dieselfume Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 I'm not sure what to do... We are both madly in love. We've really been dating for about a year, but have known each other for 1.5-2 years. We're both on our last year of college, mechanical engineering if that helps give insight to our way of thinking... She grew up going to catholic schools, I went to public schools but grew up Lutheran. We both want to keep sex for marriage, but this next year of school makes me wonder how frustrated we will get... I think her family is great, and I'm sure she thinks the same of mine (although my family is more spread out and she hasn't seen most of it, even my sister). We often discuss things like sex or what life might be like after college or having kids... We even started working on a list of different ways/places to have sex with the idea to do everything on the list within our first year of marriage. But, when I start talking more directly about marriage, she doesn't want to talk about it. I gave her a promise ring on valentines day, she wears it 24-7. We both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but she is reluctant to discuss marriage. I've been contemplating when I should propose. I'd like to propose just before or during the Holidays (between Halloween and turkey day), but I'm reluctant to act if she is reluctant to discuss the subject. I suspect that engagement would be 1.5-2 years so that we are not worrying about wedding arrangements while finishing up school in the spring. What should I do? Wait till she's ready to discuss it or find a better way to force the issue to the table... or just pop the question on a romantic evening? I'm also wondering if I should buy a ring first or if I should wait and go shopping together after I propose. Money isn't really an issue with the ring (despite being a poor college student), we both don't feel the need to support the monopoly that DeBeers has on the diamond market and the inflated prices of such diamonds. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 Well, I think that you should wait to pop the question. You guys will finish school in may 05 right? I would save up buy the ring, then when you guys go away for a grad trip. Pop the question. Honestly I would not do it during the hoildays b/c everything is always so stressful. Me being a girl and all my perfect proposal. Size does not matter on the ring...I want it to be something different and unique. Just to know that he went to through allot to propose to me and try to make my night perfect. Maybe he could take me for a weekend get away...and after a nice dinner and a stroll down the city strip he could pop the question on the sidewalk.. awwwwwwwww OK wait a second I need to come back into reality...hahah yeah that would never happen in a million years. I would settle for a promise ring...lol.....hahahah nah that stuff really does not matter. Just to be totally in Love in more than enough!!! GOOD LUCK Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 While a vacation/suprise proposal would make a lot of girls happy with their bf, I am kind of concerned that your girlfriend refuses to discuss future marriage plans, especially since you are the one bringing them up. I'd suggest not proposing---or mutually purchasing a ring-- until you are both fully committed to marrying eachother. You need to ask your girlfriend directly what her thoughts are concerning marriage, and whether she plans to get married to you after you both graduate from college. Tell her that you would like to get married in the future, but you understand if she is not ready yet. She should at the least be honest about what her thoughts are. Whatever she says, don't give ultimatums, and don't fall into a pool of rejection. Maybe she feels that you haven't been dating long enough for her to decide whether she wants to marry you or not. Be understanding, and I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 We both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but she is reluctant to discuss marriage. Is it my imagination or does this seem to be an oxymoron? Apparently, you do not know what she wants. If she wanted marriage then SHE WOULD BRING THE SUBJECT UP. My suggestion, wait until this happens and count your lucky stars that you can put off the biggest gamble of your life a little longer. Frankly, it sounds like all the sex-talk is getting you all worked up and you're losing perspective. Maybe you should just get it over with? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 While I respect your decision about having sex after marriage, it is obvious that this little aspect does take its toll on you. Maybe it's not all about sex and I'm wrong... Marriage is... forever! You are both still very young. Some time ago I was in a long and serious relationship - 4 years and something more - and I also resented the subject of marriage. It's different for girls, even if we are commited to out SO, it takes something more... a feeling that tells us "ok, it's the right time". And untill then, it just won't happen. I don't know how your gf is, but every time my ex would try to bring up the subject I would not only refuse to discuss it, but even get upset... felt like being trapped. Trust me, you can't hurry someone into marriage. Give her time and look very carefull at how she reacts when you bring in the subject on you two getting married. There are so many things to discover about eachother, and yes, sex life is very very important in determing the chances of success of a relationship. Living together everyday, sharing not only the bed but every single day for some time do tell a different story about a person... To me is like an extra guarantee, also one may spend 20 years with someone and still not know the person next to them. I think your gf is wise... Think about your decisions and about how they might affect you two for the rest of your life... I am sorry to say this, but sometimes love just ain't enough... there are many more variables in the equation to make it work. And sometimes time can work for you, if you let it... Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Listen to the Curly, dieselfume! BTW Curly, you're probably familiar with a few things that dieselfume's girlfriend might do to take his mind off........................well, "going all the way." Why not give him some suggestions to pass along to her. I know I'd be most interested to hear these Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts