Told my best friend I wonder about being more than friends: now things are strained

[meggles]

I am in such a conundrum! Typical I guess...but the hardest thing I have ever been faced with.

 

 

I am in love with my best friend--or atleast I wonder about things a lot. Only problem is that he is in London and I'm now in NYC. We have been inseperable for 2 years now. When we met he had a g/f, so was untouchable. He broke up with her and since then we have done everything together. We take vacations, we lived together for a year and everyone is always asking if we are dating or when the wedding will be. We have never taken it past friends--we sleep in the same bed and cuddle, but no kissing or anything else physical. I've gone to visit him in Switzerland and London, he had plans to come visit me here in NYC.

 

 

I recently went back to London to graduate and I finally asked him if he ever wondered about what would have happened if I hadn't left (2 other couples that we lived with were in the same situation as us, but are now dating and compeletely in love). He said yes, but that we couldn't do anything about it b/c I was there and he was here. He said he wanted to kiss me, but we didn't. We also realized that neither of us had had relationships since we've know eachother, because we always felt as if we were cheating on the other person. Pretty much we just held eachother and cried.

 

 

This was the 1st night of my 10 day vacation with him. We were still inseperable and did everything together...the only time we were apart was when either of us took a shower or went to the bathroom. Still slept in the same bed, still cuddled. BUt awkward at times. Towards the end he said he was glad I came and that we had talked about it. The night before I left he cuddled up to me and wouldn't let me go...

 

 

I'm scared as hell that I ****ed everything up. Email was weird for a bit, and now it is back to normal--however I haven't heard from him in over a week so I'm freaking out again. I cry all the time.

 

 

WHAT CAN I DO? I can't think about this anymore. I'm to the point now that I want to fly over there and beat the pulp out of him for being weird...and then just hold him and never let go. Please help me, this is consuming me....

[uriel]

Calm down. This guy has feelings for you, too. It's just the ocean between you that's a problem. Unless you are both willing to make future plans to settle on the same land mass, you're going to need to just stay friends.

 

For now, give him some space to think this through. You already seem pretty certain you want to be with him -- and might go the step of changing your life to make that happen. That's a big decision for him. He needs to give it thought.

 

Yes, your freaking out is completely understandable. You want reassurance right now that he's your friend. He is. I've no doubt of that, and deep down I don't think you do either. But even more than that, you want reassurance that he returns your feelings to the degree that the romance spark isn't going to fizzle. He's not giving you that yet because he needs to get used to the idea, feel it out, and make a decision. He doesn't want to mess things up either. If he tells you yes, he wants to mean it. If he tells you no, he wants to say it in a way that won't break your heart and drive you away. You matter to him.

 

Don't force that process by either demanding an answer or telling him you don't need one because you had a momentary flight of insanity. Face your fears about it enough so that you can give him time. Let him contact you next.

 

-- uriel

[Ali G]

Wow, lucky guy! I've never had a girl that could give a rip about me... especially to that degree. I'm sure he'll come around and things will workout. I know if this was about me, it wouldn't take me long to relize how luck I would be...

 

respek