TeacherNancy Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 Hi...I have a question for anyone who has been through this or has advice. I've been friends with a guy for the past nine months or so. About two months ago, we became "more than friends" and dated for about a month. Things were too stressful because he is very busy with starting a new business, and he just broke up with his ex-girlfriend. I got very hurt because although it made sense to me to slow things down and just be friends again, it wouldn't often happen like that when I was with him. We said we were just friends, but we really weren't...know what I mean. Well, I took a break from him for over a week and didn't talk to him at all. I thought about it all and missed his friendship, despite the fact that he is now back with his ex. But here's the thing...he and I still talk everyday...we go out two or three times a week...and he's back with his ex who he sees maybe once every two weeks. It's just plain weird. We both decided that we shouldn't do anything intimate anymore...and that's a good thing because of how hurt I was. But I know that I still have feelings for him and I know that he has feelings for me too, but he's really good at keeping them in check since he has a "girlfriend" again and he is so busy with his business. But he'll call me or I'll call him daily and it's all just too confusing for me! He's so stubborn and won't do anything he doesn't want to do and it just frustrates me to no end. I don't know if I should just say good-bye to him as a friend because I obviously want more than he is willing to give. I would love to be able to not have any expectations and just when I think I'm ok with it all...he'll say or do something that makes me like him again! He's really good at that...I think he does it on purpose. Who knows? Any guys out there who know what's going through his mind? Anyone who's been through this? Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 So he broke up with his girlfriend, you two started dating, you two broke up because he was too busy with work, and then he started dating his ex-girlfriend again? You sure you weren't just a filler between the break ups with the girlfriend to help ease the time? I'm not trying to be mean but it seems odd that you two were dating and right after he ends it with you he's back with his ex-girlfriend. Did you ever ask him why it ended with the two of you and he started dating her again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeacherNancy Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 Actually...he was dating his girlfriend while we were good friends. Then things with her got bad and one night he kissed me. He broke up with her a week later. We dated for about a month or so but it was really hard to see him because of his business...he was really stressed that he wouldn't have time to spend with me and open the business. Whenever we did see each other, it was for HOURS on end because he didn't want to leave and I didn't want him to either. So...he would get stressed about all the work he wasn't doing but was supposed to be doing. When he was dating his girlfriend, he had plenty of time because she didn't want to see him a lot. She still doesn't now that they are back together. He sees me much more than he sees her...I think he is just seeing her when he can for the sex, but he won't admit to it. I also think that even though he complains about her all the time, he's comfortable with their relationship because there is no stress about making time to see her. Now that we are "just friends" again, things are better in some ways. Last night, he came over and we took his jeep up into the mountains and parked on this hill where you could see the entire city for miles and miles. It was awesome! It was nice to be with him again and there was definitely something going on, but neither of us would act on it. So we just talked and talked. It's really complicated because I get the feeling that he wants more again but doesn't want the stress of having a real relationship with someone who he would have to make plans for when he's so busy opening a new business. With his girlfriend now, he doesn't have to worry about that...he can see her once every two or three weeks and it's fine. But with me, there is so much than a physical relationship...actually, there isn't ANY kind of physical relationship with me now. We just talk and talk and get along so well and love being with each other...but only on his terms now, because we're no longer together. I am not nearly as hurt as I was before...but some days I'm confused as to what's going on, and frustrated that he only does things with me on his time and his agenda. Usually I don't mind because I have more free time than he does and I understand he's very busy...but then there is this "sexual tension" between us but I won't make a move and I know he won't either because he is back with his girlfriend...if you can call her that. Who knows!!!???? Link to post Share on other sites
o0lovindrama0o Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color]I know where you're coming from! Since my freshman year of high school my best friend has been a guy. There were times when I liked him wanted to move things along, at first it seemed to be mutual but then we decided that because we were so close that we could't let anything happen. Then a few months later he started making comments that he wanted more of a "friends with benefits" type of relationship, which I was all for in the beginning. But honestly, it only complicated things. After he fell in love with this little slut who cheated on him it just went back to being best friends and that is the way it has been ever since. I love him, don't get me wrong, but because he is my best friend, not because I want to date him. I think that you should continue to be friends with this guy. I've been where you are, trust me the girlfriend hates you. But dating isn't worth messing up your friendship. But if you do date, make sure that this guy is the last person that you date!!! Be careful not to throw your great friendship away!!! I hope everything works out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeacherNancy Posted August 10, 2004 Author Share Posted August 10, 2004 Thanks for the support. Yes, you do know where I'm coming from. Now that you and your friend are back to being just friends, are there ever times where it goes beyond that? If so, who usually initiates it? I know that I won't ever initiate it but I can tell that he's still testing the waters and doing little things to make me know that it's not completely over. It's very confusing! What did you mean when you said that if I do date, make sure that this guy is the last person that I date?? I do need to find someone else to date because then I know that our friendship will be put back in it's right place. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
o0lovindrama0o Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Teacher Nancy, When things are intitiated it is usually a mutual thing. I'll be laying on his bed or something and then he'll come and snuggle me, that sort of thing. And it isn't really concious when we do it, it just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
o0lovindrama0o Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 When I say that if you do date make sure he is the last guy you date I mean make sure you don't let things fall apart because you are such good friends. If you are really two well connected people and a physical attraction is present then getting married shouldn't be an issue. Because, lets face it, if you're like me, you don't want to loose him. Link to post Share on other sites
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