Furious Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Another reason some don't want the affair disclosed to the betrayed spouse is the chance violence may ensue. But then again if the OM/OW have knowledge that their affair partner's spouse is volatile....but, it's a chance they're willing to take if they can't resist being with the affair partner. It's true, no can control or predict the actions of other's, even the most brilliant people with the highest of intelligence get caught. General Petraeus for example. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Exactly you can't make someone do what they don't want to do, so stop using the guise of disrupting the affair as an excuse to stick a nose into a relationship where it does not belong. So how did the OM's nose (and other extremities) belonged in my relationship with my XW? You are going to say that my XW choose that? Was it none of my business what was happening in my marriage? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Another reason some don't want the affair disclosed to the betrayed spouse is the chance violence may ensue. But then again if the OM/OW have knowledge that their affair partner's spouse is volatile....but, it's a chance they're willing to take if they can't resist being with the affair partner. It's true, no can control or predict the actions of other's, even the most brilliant people with the highest of intelligence get caught. General Petraeus for example. This is very true. You could be opening up a bag of something you have no clue about. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 So how did the OM's nose (and other extremities) belonged in my relationship with my XW? You are going to say that my XW choose that? Was it none of my business what was happening in my marriage? Because the OM was invited in by your WS. It was certainly your business what was happening with your marriage, but it was not your business what was happening with OM's. That is my whole point. Your business is with your spouse, and no one elses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loneman Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Because the OM was invited in by your WS. It was certainly your business what was happening with your marriage, but it was not your business what was happening with OM's. That is my whole point. Your business is with your spouse, and no one elses. What if I was trying to get into BS pants? Still none of my business? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 The affair was already interrupted by its discovery. All the BS is doing by informing the other BS is placing themselves into another couple's relationship. You have no place there. Exactly you can't make someone do what they don't want to do, so stop using the guise of disrupting the affair as an excuse to stick a nose into a relationship where it does not belong. So it isn't okay to stick a nose into a relationship, but it is fine to stick your genitals into one? OP, you were right to disclose. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Because the OM was invited in by your WS. It was certainly your business what was happening with your marriage, but it was not your business what was happening with OM's. That is my whole point. Your business is with your spouse, and no one elses. Honestly, this thread need to die a natural death, the original poster, LM has realized he didn't do wrong and actually made the right choice by telling the truth. Agree or disagree - It's HIS life, his decision and nobody on here should be trying to make him feel bad for telling the truth. Why is the 'discussion' still going on his thread? Why not create your own thread about this Realist instead of arguing your point over and over and over again on his thread? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 This is very true. You could be opening up a bag of something you have no clue about. Exactly!!! So when you sleep with someone's spouse you could be opening a bag you have no clue of. You can't control the repercussions if you're found out. Exposure of the affair is a very real possibility and you can't control the actions of a betrayed spouse...just as similarly a spouse cannot control the actions of a WS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Exactly!!! So when you sleep with someone's spouse you could be opening a bag you have no clue of. You can't control the repercussions if you're found out. Exposure of the affair is a very real possibility and you can't control the actions of a betrayed spouse...just as similarly a spouse cannot control the actions of a WS. Yes, but under many circustances the BS that find out probably may have inclinations. So there is already some level of expectation. When BS shows up on other BS's door and says your SO has been having an affair with my spouse, it may come as a total shock which can lead to more irrational behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Yes, but under many circustances the BS that find out probably may have inclinations. So there is already some level of expectation. When BS shows up on other BS's door and says your SO has been having an affair with my spouse, it may come as a total shock which can lead to more irrational behaviour. Why would you care, the betrayed spouse's relationship with the other betrayed spouse is none of your business or how rational or irrational they may become. There are many irrational OM/OW who may pose a threat to the betrayed spouse. That's the thing about infidelity that invites risk, regardless to what side of the triangle that causes it. If you have the right to sleep with whomever you choose, the betrayed spouse has the right to disclose the affair to whomever they choose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Yes but as the affair partner that's none of your concern (by your own logic) since you are not part of the marital relationship which exists between your affair partner and your affair partner's betrayed spouse. I'm not sure you are understanding the logic. The affair partner is of my concern since that is the person I have a relationship with. I don't have any business involving her spouse in my relationship with her and neither does my W. It is you as the person having the affair who claims to have no interest in your affair partner's marriage. That is your justification for questioning your betrayed spouse's motives in disclosing to the other betrayed spouse. Yes. I have no participation her relationship with him and neither does my spouse. You are perfectly entitled to your position that your affair partner's marriage is none of your concern. (Obviously that's how you justify having an affair without taking any responsibililty for the damage caused to your affair partner's marriage.) However your contention that your own Betrayed Spouse therefore has no concern with your affair partner's marriage doesn't follow from your own lack of concern. Because your professed lack of concern for the other marriage, your indifference to it, is motivated by your desire to have sex with your affair partner and not concern yourself with the affair's effect on your affair partner's marriage. What rational concern can she possibly have with someone elses marriage, whom she doesn't even know? None! But your betrayed partner is not having an affair with anyone in the other marriage and therefore has no motivation to be indifferent to it. What motivation is there to be involved in it? It is not her relationship in any way shape or form. Being that you are indifferent to your affair partner's marriage and to your affair partner's betrayed spouse, it is illogical and inconsistent for you to claim to be concerned about the other betrayed spouse's welfare. Not at all. I am concerned for the wishes of my MW, and what she wants for her relationship with her H. That does not mean I can impose my will upon it. Nor should that mean my W can impose hers on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 The affair was already interrupted by its discovery. All the BS is doing by informing the other BS is placing themselves into another couple's relationship. You have no place there. Exactly you can't make someone do what they don't want to do, so stop using the guise of disrupting the affair as an excuse to stick a nose into a relationship where it does not belong. This is absolutely preposterous if all is fair in love and war...which it is if done truthfully. If your AP stuck their nose and othe bodily parts into my relationship, I certainly am allowed to insert my life into their life in what ever way I see fit as long as I am honest and fair about my assertions. The treachery is not in the TELLING OF THE TRUTH. If the APS did not want or expect the truthful telling of their actions, then they should have told all about the relationship from the get go. That is what adults do...own their choices and their actions! We teach that on the playground, for crying out loud! you insert yourself in my marriage, I reserve the right to insert myself into your marriage. AND I'm doing it with the TRUTH! That's only fair. