Feelings all mixed up!

[millies_mom]

I've never posted on one of these forums before, but here goes!

 

Been married 18 years. We don't have any children (sort of didn't happen) and we have more of a platonic relationship now. We are close, but more like brother/sister. I'm kind of OK with that - I have loads of other interests in life. We get on well most of the time, look out for and help the other etc. We have mutual interests and likes/dislikes and in a way life is fine.

 

It's so weird, but I was involved in organising a big event recently - lots of work went into it - and this guy, who I'd known just very slightly, offered loads of help. He was just brilliant and really helped everything happen smoothly. We had a poetry reading as part of the event and since I'm very shy standing in front of people and speaking (always have been), I asked him to read out mine and he did really beautifully and it kind of touched me that he did that. The poem (when I thought about it) was actually quite sensual (but I didn't think that before he read it!).

 

Anyway, up until that point I got on with him pretty well, but since then things have got more difficult! The following day he turned up again to help and when he came up to me to say hello he seemed kind of shy and awkward and blushed. And so I did too! He led one of the workshops later in the afternoon and noticed when I joined it and when I had to leave and rejoin it. And we had a slightly awkward chat.

 

I have developed some really strong feelings towards him. He has a partner (of some years); he's talented, normally very easy going, funny and passionate about his subject. He's a bit older than me but I'm not bothered about that.

 

He asked me out for a walk in the hills, which went OK. I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous and I had a tummy ache all afternoon I was so tense!

 

We are really awkward around each other now and I dont know if it's because he has feelings for me too or whether he senses I have them for him and he doesn't want to know!

 

We don't work together but do see each other occasionally through work.

 

I really dont know where I go from here. I would find it really difficult to tell him of my feelings - but I don't know why? Scared of rejection I suppose. I can't talk to anyone else about this since I can't tell my other half and dont really have any close friends!

 

Of course I also feel a loyalty to my husband, but these new feelings I have are incredibly strong!

[kamani]

I don't understand why the relationship with your husband is 'platonic'. It shouldn't be so.

 

The awkward behaviour when you are with your friend is normal. That subconsciously happens when you develop feelings for someone unavailable while you are married.

 

Why do you want to tell him about your feelings? Before you do it you have to decide whether you are going to leave your husband or you make a choice to cheat.

 

May be he has feelings, but he doesn't want to pursue it because he is already in a relationship.

 

Walk out now, an affair with him would lead you nowhere. It would only cause pain.