I call out the phoniness. Theres WAY too much going on with child rearing for it to be all positive all the time. You know... I am putting a lot of thought into what you said here, and I can tell you that I believe it is positive all the time - for me. I understand every child and parent have different personalities and challenges, and it can be different for others. But for me... it's positive. When he is sick, I am sad for him, but I also get to snuggle him and care for him, which brings me joy. When he is cranky, I get to teach him about how to communicate his feelings, which fulfills me. And the rest of the time - he is just amazing. He is funny, inquisitive, loving, caring, and mostly calm. Because *I* am mostly calm, and have taught him to be that way. What percentage of the time does this child give you the rewarding joy you speak so often of about? 100%. Even in the early days when I was crying from lack of sleep, there was not ONE MOMENT I would have taken it back and not had a baby. Even as I was drooling on myself and seeing double, my heart was full of love and gratefulness. But the NOW was a misery, and he didnt want to admit it. He just knows that he has to endure it because its a part of the process. I haven't ever described it as "misery" either. Even when I was carrying my son up the stairs over my shoulder while he was having a crying fit, I had a smile on my face. I do not internalize things like temper tantrums. I realize though, that it's due to my personality. It's all perspective though, and balancing expectations against reality. When you become a parent, you KNOW you will deal with cleaning poop and vomit, tantrums, sickness, etc. Those are a given. So if you know that will cause you "misery", then parenting isn't for you. But none of those things are a big deal to me. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 you guys are making this wayyyyy to complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I will openly admit that parenting sometimes involves misery. Being up late at night worrying over a sick child is pretty miserable stuff! But, ime, the experience of parenting--the joy and the suffering--is not something that can be weighed out by percentages of time, or +/- lists. The joys of parenting are incomparable to any other joy I've ever experienced in my life. To experience that specific quality of joy in my lifetime is worth a significant amt of suffering sleepless nights and temper tantrums. This may be difficult to understand without actually having desired and lived the experience. For me, being a parent is an important part of living my life as fully as possible, not living it as easily as possible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) All of the above are valid points, and it's really up to the individual to decide what's best for them. For some people, parenthood can be very rewarding and outweighs the difficulties it brings. For others, parenthood can bring tremendous stress and difficulties and often the child could be a target of this stress. You don't know the child's future and how he/she will grow up. You have to be prepared for things like ADD, ADHD, mental disorders and possible life-altering developmental disorders. In addition to the pros of having children, some of the cons are: -Having to find a sitter each time you'd like to go out with your spouse. (We all hate those people who bring a baby or toddler into a PG-13 or R rated movie theater) -School districts, PTA meetings and various other responsibility required. This is hard especially for dual income families working a set schedule. You can no longer move wherever you want and you will have very limited time to yourself. -For women, you cannot eat or drink quite a bit of things for not only how long you're pregnant, but also consider the length of time you're breastfeeding, that also applies. -Some people aren't able to lose the weight after kids or look the same as they did before. -You cannot travel extensively as your life now revolves around your children. -Cost is also a big factor. Kids cost plenty of money...car upgrades, home upgrades, daycare, braces, glasses etc etc I also cannot stand those with kids who think they deserve special treatment because they have a baby or toddler with them. Having a baby is a choice...live with it. Edited December 3, 2012 by pink_sugar 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 But you are praying for horrible things for me and I don't need it or you so pray for those people I don't want or need your prays unless you ar praying for me to meet the hottest guy ever and have a baby as soon as possible.. Unless that's your prayer I don't give a poop about you praying for me I am not praying for horrible things for you. If it is not a poop you give then don't worry about it. Go on with your life as usual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I am not praying for horrible things for you. If it is not a poop you give then don't worry about it. Go on with your life as usual. Definitely agree. IIB, you're only like 21, right? What's the rush? You still have your whole life ahead of you. I've had my moments of really wanting a baby badly, but now I'm debating whether or not to have kids at all. Wait until you're at least 25 before thinking about kids. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I am not praying for horrible things for you. If it is not a poop you give then don't worry about it. Go on with your life as usual. We both know you are and it's terrible of you to wish bad things on me Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 We both know you are and it's terrible of you to wish bad things on me I said I was praying that you didn't have children until you are more mature and your posts seem to say that won't be anytime soon. And I will pray that it is not soon. You are not equipped to be a parent so I will pray that you aren't. Did I leave anything out? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 All of the above are valid points, and it's really up to the individual to decide what's best for them. For some people, parenthood can be very rewarding and outweighs the difficulties it brings. For others, parenthood can bring tremendous stress and difficulties and often the child could be a target of this stress. Exactly. Everyone needs to decide what's best for them, and it would be nice if others wouldn't judge their decisions. A grandmother in my extended, in-law family was someone who didn't want children, but being a Catholic woman decades before women's lib and birth control, she didn't have a choice and ended up with 5 of them. She never wanted children, and the rest of her life was utterly miserable. She made her children just as miserable as she was. She and her husband were both alcoholics, and the children had to put up with the screaming and fighting. In a depressive, drunken fit, she tried to drown them all in the bathtub, but her husband caught her and stopped her. Each of her children still has serious emotional and psychological scars from being raised in such an environment, and none of them let either of their parents near their own children. So who can really sit here and say that she did the right thing in having children and that she would've been selfish had she chosen to not have any? Some people are not cut out or fit to be parents. This is a simple fact of life. What good does it do to judge them for it and pressure them to have children anyway? And if someone knows they wouldn't be a good parent, who is anyone else to try to convince them otherwise? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Has anyone mentioned yet that anybody can have children, but surprisingly few people are actually fit to be mothers/fathers? When you consider the hoops you have to jump, in order to adopt/foster, but being pregnant carries with it the blind assumption that if you can bear kids you're fit to raise 'em... Staggeringly blinkered..... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I said I was praying that you didn't have children until you are more mature and your posts seem to say that won't be anytime soon. And I will pray that it is not soon. You are not equipped to be a parent so I will pray that you aren't. Did I leave anything out? You said that you prayed I would NEVER have children.. I don't care about that.. I know i am not mature, and I know that my kid would need a lot that I can't give it. I am not actively trying to get pregnant and I'm not going to try until I at least have a good guy and my diploma (even though I would love to get pregnant but I wouldn't try, my parents would be pissed). Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) You said that you prayed I would NEVER have children.. I don't care about that.. I know i am not mature, and I know that my kid would need a lot that I can't give it. I am not actively trying to get pregnant and I'm not going to try until I at least have a good guy and my diploma (even though I would love to get pregnant but I wouldn't try, my parents would be pissed). I will go back and read the messages. Edited December 3, 2012 by bentnotbroken Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I will go back and read the messages. I would be a really good mom one day! I really REALLY really really want a munchkin! Link to post Share on other sites
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