2nd chance with possible commitmentphobe

[vavavoom]

Hi, I'm new to the forum so please bear with me.

 

Background:

 

Dated really sweet guy for 7 months, I'll call him Max. all was going well until I started to feel safe and began to fall for him- about 6 months into it. He told me he really liked me and when I returned the sentiment he started acting weird. Distancing himself a bit, talking to old exes on facebook, being too tired/sick for sex etc. So when I called him out on his confusing behavior, he broke down and said he wasn't sure what he wanted. That he hadn't been in a "REAL" relationship in a long time but that he really liked me, i was everything he wanted but the timing wasn't right yet at the same time he was concerned that we didn't have much in common (wtf was all I thought). I told him I needed a guy who was sure of himself and his feelings for me, that it wasn't fair and we ended it.

 

6 months pass by- with very little contact- He wanted to remain friends, but I don't operate that way, especially when I still have feelings. Also he has a history of remaining friends with all the girls he dated and I wasn't about to be another one at the time.

 

This past September, we run into each other at a mutual friend's event. Sparks rekindle and we begin talking again. He tells me he loves me and hope it stays that way and wants to make a "REALl" go at this relationship that it won't be easy but he wants it. I really do care deeply for this man but I am scared of being hurt again. I have my own trust issues with men that I am working on. Anyhoo, I decided last week, that okay I want to be with him and give it a shot.

 

Now here is why I came here to post:

 

He went out last night with some of his friends (I was sick so didn't mind, however he didn't even invite me). He text me goodnight and this morning when we spoke on the phone he said that something terrible had happened and that he wanted my opinion on the issue. His friend Jay,was at the bar with him and just began dating one of his exes again, i'll call her Sara (similar to our situation). While his friend Jay was dancing, Max says to sara, "Jay is an awesome guy, he's the best!". Sara responds by saying, "yeah i love him to death but he's not the one, you know what I mean?" Max says he does and then Sara proceeds to ask Max out to dinner. Max tells me he declined dinner by saying "I don't know about that" NO MENTION OF ME. NO MENTION THAT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND THAT HE SUPPOSEDLY LOVES. I say this straight up to Max and he responds to me by saying, "yea but I didn't do anything wrong though, so what do you think I should do, should I tell Jay? " -_-

 

I'm actually mad, upset, hurt worried about this. Do you think it is normal that I am feeling this way? How could he not mention me and think nothing of it? I know he is concerned about telling his friend but really nada??? Am I an idiot for giving Max another chance or am i just over reacting? After all he did tell me about it... input please and thank you

[Treasa]

I certainly don't think you're an idiot, but I don't think you should give him another chance. In fact, send him a cool email telling him that you think he should go out on this dinner date with Sara. And then lose his number. He's absolutely classless at the very BEST.

 

In the past I would have tolerated this from a guy to keep him, but no longer. There's one thing to make a mistake or inadvertently hurt someone, but he didn't really want to know your advice. He just wanted to throw you off balance by telling you about this chick that likes him. Don't fall for it.

 

If you can, just move on. Don't make a big deal about it. If he asks, tell him you aren't sure if he's the one you want to be with, and then date other people.

[Treasa]

I neglected to say that men seem to be the ones to chase and push fast and hard in the beginning, and then when we return it, they lose interest. It's up to you to set the pace in the relationship, and not give them too much of yourself. Certainly when they haven't earned it. And this guy hasn't, and never did.

[vavavoom]

I neglected to say that men seem to be the ones to chase and push fast and hard in the beginning, and then when we return it, they lose interest. It's up to you to set the pace in the relationship, and not give them too much of yourself. Certainly when they haven't earned it. And this guy hasn't, and never did.

 

Thanks Treasa I appreciate your input. Yeah I've seen the tendency of men to chase and push fast from an early age and it all be baloney. That's why I'm slow to warm up but when I fall, I fall hard. I've had 3 serious relationships in my life (1st was 5 years, 2nd was 2 years and then this last one). So i'm pretty good at setting the pace and what not.

 

Just with this guy... He seems so genuine but at the same time does such confusing things. He's honest and sometimes I feel too much so. So a part of me is like Hell yea when you say that he just told me this to throw me off balance while another part is saying hey he's telling me right? ugh idk. but thank you

[NavyAirTraffic]

He's looking for other options, maybe... I was asked out today, I'm seeing a woman I'm not 100% into and instead of saying "sorry I'm with someone" I said "oh, Tuesday is no good for me". If he's 100% into you and only wants to be with YOU, why hide you to anyone??

 

There is no other logical answer!!