why have children?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You can have an opinion by RESPECTFULLY disagreeing with them. That is all I am trying to say.

 

Ok well I'll try that next time I guess...

[bentnotbroken]

Why wouldn't you want to make a child's life better than the one you had..?

 

 

Just believe that you do not have all the answers for everyone else's life. What we idealize about some points in our lives does not mean everyone had a positive experience or wishes to follow what a great deal of people think is normal. It is just the social construct that some have been fed and others reject for what truly works in their lives.

[Ross MwcFan]

Why wouldn't you want to make a child's life better than the one you had..?

 

Some people think that they can't.

[KraftDinner]

I think it's kind of ridiculous to say someone who doesn't want kids is mean.

 

And I didn't mean any disrespect to parents either, seriously. Just that mentality that anyone who doesn't have kids is some kind of freak of nature or reprobate...it's silly! And it's boring because it's unoriginal.

 

I'm not even against having kids myself. I'm probably too old now, haha, but if I did happen to get pregnant, I'd try my best to give the kid a great childhood. So that's not my point.

 

Just as an aside, I think I'd prefer not to have them, but I know I'd be a good parent if I did. That probably makes no sense to some people. I'm certainly not going to try to have one because it's the 'thing to do' or because I'm 'not selfish!' Haha!!

 

Selfish would be having kids and then not sacrificing for them. Not having them in the first place...hurts nobody.

[rainfall]

Then they are selfish and mean more than likely.

 

I guess for me the moment I find out a guy or a person in general says they never want kids I question what type of person they are, what is wrong with them to not want cute little beautiful wonderful babies in their lives and then I don't want to know them anymore.

 

 

What is wrong with you (or anyone) that judges someone based on their reproductive choice.

[pink_sugar]

Why wouldn't you want to make a child's life better than the one you had..?

 

Selfishness is when you choose to have kids you cannot financially or emotionally provide for, for selfish reasons such as replacing a lost loved one or wanting someone to love you. I've experienced it firsthand.

[Pompom]

I want children because:

-I think life is great and I want to share and bestow it

-I think I am great and I want to pass on whatever it is that makes it so

-Despite its many flaws and injustices, this world is beautiful and I want to raise someone in it and have them carry on caring for it when I'm gone

-My family should be carried on; I'm from a line of Jewish pioneers from Iraq

-Children are adorable, wonderful and such a joy, even without any I feel that this is true (unless you raise them to be *******s and bullies and stuff)

-I want to give children, caretakers, soldiers and citizens to Israel to keep our beautiful people going

-I want to help keep religious fanatics, illegals, and gentiles at bay by counter-populating the country with secular/reasonably pious Jews

-I just have that much love to give and stuff to teach; my life experience isn't just good for conversation.

-Cheesy as it may sound, children are the future. Whatever you raise them to be, will shape the future and change other lives, and thus, the world.

 

That's good enough.

I'm referring to healthy and able kids mind you, I would not give birth to someone born to be a lifelong burden or suffer due to something that went wrong during pregnancy/birth/genetics.

Edited November 25, 2012 by Pompom

[aussietigerwolf]

Have kids or don't have kids, just don't force your choices on others

[avon20]

Why buy a house? Why get a job? Why get behind the wheel? We know full well the huge responsibilities that come with those.

 

Huge responsibilities = huge rewards.

 

I don't think you can compare kids with those other responsibilities. Having a job and owning a car or a house is nowhere near as big of a responsibility as having kids.

 

Having a job and a house is a necessity for survival and it is pretty much illegal to be homeless. If you are homeless then your only choice is to constantly walk around other people's property and there's no place to lay your head without getting arrested for loitering or vagrancy.

 

Having children is not a necessity like having a job or a house. And there's no risk of getting arrested for not having them. Unlike buying a house children take up most of your free time. With buying a house there's responsibility of maintaing it but it isn't like you have to paint the house everyday or change the roofing everyday or fix the toilets everyday. You do get more of a break in between maintenance responsibilities of a house than you do in taking care of children.

[avon20]

Doesn't everything come with responsibility?

 

However to each their own.

 

I personally don't want kids any time soon. I use to say never but as I get older my view tends to change.

 

Anyway point being deciding to have kids or not have kids - doesn't make someone more noble or less selfish. Since it isn't for everyone.

 

However if you see kids as too much of a responsibility for you that is fine - however it isn't that way for others -- you don't need to understand.

 

Everyone is entitled to their choices. I am also entitled to be inquisitive and curious about why people want kids just as much as others are entitled to be curious about why I do not want them. I would take no offense if others seek to understand where I am coming from. If I get a better understanding of why people want kids then I become more educated and I might just reconsider my decision if I live long enough. It is a long shot that I would change my mind but it is possible.

[SmileFace]

Everyone is entitled to their choices. I am also entitled to be inquisitive and curious about why people want kids just as much as others are entitled to be curious about why I do not want them. I would take no offense if others seek to understand where I am coming from. If I get a better understanding of why people want kids then I become more educated and I might just reconsider my decision if I live long enough. It is a long shot that I would change my mind but it is possible.

As in understand ... I meant not agree. I mean you can see I am pretty much mutual in this whole thing.

[BehindBlueEyes]

Or maybe they are selfish..

 

 

Sorry, but I am one also who doesn't want to be tied down. Having kids means cancel that mountain bike trip to Whiteface mountain because Harry JR's teacher called me in for a conference about Harry JR farting in class on purpose.

 

F'ck that!

 

 

I'm selfish and could give a **** lol.

 

Hey....I love dudes that have kids and it makes them happy....It's very honorable, but please....honor those who decided it's not for them and have smarts enough to know they couldn't handle it!

[GorillaTheater]

Cheap labor.

[BehindBlueEyes]

Cheap labor.

 

 

 

True:laugh:

 

 

How's this for being selfish?

 

I don't want to continue my bloodline in fear my kids would look like me which has caused me great pain in life. I don't want them to feel what I felt.

 

I have low tolerance for that kind of thing....I don't think I'd be good at it and my kid would pay for that. I'm not making a kid suffer because of my short comings.

 

I hate responsibility for others....I'd be riding my bike and get mad I gotta pick up Harry from school.

 

I'm mentally incapable....I have problems and heavy emotional issues that would spill onto my child....I would be afraid I'd flip out someday and take it out on my child....that scares me and is also a reason I don't even get into a relationship.... I'm smart enough to see the pain I could cause someone who is innocent.... It's not happening on my watch.

 

I'm a free spirit and need to be free at all times.... I like spending hours on my bike, going to Wal-Mart at 2 A.M. ect ect anytime I want..... It wouldn't be cool with me to have this luxury taken away with responsibility of a child.

 

And last.... Why have a child when you damn well know it wouldn't work and your child will turn out to be more of a basket case than his dad? I'd rather leave it alone and spare the kid all that BS he'd probably go through if I was the father.

 

More guys need to be like me..... don't have kids if you're a freakin mental case screw up lol....

 

I'm being extremely UNSELFISH I would say!

[pteromom]

- Because watching my son sleep, I am filled with the strongest sense of peace and awe and "this is where I was meant to be"

 

- Because every phase of their development is so different and special and rewarding. Snuggly infant. Boisterous toddler. Kindergartner learning his words and being so proud of himself. Silly boy learning the fine art of sarcasm. Teenager learning about responsibility and identity. Graduate starting a life of his own. New dad coming home with your first grandchild so you can experience it all over. <3

 

- Because being a parent is absolutely the most rewarding and meaningful thing I have ever done.

 

- Because my heart soars just seeing his smile.

 

- Because the heartaches are outweighed a thousandfold by the beauty and joy and sharing. Seriously, the love and closeness is something you can never experience with another adult.

 

All that said - it depends on your priorities in life. If you enjoy being selfish (and I mean that in a positive way), being a parent isn't for you. There's no rule that says you must have kids. Do whatever brings you joy in this short life.

[pteromom]

I'm a free spirit and need to be free at all times.... I like spending hours on my bike, going to Wal-Mart at 2 A.M. ect ect anytime I want..... It wouldn't be cool with me to have this luxury taken away with responsibility of a child.

 

This is exactly what I mean when I refer to being selfish in a positive way. It's selfish, but selfish isn't always a bad thing.

 

You know yourself and know what you want in life. Nothing wrong with that.

[pteromom]

I guess for me the moment I find out a guy or a person in general says they never want kids I question what type of person they are, what is wrong with them to not want cute little beautiful wonderful babies in their lives and then I don't want to know them anymore.

 

Wanting cute little beautiful wonderful babies in your life is adorable, but it is a VERY small part of becoming a mom. The baby phase goes by VERY quickly, and you have to be ready for the other phases of childhood, and looking forward to them as well.

