why have children?

[suladas]

I'm back and forth on it. Sure having the fairy tale life of getting married, have kids and staying together forever would be awesome, but the chances of that are not great. But the biggest thing scaring me away from kids is how high divorce rates are. I wouldn't ever dream of wanting to raise kids on my own, nor would I want to have kids I only seen on weekends.

 

The last few years i've though about it a lot more having a niece and nephew, enjoy them so much. Getting a good idea what it's like by helping my sister, like after work picking them up from daycare cooking them dinner, ready for bed, etc. I enjoyed it, but I also though at this point in my life there is no way I want to do that everyday.

 

I actually enjoy kids most of the time but I really enjoy my alone time and free nights to. I actually liked to with my ex having kids, being around them a bit, the idea of helping raise someone elses kids was something I would for sure consider to. Teaching them things, being around them is awesome, but full-time job for a lifetime of raising them is a huge decision.

 

I'm not worried at this point though, i'm only 23 i'm in no rush I have plenty of time to think it over.

[suladas]

I would be a really good mom one day! I really REALLY really really want a munchkin!

 

Please don't rush it, you remind me of my sister so much. At 21-22 she wanted kids so bad, she figured she'd find a guy get pregnant and live happily ever after it doesn't work like that, you can't rush it. Everyone told her wait, don't rush it but she thought she knew best and listens to no one. Guess what, she's 28 now with a 4 and 2 year old, split up with the father this spring now living with someone else who has a 7 year old and now they might be spliting up to. She rushes into things so fast, and it burns you so badly. She has zero education, and zero in assests or anything. Since she moved out at 16, she hasn't been able to support herself and has lived with probably 6 different guys, and back home many times. Now with kids it's even worse, she is lucky me, my mom, dad, and grandma are all willing and able to help her out with babysitting and money and things like that. Because there is no way she could do it without help.

 

Things don't always work out the way you want them to, once you have a kid you have another life to look out for, and things change a lot. She complains about them all the time, how she never has anytime to her self, how every month at least she needs a break because she has it so tough and can't handle it. She wishes she would have waited, sure she loves them a lot but it is not all roses and daises like she thought it would be.

Edited December 4, 2012 by suladas

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Please don't rush it, you remind me of my sister so much. At 21-22 she wanted kids so bad, she figured she'd find a guy get pregnant and live happily ever after it doesn't work like that, you can't rush it. Everyone told her wait, don't rush it but she thought she knew best and listens to no one. Guess what, she's 28 now with a 4 and 2 year old, split up with the father this spring now living with someone else who has a 7 year old and now they might be spliting up to. She rushes into things so fast, and it burns you so badly. She has zero education, and zero in assests or anything. Since she moved out at 16, she hasn't been able to support herself and has lived with probably 6 different guys, and back home many times. Now with kids it's even worse, she is lucky me, my mom, dad, and grandma are all willing and able to help her out with babysitting and money and things like that. Because there is no way she could do it without help.

 

Things don't always work out the way you want them to, once you have a kid you have another life to look out for, and things change a lot. She complains about them all the time, how she never has anytime to her self, how every month at least she needs a break because she has it so tough and can't handle it. She wishes she would have waited, sure she loves them a lot but it is not all roses and daises like she thought it would be.

I guess I am just going to have to wait.. I know I don't want to be a single parent unless I am like 30 and single and my eggs are drying up then I might have no choice but to just do what I have to do but ideally I won't be a single mom, I will be a married wife then mom. I can wait, I just watched a natural birthing video and it was sick AF I don't want my lady bits stretched to capacity.

[Ross MwcFan]

I would be a really good mom one day! I really REALLY really really want a munchkin!

 

Your happiness shouldn't depend on having kids.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Your happiness shouldn't depend on having kids.

It shouldn't but I feel like I can't have a full complete life if I don't have a baby that is like my dream.

[pink_sugar]

I guess I am just going to have to wait.. I know I don't want to be a single parent unless I am like 30 and single and my eggs are drying up then I might have no choice but to just do what I have to do.

 

You won't have to worry about any of that until you are over 35.

 

It shouldn't but I feel like I can't have a full complete life if I don't have a baby that is like my dream.

 

My mom felt that way too, but you definitely don't want to have a baby just for that reason. It will be disappointing to you when your child goes through his/her teenage years and wanting independence. You need to have plenty of other fulfilling things in your life besides your kids, because no child wants an overprotective and smothering parent. They will leave the nest one day.

Edited December 4, 2012 by pink_sugar

[moloko99]

It is soooo typical for people to say that you are selfish because you don't want children. Truth is they don't know what heck they're talking about. A lot of people just feel the need to reproduce ( we are the only species that do not regulate our birth rate by the way, even ants can control their numbers). This so called "need" to have children is more psychological and biological than anything else, love has nothing to do with it. How many people have you seen that have 4, 5 or 6 children who are malnourished, poorly mattered and neglected? Yet the necessity to get pregnant is still there. Human reproduction is considered a Right, when it really should be an earned privilege.

