Chi townD Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Hey Loneman, I don't think anyone asked but how did the OMW react to your information? The reason why I asked is I'm usually surprised that even though they're hurting, they're usually thankful for the information. Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 I hope you don't mind my asking but i would really be interested in why despite having two boys, you refuse to communicate with her. I cannot understand why you cannot talk about the boys on the phone? I am not judging you, I really want to know why. My ex refused to talk to me and it was ridiculous and cost more money in solicitors fees despite my being civil. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderer25 Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 If she complains, tell her that things happen for a reason In case anyone missed it Things happen for a reason she loved to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 Hey Loneman, I don't think anyone asked but how did the OMW react to your information? The reason why I asked is I'm usually surprised that even though they're hurting, they're usually thankful for the information. I only talked to her once, showed her the proof but did not give her copies of anything. Just basically told her do do some of her own digging. She was shocked I guess, could not figure her out. Pretty much silent the whole time. She did thank me but also said she has no reason to trust me. They are most likely denying everything. I wish I knew what happened next. I guess I will find out one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 I hope you don't mind my asking but i would really be interested in why despite having two boys' date=' you refuse to communicate with her. I cannot understand why you cannot talk about the boys on the phone? I am not judging you, I really want to know why. My ex refused to talk to me and it was ridiculous and cost more money in solicitors fees despite my being civil.[/quote'] It's really her call. She is bitter, mad at me. And at the same time it helps me heal. Every time we did try to talk she would mention something that would hurt me...me being a bad husband, bad father, would bring up some stupit stuff from the past or the worst one of all when she talks about OM how a great person he is, has goals in life, got money, connections... We do communicate via email, I can not stand the sound of her voice. But really, there is nothing to talk about any more. Maybe sometimes in the future. She said to ke a couple of times how we will laugh about all this one day. Yep, it's very funny breaking up the family apart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) I only talked to her once, showed her the proof but did not give her copies of anything. Just basically told her do do some of her own digging. She was shocked I guess, could not figure her out. Pretty much silent the whole time. She did thank me but also said she has no reason to trust me. They are most likely denying everything. I wish I knew what happened next. I guess I will find out one day. You know, if the OW's H had come to me with information (when I had no idea about the A), I initially probably wouldn't have believed him either. I mean really, he would have been a complete stranger and the idea (at that point) would have been so preposterous that I wouldn't have trusted him at all. The thing is though, if you showed her proof, once her shock wears off she will start to really consider what you have said. Did you leave her any way to get in contact with you? You're right, her H and your xW will likely snowball her with any questions/doubts she now has. At least if she could contact you, you could offer her proof. That poor woman, she is in the same boat as you. I know that many here have tried to tell you that you shouldn't have told the other wife but I think she had the right to know. After d-day, I tried to track down the OW's H in my situation but I couldn't find him. OW and her H were separated during (because of?) the affair she was having and they lived quite a distance away. So I never got to talk to him and I heard later that they divorced. But yeah, I would have told him what I knew had I had the opportunity. If your xW and her H had done nothing wrong, there wouldn't have been anything for you to tell. You would have never, ever crossed paths. It's all on them, not you, and not the other wife. Edited November 28, 2012 by Snowflower 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 I hope you don't mind my asking but i would really be interested in why despite having two boys' date=' you refuse to communicate with her. I cannot understand why you cannot talk about the boys on the phone? I am not judging you, I really want to know why. My ex refused to talk to me and it was ridiculous and cost more money in solicitors fees despite my being civil.[/quote'] Are you a BS or WS? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 I only talked to her once, showed her the proof but did not give her copies of anything. Just basically told her do do some of her own digging. She was shocked I guess, could not figure her out. Pretty much silent the whole time. She did thank me but also said she has no reason to trust me. They are most likely denying everything. I wish I knew what happened next. I guess I will find out one day. Every reason to give this BW proof. How could you not give the BW proof? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 Every reason to give this BW proof. How could you not give the BW proof? I showed her all text messages between them two and the ones she sent me on my iPad. I don't know why I did not want to give her any hard copies, guess I just wanted do be done with the whole thing. But she has my contact info. I don't think she will contact me. Probably doing some digging of her own. I gave her the dates, places, phone numbers....everything I had. She did write it all down. I know someone contacted my XW. Not sure if it was OM or her. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Are you a BS or WS? She's an OW/wayward Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I did, when I first found out I exposed it to her family, friends even OW. But I had no proof at the time. But she was way too deep in the affair fog, in her fantasy that she did not care. Even ten months later she told me that she had no remorse, that she is still in love with him. Things happen for a reason she loved to say. I haven't read all 7 pages yet, but this right here...what she said to you, she be reason enough that you shouldn't feel bad at all for doing what you did. I often wish my W would have taken all the evidence she had and showed it to xMW's H so that she'd be in the same boat I am/was in. I always thought, why should she live her life care free, pretending I never existed, staying married with no issues her H not knowing a thing. My wife chose to leave it alone despite her hatred for xMW and there are still times I wish she'd expose it all .... I think you did the right thing and you should stand behind it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 She's an OW/wayward Thank you for the heads up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I haven't read all 7 pages yet, but this right here...what she said to you, she be reason enough that you shouldn't feel bad at all for doing what you did. I often wish my W would have taken all the evidence she had and showed it to xMW's H so that she'd be in the same boat I am/was in. I always thought, why should she live her life care free, pretending I never existed, staying married with no issues her H not knowing a thing. My wife chose to leave it alone despite her hatred for xMW and there are still times I wish she'd expose it all .... I think you did the right thing and you should stand behind it. You can still hand over the evidence to the BS that you wronged. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 You can still hand over the evidence to the BS that you wronged. I will if she asks for it. But she has not contacted me yet and probably will not. I bet she bought the lies from her husband and my XW. After all, I am just a bitter guy whose wife left him because I as an a-hole to her. And these are the words OM told me when I talked to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I will if she asks for it. But she has not contacted me yet and probably will not. I bet she bought the lies from her husband and my XW. After all, I am just a bitter guy whose wife left him because I as an a-hole to her. And these are the words OM told me when I talked to him. Ahhh....But, I think you left a seed of doubt. I think that she WANTS to believe the lies that her husband is telling her and she may be buying into it. But, you put her on alert and I think she's looking at things a lot more closely. Especially if your STBXW and the OM are going on some work trip together. Unless she has a completely broken self esteem and is afraid life alone. NO strong woman likes to be made a fool of. She may be looking at this closely. Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Are you a BS or WS? WS and I can understand how you feel, believe me. I now wish my ex had told the BS and not me. Then i wouldn't have had to tell her myself. Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Ahhh....But, I think you left a seed of doubt. I think that she WANTS to believe the lies that her husband is telling her and she may be buying into it. But, you put her on alert and I think she's looking at things a lot more closely. Especially if your STBXW and the OM are going on some work trip together. Unless she has a completely broken self esteem and is afraid life alone. NO strong woman likes to be made a fool of. She may be looking at this closely. My MM's BS is a very strong woman, despite being told twice, she never even called me, she never even checked where he was parking, despite being 2 minutes drive, she never checked his phone, beats me it does, I just don't get it.. I now discover that she did actually know before I told her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Ahhh....But, I think you left a seed of doubt. I think that she WANTS to believe the lies that her husband is telling her and she may be buying into it. But, you put her on alert and I think she's looking at things a lot more closely. Especially if your STBXW and the OM are going on some work trip together. Unless she has a completely broken self esteem and is afraid life alone. NO strong woman likes to be made a fool of. She may be looking at this closely. From what I could see OM is a very good manipulator. He spends a lot of time out, working, late night meetings...my XW works closely with him, you can say they are partners (more than one way). She has met my XW couple of times and even said how good looking and sexy she is. Yes, there is a seed of doubt probably. But IMHO she loves him and chooses to trust him, even though I showed her the evidence. I cant say she just dismissed everything I told and showed her, but hope for her own good she will be more on alert. My XW told me she still loves her MM but they are not together any longer. Whic I think is a complete BS. They still talk everyday and see each other 2-3 times a week. They will eventually get caught by his wife, and I wish I could be there to see it. Now I have to say that MM is nothing like me. He is younger (33), i am 37. An I am in really good shape, take care of my body...he on the other hand is overweight, bolding, smoker, manipulator....Sometimes I wonder what she sees in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 My MM's BS is a very strong woman' date=' despite being told twice, she never even called me, she never even checked where he was parking, despite being 2 minutes drive, she never checked his phone, beats me it does, I just don't get it.. I now discover that she did actually know before I told her.[/quote'] I do not know your story, but why did you tell her? Did your MM treat you badly, or ended it so you were bitter? No judgment here, just trying to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
CantgetoveritNY Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I see Realist3 theme of don't tell. Of you I want to ask, what if the OM is a medical professional that had a sanctionable affair with a patient? But the patient, my wife, and the OM's wife and the OM all want to keep it quiet? Do I owe it to the public to report his offense to the licencing board? Or do I owe it to the OM's wife or my wife to keep it quiet? To Loneman, after reading all these posts, what do you think I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 I see Realist3 theme of don't tell. Of you I want to ask, what if the OM is a medical professional that had a sanctionable affair with a patient? But the patient, my wife, and the OM's wife and the OM all want to keep it quiet? Do I owe it to the public to report his offense to the licencing board? Or do I owe it to the OM's wife or my wife to keep it quiet? To Loneman, after reading all these posts, what do you think I should do? Well, I did what i did before I asked anyone for advice. And I am glad I did it. There are too many questions here. Is your wife still with OM? If she is I would definetely expose it. Is she remorseful, is the OM remorseful? If not I would expose. Are you trying to reconcile? I do not know much about your story so I cant give you much advice. What do you feel deep down in your gut is the right thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 My point was that, yes your life may be destroyed, but it is not your responsibility or business to go destroy someone elses. Deal with the problems in your own house instead of inflicting pain on others in another house. That's just how I roll. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 My point was that, yes your life may be destroyed, but it is not your responsibility or business to go destroy someone elses. Deal with the problems in your own house instead of inflicting pain on others in another house. That's just how I roll. By this basis...no one should have slept with someone not in their own house. Non sequiter. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 ...he on the other hand is overweight, bolding, smoker, manipulator....Sometimes I wonder what she sees in him. THis is what men just don't understand. Women, on average, don't go for looks or muscles or hair...so much as CONVERSATION. To be heard. To be listened to. To be wanted. The ugliest slub on the planet can get a girl, if he comes across as concerned, caring, interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 By this basis...no one should have slept with someone not in their own house. Non sequiter. No, it is not a non sequitur at all. You and your spouse have your bond. Your bond is not with the MW or MW or their BS's or whomever. Your business, your pain resides with those you have made your bond. Yes, that other person came into your "house" your "bond" at the invitation of your significant other. That is where your beef lies. Link to post Share on other sites
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