[BehindBlueEyes]

This is exactly what I mean when I refer to being selfish in a positive way. It's selfish, but selfish isn't always a bad thing.

 

You know yourself and know what you want in life. Nothing wrong with that.

 

I like to say within this subject matter, It's what I know I can't handle in life and wish not to make an innocent child pay for it due to my not being fully "into it" No selfishness in a good way or bad way IMO. More like being...damn smart.

[FitChick]

I suggest ImperfectionisBeauty get a job as a nursery school teacher to get a more realistic sense of what children are really like instead of watching sentimental TV shows about the myth of motherhood. My doctor told me that teachers want to be sterilized, even if they have no kids, more often than other women. Hmmm, wonder why...?

 

I'm also wondering why she wouldn't want to adopt handicapped children since she herself is handicapped. At the very least foster some of those children.

[Andy_K]

Because it would be a crime against humanity for my genes to be under-represented in the next generation?

[seren]

I was always told it was unlikely I would have children, so when I got married I didn't use protection and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. That was some shocker!! I didn't know if I was cut out to be a Mum, I had a career going places, a great social life and had never, ever factored children into my life. Then I gave birth and they handed me my son and I can say without the veil of la la land, that it was the most weird, lovely ah there you are, moment of my life. Once handed my boy I felt such a surge of, OK world you hurt this boy and I will eat you with a spoon. It truly was so primal and wonderful.

 

Fast forward 28 yrs and I regard my part in creating the wonderful person my son has grown into as being the best thing I have ever done. I would have had more if I could have. So couldn't imagine ever saying that before I experienced what it was like.

 

I see nothing wrong with someone deciding not to have children and for some to recognise that they are either too busy with their own life or not wanting to have a child as unselfish. Too many people have children they neither want nor can afford, nor have the time to take responsibility for bringing them up in a loving way. I had him because I became pregnant after thinking I could not, I love the experience because I love him so very much.

[Ladydrib]

Why do people decide to have children knowing full well the huge responsibilities that come with it?

 

The real answer is because our entire purpose (along with all other animals) is survival as individuals as well as survival as a species, which requires reproduction. We are on autopilot with our impulses to reproduce and it is also such a prevalent part of all cultures that humans have the combined factors of convention and biology working together to make us mindlessly reproduce.

 

This is a great question. If more people asked it and seriously considered all the factors, as intelligent and evolved animals (modern human) then perhaps many of us would in fact NOT have kids.

 

I personally believe that it is selfless to not have children, which is contrary to what many posters have said. Children who are yet to exist cannot opt in or out of life, it is the parents who are following their desires to reproduce. Considering that, it is in many cases selfish on parents' fault to have children. Why people would think it is selfish to NOT have kids is a mystery to me.

 

I'm not arguing that all people who have kids are selfish, but I do believe many of them are. 'They' have kids because 'they' want to. Not everyone who is born is happy that their life was created. Many people struggle with facing the fact that they will one day suffer whatever tragedy that will ultimately lead them to their death. When you think about it that way, by having children, we are essentially giving them a death sentence.

 

But not all people feel this way. Some people feel that life is worth living in exchange for death. But the problem is, you cannot ask a child before they are born if being brought to life would be worth the struggles they will face in life. So in my opinion, having children is selfish. It serves our needs. Not necessarily our children's needs.

[Ladydrib]

Yes because sacrificing yourself to bring children into the world is VERY selfish.

 

It is selfish. Children do not ask for that. Parents wanted it. It serves the wants of the parents. And then to say you sacrifice yourself, as if they had a choice, that puts the blame of challenges faced by parents on the innocent kids who had no say in whether they would be concieved or not. I hope people don't tell their kids that they sacrificed their lives for them. I think that is a mean thing to say to kids and could really mess with their heads.

[Ladydrib]

I don't care if people choose to have kids or not, but I don't see how a natural biological desire to have children could be considered selfish.

 

Following that logic, then cheating is also not selfish, because it is a natural biological desire to follow physical attraction.

[Cb3657]

I believe that in most cases people will follow their best interests if that is selfishness then so be it, if some believe their best interest is not to have children then so be it, as others have said my best interests for long term happiness and satisfaction was served by having kids. The species will not die out if people don't have kids but some of us would have had far less fufilling lives.

I do however think some of the conversation around this issue really gets to a "your stupid for doing this and I am better" which is actually something that degrades the arguer and generally changes no opinions.

I understand why people don't want kids, I always hope that people who don't want kids can understand why I love mine.