Something new

[Fay]

My b.f and I have been dating for over a year at the begining of the relationship I went to his friends parties and was really social and put myself out to get along with them. After about six months I stopped going out with him to parties, it may be fun for him but his friends and him are still at the stage of sitting out in the backyard getting drunk and throwing up on each other, I dont really like this scene. Last night I went one of his friends parties, it was okay I still would have chosen something different to do but oh well. What I'm trying to ask is, as much as I love doing things for my b.f there are some places that I draw the line but I still want to talk and be social with his friends, I dont really want to be known as the cold, bitch girlfriend, so I was wondering if anyone knows of any things that I can organise with 'the boys' that wont put me in a uncomfortable, s***ty mood.

[Tony T]

First of all, I personally don't call a gathering in which everybody gets together for the purpose of getting shxtfaced drunk a party. Parties are social gatherings at which people celebrate their friendship,

 

These guys are going through a stage in their maturity where it's cool to get together like the Budweiser Frogs and slobber all over each other like fools and show their butts by drinking as much as they can. I suppose it's better than shooting up crack cocaine or doing other hard drugs...and it's legal.

 

You have either passed that crazy stage or were wise enough to never buy into it in the first place. I never got into it myself. As a matter of fact, I would rather drink sewer water than endure the taste of beer.

 

I think you are absolutely right in your dislike of these parties. They serve no useful purpose whatsoever. They are just a way of these guys getting together and bonding because they probably have nothing much in common when they're sober. They guys really enjoy them. Tell your boyfriend in a nice way you simply don't get anything out of these, you feel uncomfortable there, you don't like to drink to that extent, and you simply will no longer attend. But let him know you insist on picking him up afterwards or on him arranging for a sober driver to bring him home.

 

As far as alternatives for the boys, I'm afraid they probably won't go for much short of the REAL brew on a continuing basis. But, once in a while, cook up a nice barbecue, have enough beer on hand for one a piece...and insist they do not bring their own...have some soda there too. After a nice meal and conversation, they can retire over to one of the other guy's places or at a bar and get bombed as usual.

 

You aren't going to win here. I don't know just how it happens, but each man grows out of this in his own time. Sometimes it happens when they get killed in an accident on the way home, sometimes it happens when they get their head beaten to a pulp by a gang of drunks they confront on the way home, sometimes they grow up after serving 30 days in the slammer for driving while intoxicated, and sometimes it just strikes them one day just how stupid it is.

 

Sometimes they never grow up. That's a gamble you have to take...if you want.

[Yumi]

If you do not like that kind of social activity, my first advice would be to talk to your boyfriend about it. Explain that you need to do things together but that you also need to do things with your friends alone. I've been in situations like that before, what inevitably happened was that my bf either ignored me to be with his friends, or ignored his friends to be with me. And after we broke up, his friends decided they hated me too. This was all in high school, now that guy has gone and got another girl pregnant and is living in the projects, and I am in college with a very sweet guy... Breaking up with that other jerk, although it hurt at the time, was the BEST thing I could have done!

 

I'm NOT saying dump him at once, but if he is not willing to do things that YOU enjoy and seperate his time with his friends from his dates with you, it may be better for both of you to move on to other people whom you have more in common with. Good luck in talking to him though! ^_^

 

Yumi

[Ron]

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If you do not like that kind of social activity, my first advice would be to talk to your boyfriend about it. Explain that you need to do things together but that you also need to do things with your friends alone. I've been in situations like that before, what inevitably happened was that my bf either ignored me to be with his friends, or ignored his friends to be with me. And after we broke up, his friends decided they hated me too. This was all in high school, now that guy has gone and got another girl pregnant and is living in the projects, and I am in college with a very sweet guy... Breaking up with that other jerk, although it hurt at the time, was the BEST thing I could have done! I'm NOT saying dump him at once, but if he is not willing to do things that YOU enjoy and seperate his time with his friends from his dates with you, it may be better for both of you to move on to other people whom you have more in common with. Good luck in talking to him though! ^_^ Yumi