ork16 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 i have always taken care of our finances, i just remember the account numbers better so its easier for me to do and moslty he cant be bothered. anyway two years ago i lent my sister £600. she needed it to tide her over she paid it back the same week. i never told my partner because he doesnt like my sister and shes always in financial difficulty. any way the other week i let it slip that i had lent her money a while back and now hes gone ape**** over it. he asked how much, knowing i was in trouble and being put on the spot i said £400. hes now saying that he cant trust me at all how could i lend her money and not tell him etc. so now hes going through all our bank statements looking for what ive been spending money on. this is the only time ive ever done anyhing i shouldnt have with our money but the way he sees it is because he works and i dont i have no right to buy anything i dont ask for. i feel like ive ruined everything over one little mistake add on top of that his rifling through the accounts will prove that i lied again by not telling him the real amount. is what ive done that wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) A relationship is based on trust and communication. So, if you keep information from him and he finds out, then the consequence is that he won't trust you. I agree there are reasons it's not so bad: -It wasn't for your own gain -It's not much money -It was repaid quickly, so no loss. Bleating and minimising won't help you, it is counterproductive. An apology will help you. Make it fully. Then if he still is livid, then you have done what you can and it becomes his responsibility. You deserve say in how money is spent: perhaps not as much as he does, but you deserve it. He does not want to hear this, but it is true. If he does not account for everything he spends as well as you, then he needs to provide reasoning to make you do it. This would be a better point had you not given him reason to monitor you, so don't mix this in with your apology. Edited November 26, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 He may have had a past relationship where his partner was not truthful. So your deceit may have brought back bad memories. Unfortunatly, when trust is broken, it is hard to find that trust again. You might need to get him involved in the family books until he sees your are being honest. Or maybe not honest. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 It wasn't the right thing to do on your part, but I think he is overreacting. She's already paid the money back. It's your sister, for goodness sake. I think you guys should sit down and talk about how much money you can each spend without talking it over with each other. Obviously, you don't ask his permission for every little purchase, so what's the cutoff? Is it ok to lend your sister $20 without telling him? Communication is the key. You gotta have a plan - that way neither of you have your expectations shot. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 You deserve say in how money is spent: perhaps not as much as he does, but you deserve it. No, they deserve EQUAL say. Marriage is a partnership. They need to discuss, negotiate, and agree. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 And I would go ahead and tell him the real amount now... get the truth on the table. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts