Fear and uncertainty living with someone with OCD

[Thinkalot]

My fiance told me today he does have some fears about entering married life with me. He is 100% committed and loves me, but was honest enough to admit he has some fear, because of my OCD...

 

I am overcoming my obsessive thinking, through counselling and medication. I'm not 100%...but much better.

 

My recent obsessive thinking has centred around my fiance, and his past, and his ex-wife.

 

Part of the reason I believe I have got better in that area is the counselling and medication, and partly because I have started to get busier, and involved in more things, and therefore swicthed some of my focus and drive to other things (ie, planning our wedding, doing my writing course, getting freelance articles published, taking back up dancing and competing..along with my usual fulltime job).

 

It's a fine line between being busy, driven, determined, intense, and successful and an achiever, and being obsessive.

 

My fiance's fear is, that I am still just as obsessive, but have directed my energy into other areas, which have much less impact on him and our relationship. His fear is, that if down the track those activities stop, or change, my obsessive thinking will direct back onto him, or our kids or something else, which will make life difficult.

 

I don't really know what to say to that. Because to be honest, it's hard to know where the line is, between healthy drive, as I said above, and obsession...and how much I have stopped obsessing, and how much I've just directed my thoughts elsewhere.

 

I personally believe I am much better than I was. These other pursuits don't seem to control me like my obsession with his past did. I am certainly driven, and determined with my hobbies and sports...and tend to be full on with things...but I can switch the thoughts off...and they are healthy pursuits anyway. It's not like I lay awake at night feeling sick, obsessing.

 

Plus, the obsession with his past does linger...but has loosened its grip considerably. His other fear, is that I simply manage to supressmy thoughts more often...but still think them. I DO still think them sometimes...but much less.

 

Anyway, just thought I'd float this one out there, to see if anyone could relate. Maybe you have OCD..or live with someone who does?? Or maybe you just have an insight which might help my fiance.

[pitprincess]

I really can't help in this area but I can offer you some advice that will help.

 

Try to think of only you and him... Don't let your past hurt you guys..

Love each other for one another only and live today..

Your strong... Your a great person and you can do it :)

 

Good Luck to you and I hope things work out great for you :)

[meanon]

My fiance's fear is, that I am still just as obsessive, but have directed my energy into other areas, which have much less impact on him and our relationship. His fear is, that if down the track those activities stop, or change, my obsessive thinking will direct back onto him, or our kids or something else, which will make life difficult

 

You are NOT as obsessive, thinkalot. Your condition has improved. No amount of keeping busy can mask the symptoms of OCD, you know that from before you started treatment. You will always be energetic, intense, driven and need to keep busy.

 

I really think the change in your meds, particularly since you were on such a low dose, may take you the rest of the way to recovery.

 

As to what the future holds, that's a gamble for all of us whether we have an illness or not . You may be able to come off the meds permanently at some point, some people achieve it. Many find the symptoms re-occur when they cease treatment. I think the activities/hobbies are a red herring but it's certainly true that if you are suffering from symptoms they can re-direct themselves completely into something else. If you have the condition under control then there's no problem.

 

The only situation I can foresee that may cause you difficulty is pregnancy. There are meds you can take when pregnant but many people prefer not to. It's such a worrying time for many. I do know of people with OCD who have become very ill when pregnant. My advice would be to hope for the best, come off the meds if you are on them but be reconciled to treatment if it is necessary.

 

His other fear, is that I simply manage to suppress my thoughts more often...but still think them. I DO still think them sometimes...but much less.

 

That's because you are almost better . I think this is one that he has to deal with. Your thoughts are your own, they only become a matter for him when you choose to share them or if you can't help but share them because of the illness.

 

As well as being very committed and in love, I think your fiance is suffering from the nerves most feel before the big day. In this case they have a label that they can hang upon. I bet if it wasn't there he would still be anxious to some extent about the future. It's good he can talk about it. Many people suffer these anxieties in silence because everyone expects them to be ecstatic all of the time. It's another sign that you two were made for each other

[Barby]

My recent obsessive thinking has centred around my fiance, and his past, and his ex-wife.

 

 

I can relate to being with someone with OCD actually I just responded to another post similar to this about my experience.

 

He obsesses over thinking I'm cheating on him or thinking I'm talking to other guys. His medicine helps and I know he really needs to see a therapist but it isn't going to happen anytime soon because he doesn't speak english well enough to tell them how he's feeling or benefit from the therapy and here no therapist speaks spanish.

 

Anyway I'm sorry to ramble about me, I'm glad to know things are getting better, obviously it's something you're going to have to deal with the rest of your life but as long as it's getting better he should be able to see that. Before I understood OCD I thought he could change and control the way he was thinking and was shocked to find out that's not true.

 

Has your man gone to counselling with you? Does he understand this is something basically out of your control? If you do your part then he should be supportive, I wish you the absolute best of luck!

[Thinkalot]

Thank you all. meanon...hugs to you for being so sweet.

 

Yes, he understands about OCD, and has read up on it, and supports me. I think he was just being totally honest with me...and I respect that.

[meanon]

Hugs back