[Ross MwcFan]

It shouldn't but I feel like I can't have a full complete life if I don't have a baby that is like my dream.

 

You should work on that issue then instead of having kids.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You should work on that issue then instead of having kids.

 

I know. But why is it bad to dream of being a mom? I know it isn't the only thing I can accomplish but its a huge deal.

[sb129]

Wanting cute little beautiful wonderful babies in your life is adorable, but it is a VERY small part of becoming a mom. The baby phase goes by VERY quickly, and you have to be ready for the other phases of childhood, and looking forward to them as well.

 

We are right slap bang in the middle of the "talking constantly like Dora the Explorer phase".... (we don't even live in the US so its kinda weird at the supermarket).

Its cute for the first ten minutes, but not so much for the next 23 hours and 50 minutes.....

 

I'm also wondering why she wouldn't want to adopt handicapped children since she herself is handicapped. At the very least foster some of those children.

 

She is? How?

 

Why wouldn't you? I would think that that is something they would appreciate, knowing everything you had to potentially give up for them but how you don't regret it at all. Obviously I wouldn't tell then that when they are young because that's stupid and it might just make them feel bad but as teens and adults they should know, unless of course you were a pathetic person and had no other potential than having a kid.

 

There is no point telling your kids what you have given up to have them because they would never ever get it until they decided to have kids of their own.

 

And why dump your issues on them? You supposedly "chose" to give stuff up for them, thats your problem, not theirs.

 

I love my daughter to bits, and I'm having another daughter next year (poor H!) but there have been (infrequent, but they still happened) moments this year when I have thought WTF was I thinking having any more when having one can be such hard work. There are lots and lots of amazing moments, and they do make up for the bad ones.

 

However, parenting is a constant sacrifice and I have had to adapt a fair bit to that, I think I am naturally quite a selfish person, so I have struggled with that aspect of things- and this is despite having the time of my life in my twenties- I haven't "given" up much stuff, I still have my career and got an education and travelled and did lots of the fun things that many new parents have to give up.

 

I was ready to move onto the next phase of life, got married, etc etc- and I pretty much followed a path that lots of my peers have done.

 

Being part of your own family is great, and I really enjoy lots of aspects of married life and parenting- but there are times when I mourn the carefree days of my twenties, and wonder what life might have brought if I hadn't taken this path.

 

Having said all that, I have had an extremely stressful year dealing with infertility/work/ moving house/starting a business etc, and after finally getting pregnant I have had a difficult pregnancy so far... so might not be in the perfect headspace to be giving a clear opinion right now.

 

I don't have regrets per se....but right now I would do anything for a nausea- free 8+ hours sleep and two weeks off work with large chunks of time to myself.

[pink_sugar]

 

There is no point telling your kids what you have given up to have them because they would never ever get it until they decided to have kids of their own.

 

And why dump your issues on them? You supposedly "chose" to give stuff up for them, thats your problem, not theirs.

 

 

Very true. My dad keeps talking about how he was a young parent...(Was young for my brother at 23, but 27 when I was born) and he makes comments about how he would have had more disposable income if he had no kids. He acts like he had no choice and you're definitely right.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

We are right slap bang in the middle of the "talking constantly like Dora the Explorer phase".... (we don't even live in the US so its kinda weird at the supermarket).

Its cute for the first ten minutes, but not so much for the next 23 hours and 50 minutes.....

 

 

 

She is? How?

 

 

 

There is no point telling your kids what you have given up to have them because they would never ever get it until they decided to have kids of their own.

 

And why dump your issues on them? You supposedly "chose" to give stuff up for them, thats your problem, not theirs.

 

I love my daughter to bits, and I'm having another daughter next year (poor H!) but there have been (infrequent, but they still happened) moments this year when I have thought WTF was I thinking having any more when having one can be such hard work. There are lots and lots of amazing moments, and they do make up for the bad ones.

 

However, parenting is a constant sacrifice and I have had to adapt a fair bit to that, I think I am naturally quite a selfish person, so I have struggled with that aspect of things- and this is despite having the time of my life in my twenties- I haven't "given" up much stuff, I still have my career and got an education and travelled and did lots of the fun things that many new parents have to give up.

 

I was ready to move onto the next phase of life, got married, etc etc- and I pretty much followed a path that lots of my peers have done.

 

Being part of your own family is great, and I really enjoy lots of aspects of married life and parenting- but there are times when I mourn the carefree days of my twenties, and wonder what life might have brought if I hadn't taken this path.