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 This is absolutely preposterous if all is fair in love and war...which it is if done truthfully. If your AP stuck their nose and othe bodily parts into my relationship, I certainly am allowed to insert my life into their life in what ever way I see fit as long as I am honest and fair about my assertions. They didn't stick it there by their own. They did it because they were INVITED by your spouse. You were not invited into their relationship. The treachery is not in the TELLING OF THE TRUTH. If the APS did not want or expect the truthful telling of their actions, then they should have told all about the relationship from the get go. I'm sorry but that is being overly dramatic That is what adults do...own their choices and their actions! We teach that on the playground, for crying out loud! you insert yourself in my marriage, I reserve the right to insert myself into your marriage. AND I'm doing it with the TRUTH! That's only fair. Adults deal with their own issues in their own realm, not going "playground" and trying to inflict their pain on others. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 In any affair their are three parties involved; the two affair partners and the BS. That is where the circle begins and ends. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 I'm not sure you are understanding the logic. The affair partner is of my concern since that is the person I have a relationship with. I don't have any business involving her spouse in my relationship with her and neither does my W. Yes. I have no participation her relationship with him and neither does my spouse. What rational concern can she possibly have with someone elses marriage, whom she doesn't even know? None! What motivation is there to be involved in it? It is not her relationship in any way shape or form. Not at all. I am concerned for the wishes of my MW, and what she wants for her relationship with her H. That does not mean I can impose my will upon it. Nor should that mean my W can impose hers on it. you are living in fantasyland my friend. You can CHOOSE not to insert yourself in you MAP's marriage, BUT you cannot make that choice for your wife. Your wife may feel this OW doesn't deserve rev her protection from her supposedly abusive H and may CHOOSE to insert herself any damn way possible. NEWSFLASH: If you really care for this MOW, why oh why would you risk her health and safety by having an affair with her, IF her H is the badass she claims he is? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 In any affair their are three parties involved; the two affair partners and the BS. That is where the circle begins and ends. Absolutely untrue! the newspapers are FILLED with revenge, violence, suicides over love triangles. people SHOULD respect your secret affair? Says who? You? That is NOT human nature when betrayed, lied to, and deceived. you are kidding, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Guys, ignore realist. He's a troll. Or no better than one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 You can declare it so all you want. Especially when you force the A on the third party, you're in no position to talk about what's proper. There are unsuspecting people unknowingly sharing someone else's bodily fluids. I can't believe someone feels they have a right to declare the proper moral stance as regards the fallout of an A when they are the ones responsible for the deceit. I got news for you. No one cares to hear a lecture on morals from someone involved in forcing an unknowing BS to be the third party in an A. The OP feels he did the right thing. So do the rest of us. My position is the same as yours. We may have differing opinions, but it does not mean we have no position to express them. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Exactly!!! So when you sleep with someone's spouse you could be opening a bag you have no clue of. You can't control the repercussions if you're found out. Exposure of the affair is a very real possibility and you can't control the actions of a betrayed spouse...just as similarly a spouse cannot control the actions of a WS. Agreed. The question is the wisdom or purpose of the BS confronting the other BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Sounds like you are afraid of the betrayed spouse. It sounds like you are projecting. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Look, everyone can have their own opinion whether the BS should spill the beans to the other BS. That is fine. Just because the majority that post here think they should does not mean my opinion is incorrect, nor that the majority opinion is correct. All situations are not black and white, and black and white advice is what is usually offered up here. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 What is your hangup with body fluids? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 The affair was already interrupted by its discovery. All the BS is doing by informing the other BS is placing themselves into another couple's relationship. You have no place there. Exactly you can't make someone do what they don't want to do, so stop using the guise of disrupting the affair as an excuse to stick a nose into a relationship where it does not belong. Everyone has the basic right to know the truth about what is happening to their life. A marriage is between 2 people not 3. When an OM has an affair with a WW he put himself into a couples business. When the BH has his dday it is their right and responsibility to return the favor an enter the OM marriage with the truth and tell the OMW. The OM puts the BH health at risk, chance to knock up his WW, and you state that only the OM gets to intrude in other peoples marriages but the BH does not. Not even when Hell freezes over. The only thing you are right is that exposure is not 100% effective to stop affairs. Though it is the most effective tool available and the only tool available to kill affairs. Exposure is not about revenge. Yes it does feel good to see a rat bastard get what is comong to him. Though that is not the purpose of exposure but a consequence of the AP's actions. The messenger did not do anything wrong but tell the truth. If the AP's hate that the truth got out it is because they are embarrassed by what they did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 If it is my BS, then I most certainly do have a bond with them. You mean you HAD a BOND with your spouse until you made them a BS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Their motives are totally relevant. They know what they are doing will inflict pain. If my wife had decided to go running to my MW's BS, I would have left her right then and there as it would have been an evident act of revenge. So you had no problem letting your OW enter your BW's marriage yet you deny your BW to do the same back to the OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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