Author blue636 Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Yes, I did something very bad. I yelled at her, said things I didn't mean, and I just went ape. I was completely out of line and she got so emotionally distressed about it she was pulling out her own hair and hitting her thighs. I had to apologize for that, there's no way I could live without apologizing for hurting her feelings so much. I talked to her online today. She seems so cold, she talks to me like I'm just a casual friend... as if we hadn't known each other the past 3-1/2 years. It makes me very upset and depressed. I also think she's hanging out with her old friends, the ones that she dumped and left when she got with me. They used to do drugs and sell drugs with her and I took her away from all that. I think they are convincing her she did the right thing by leaving me and they're probably coercing into believing that she should never come back to me again. I just wanna die.
TempSain Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Well people yell all the time. If she is from a background of drug users, do you really want her back? I had dated a few girls like that before and they always have something wrong with them. They just can't deal with the pressures of society. Imagine, if she came back and you two got into a fight, you would never know if she would just go back to using drugs to escape from her reality again. Imagine her as a mother with the same situation. My advice, cut your losses and move on.
Author blue636 Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 She hasn't done drugs in 4-1/2 years and has no intention to. What I'm hearing from my in-laws is that she is still going to church on Sunday mornings and, as a matter of fact, she went to see a marriage counselor today. I will be seeing the same marriage counselor on Thursday. I'm hoping that after a few sessions individually, she will agree to see him together if time, schedules, and plans permit.
Mr baseball Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Great!!! I think a MC will do some good. They have a way of turning things around. I have learned more about my wife in the last few months than I thought possible. Somethings are good and some are bad. I know why she does the things she does and I know why I do the things I do. I still think you should step back, relax and keep an open mind. I would try not to point fingers and listen to what she has to say. Men (most but not all) can hear well but we dont listen like we should.
Author blue636 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 I thought the same thing, MrBaseball, but being the pessimist that I am here is what I thought of it... She will go to the counselor to justify her feelings about splitting up for good. She may go there and realize that she doesn't want this anymore. She may just go there, not like the sessions, and leave. We are seeing the counselor separately at first and, if she is willing, we will start seeing him together at some point. I hope it will work, but I am VERY pessismistic about everything at this point.
Author blue636 Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 Well, we won't be seeing a marriage counselor for a while, if ever. She's going up to Northern California for 3 months or so with my daughter. I'm going to miss my daughter very much. I am not so sure how I feel about my wife now.
Cis Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 I'm so sorry you are living through this hell. Can a wife just up and remove a child from their father like that? Doesn't sound right to me. Hang in there - as they say - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (I tell myself that all of the time). Things WILL ultimately improve. Cis
Author blue636 Posted August 22, 2004 Author Posted August 22, 2004 Thanks for the kind words. I hope your right in the situation improving, but that's subjective. To me, improvement is that my wife and I will get back together one day. She is considering dating some time maybe in December or January. Hopefully she will decide sooner on that. My dream is that she will miss me so much and realize what little life has to offer without me and come back so we can work it out. It is a two-sided coin, this dream of mine - it could be the complete opposite where she realizes life is much better without me and never come back. The details over her leaving with my daughter are technical and complex, obviously I let her do it so it's nothing to worry about for now. Take care, all!
toolcutie Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 I'm very sorry for all that you are going through right now. I just wanted to say that you're going to torture yourself to death if you keep worrying about what hasn't happened yet. Take this 3 months, as hard as it will be, and try to focus on you. Live each day for that day. You only have control over now, you can't control things that haven't happened yet. What if's will drive a person mad, trust me, I almost did it to myself once. What I learned is that I don't have anyone to answer to but me, and so I'm going to make the choices in my life that are right for me at this point. Hope for the best, but don't let your life be consumed by the things you can't control. Have faith, be a good person, and you'll reap the rewards. Take Care Toolcutie
Author blue636 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Posted August 24, 2004 Thanks, toolcutie. Sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious when you're going through rough times.
Author blue636 Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 I've been dating other people now. I suppose it's officially over. There's just no way in hell I could wait for 6 months while she toys around with my emotions and steals my daughter away from me. Thanks to everyone here for their advice.
frogprinz29 Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Sorry if things aren't working out between you and your x. I hear things happen for a reason. Don't know if it's all true myself. However it turns out, be strong and hang in there. Wish you the best of luck.
Author blue636 Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 Thanks. My ex-wife and I are on speaking terms, very friendly. I speak to my daughter often and I will see them again when they come back to town in November (they're on vacation now with the in-laws). Anyhow, I've been seeing someone else and I'm very happy with it. Thanks to all for the support.
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