 

Having said all that, I have had an extremely stressful year dealing with infertility/work/ moving house/starting a business etc, and after finally getting pregnant I have had a difficult pregnancy so far... so might not be in the perfect headspace to be giving a clear opinion right now.

 

I don't have regrets per se....but right now I would do anything for a nausea- free 8+ hours sleep and two weeks off work with large chunks of time to myself.

 

I have cerebral palsy. Anyways I think I am just obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant and being pregnant and carrying this person around with you all the time I think that would be awesome! Then having it and having this little munchkin to talk to and play with and give tons of hugs and kisses to all day and just love so much it would just be awesome and amazing I can't describe it I'm just obsessed. Obviously it isn't happening for me right now but when it does omg it'll be the best thing ever even if the circumstances are bad.

[sb129]

I have cerebral palsy. Anyways I think I am just obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant and being pregnant and carrying this person around with you all the time I think that would be awesome! Then having it and having this little munchkin to talk to and play with and give tons of hugs and kisses to all day and just love so much it would just be awesome and amazing I can't describe it I'm just obsessed. Obviously it isn't happening for me right now but when it does omg it'll be the best thing ever even if the circumstances are bad.

 

I'm concerned that with this attitude you may be setting yourself up for disappointment when you're actually faced with the reality of parenthood.

 

I don't think its healthy to be so obsessed with something- and have such high hopes. BEing a parent is great, but it shouldn't be the only reason you get up in the morning.

 

It's like brides who obsess about being a bride and what their wedding will be like their whole lives, but give no thought to what happens next.

[TaraMaiden]

EDIT: wrong thread. sorry.

[liquid_amber]

I have cerebral palsy. Anyways I think I am just obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant and being pregnant and carrying this person around with you all the time I think that would be awesome! Then having it and having this little munchkin to talk to and play with and give tons of hugs and kisses to all day and just love so much it would just be awesome and amazing I can't describe it I'm just obsessed. Obviously it isn't happening for me right now but when it does omg it'll be the best thing ever even if the circumstances are bad.

 

i hope you wait until you're older and married before having a child. you sound like you have an unrealistic idea of what it will be like. you are still so young. once you have a child your life will never be the same. enjoy being young first. enjoy your freedom. when you're more mature, financially stable, and in a loving, stable marriage, that's the time to have kids.

[CptObvious]

Why would you not have children? I don't see a reason to not have them unless you're too old, infertile, or selfish.

 

selfish? we have enough people on the planet. It's not like you're going to raise a Richard Dawkins, or hell, even an Anderson Silva for some lulz.

[CptObvious]

I have cerebral palsy. Anyways I think I am just obsessed with the thought of getting pregnant and being pregnant and carrying this person around with you all the time I think that would be awesome! Then having it and having this little munchkin to talk to and play with and give tons of hugs and kisses to all day and just love so much it would just be awesome and amazing I can't describe it I'm just obsessed. Obviously it isn't happening for me right now but when it does omg it'll be the best thing ever even if the circumstances are bad.

 

Do you know how much a kid costs? Unless you're feeding it tylenol, kraft dinner, and tap water in a closet for 18 years you'll be down about $200,000 when it's all over. Trust me barbie, it's a football sized disaster if you don't lock down a rich guy. Choose wisely, you only have 2 chances.

[TaraMaiden]

Do you know how much a kid costs? Unless you're feeding it tylenol, kraft dinner, and tap water in a closet for 18 years you'll be down about $200,000 when it's all over. Trust me barbie, it's a football sized disaster if you don't lock down a rich guy. Choose wisely, you only have 2 chances.

 

Yeah.... and the rest, accounting for the recession and natural inflation.

And that's just 'money'.

You don't get anything for the effort, blood, toil sweat and tears and all the emotional stress....

Can you just see the advert?

 

"WANTED:

Two (to begin with, although this condition may not be permanent) adults to create, generate and produce a child, then feed, clothe, care for it, and provide all necessary requirements - together with funding a phukkin'long wish-list - for 18 years.

There is no remuneration. In fact, the financial investment will be all yours, considerable and may exceed a quarter of a million pounds/dollars. There is no time off, no holidays, no respite - and no constant or reliable instruction book/manual. Hours are erratic, worked on impulse and often without notice. Overtime is mandatory. Prospective applicants should be able to drive, swim walk at a snail's pace, have good upper body strength and a cast iron back (you'll be carrying them for the first 4 years, physically, and the rest of your life, emotionally) and should have a certain degree of insanity. A sense of humour and endless patience would be useful, but not a prerequisite, as these, with luck and a following wind, may develop in time. Principles are not required as you'll find yourself changing your mind, opinions and views as often as the diapers.

Please respond (No CV necessary - you're kidding, right?) to the following email address, no later than that moment when the condom breaks: [email protected]."