Broke up with girlfriend of 2 years, now regret.

[Tom67]

Hi, two weeks ago I made a really hard decision to break up with my extremely loyal girlfriend of 2 years. Im 24 and she's 22, and we were each others first. She was absolutely mortified, and it seemingly came as a total shock to her.

My reasons for breaking up came from me convincing myself that we weren't right for each other, she comes from the town, I come from the country, she wants to climb a financial career ladder, and I'm happy in a decent, comfortable job surrounding myself with hobbies. We rarely fell out, and we would always be there for each other. She was so understanding and looking back, the sweetest girl I know.

But I broke up with her because the last few months I've felt that long term (ie years to come) we would end up going in different directions, so I thought up everything I had to say to her, visited her and told her straight off that I don't think we should carry on.

In hindsight I really wish that before I'd done that, we'd sat and had a good talk, because the things she said after I told her I wanted to break up made me regret it. Things like 'I thought we were strong enough to cross bridges when we got to them', and 'whatever our differences, I still love you and want to share them with you'.

I didn't feel fair backtracking on what I'd already said prior though. I care about her a ridiculous amount, and love her to bits. I feel that possibly I took her love for granted. A case of only realising what you had when you've lost it. Now I miss her so much.

 

I realise that if we were to get back to together then there WOULD be the chance it wouldn't work out in the end (for the above reasons), or even the chance it wouldnt feel the same. I'm torn now because I can't stand the thought of hurting her again. Two weeks isnt long I know, but if I got into contact with her again I dont want to leave it too long that she's put all her effort into getting over it only to be 'messed around' by me.

 

If anyone has any similar experience, please share, thanks!

Edited November 24, 2012 by Tom67

[shahjahan]

This seems to be a common mistake among guys, and it's happened to me... you analyze things in your head, you make up future scenarios in which we get separated by our differences, you freak out... and break up without ever asking where we stand and what WE think about it. Then, when you hear our reasons, you hesitate and think that maybe indeed you love us, and maybe let's try again. My ex boyfriend did just that. Even though our relationship was very happy, and we loved each other a lot, he suddenly decided - just like you did - that even though it's working now, it probably won't in the future because of our religious and political differences, so it's better to break up. I was shocked and stunned, because I never heard a word of complaint during the whole relationship, and because I always trated him with utmost love, care and respect. So when he broke up with me I opened up to him and said I really want to try it in spite of our differences (I have posted about it in my threads, so you can read the whole story). He sais I really impressed him with my love and openness, and he was surprised to see that the differences were not as big as he thought. So he changed his mind, because he still loves me (as he said at the time). Shortly afterwards, it seemed like it was too much for him to deal with emotionally, and he changed his mind again, saying he can't put his finger on where the problem lies, and I have to let him go. This hurt me a lot, because I feel like he just acted out of fear, out of some weird form of commitment-phobia. Now he's just acting cold, like we're "just friends", saying he needs to take a look at his life and realise what it is he really wants. And I am left lonely, sad, heartbroken, and feeling like I never did anything wrong, and like he dumped me for some "abstract" reasons, like he dumped me for disagreements he assumed we would have in future, but we never did and probably never will!!

Therefore, I really believe, if you do love her - reconsider, after the emotions have calmed down. Now it may be too early, if your emotions are still stirred. But yes, it's worth trying, and if you finally do break up because of differences... well, then you will. Or you'll break up for a completely different reason, that you don't even see coming right now, but at least you'll know you'd tried and you had good times together. Or - why not - you won't break up at all and this current situation will seem just like a bad dream! Who knows?

It's always good to talk things through and try to make it work before you dump someone. If they never treated you badly, cheated or abused you, if they were faithful, you really should give them the benefit of the doubt. That's what I think (P.d. my posts are named "break up because of religion" - shorter version and "did he really leave a string attached" - the longer version). It's almost the same story, but from the other end of the cable, so to speak

Good luck!

[desolated]

I know how you feel. I broke up with my ex on holiday (we were off and on for 2.5 years). We had a major fight not long before this and even though I'd called to end it earlier she finally agreed to do so whilst away (at my folks expense). She was holding a grudge and we couldn't sort it out in the end. I was beyond devastated as I desperately wanted to talk things through but she was nearly 7 years younger and found conflict difficult to sort. After only a month and a half she has already moved on to someone else and claims I treated her badly. I did everything in my power to make her happy but you just can't please some people.