In love with my friend

[Donna1975]

Hi everyone. I am hoping someone can give me some advice on how to handle the situation I have gotten myself into.

I am in love with my best friend. We have been friends for 4 years and our relationship has never been textbook. We have SOOOOO much fun together and share so many good times. I have been in love with him for practically the entirety of our friendship. I told him that I had feelings for him about 8 months ago and he told me that even though he cared about me he doesn't feel the same. So I tried to get over it and in the process we became better friends ands kept getting closer and closer. I would spend several evenings a week just going to his house cuddling on his bed with him and just laughing. Cuddling turned into massaging and holding hands......but we never kissed or anything else.

So about a month ago we ended up truly getting together and the problem is that he still doesn't feel anything besides friendship for me. it was just a mistake.

The encounter was confusing for me and I feel like I am really drowning in this. We have mutual friends and hang with the same crowd.

The situation started with a kiss and then one thing led to another (we had both had a lot to drink). After when we were just lying there I went to kiss him and he told me that he didn't think we should kiss again because it was crossing the line. I was so hurt. I felt worthless and I couldn't believe he could be that cruel. I was good enough for what had just happened but not good enough to kiss.

Now things are very messed up. I confronted him on it a couple of weeks later but got no satisfaction.

I am so angry with him and want to cut him out of my life....but how do I do that?

Hindsight has brought some clarity regarding our friendship and I know now that he used me for some temporary satisfaction. The more I think back on our friendship the more I realize that he has not been that great of a friend to me. I just twisted it all to justify what I was feeling for him. He only calls me when he is lonely and since this happened he has not hardly called me at all.

How do you cut someone out when you love them? How can I love someone like this? That is what is so messed up....I don't know why I love him. I am usually a level headed girl but I am completely consumed by this relationship. He is all I think about. How do I get over it? I have dated in the past 4 years but I haven't given anyone else a fair chance because of my feelings for this guy. I am wasting my time waiting because I think he will have some great epiphany and realize he loves me as well. In the mean time I am moving further and further away from where I want to be.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[dudesomewhere]

questionst that don't really require answers...

 

do you really love him as more than a friend...or did you love him...?

Did he use you for something temporary?

 

We'll never really know as the readers but that's for you to determine. In my view if I was friends with a female and she one day decided she loved me, it wasn't that she actually did but that because I am just there. Now I know that it's possible for that to happen for 2 people but more often than not, someone feels something they think is more than platonic love when it's just a matter of circumstance...an opposite sex friend being there and just being someone who cares about you.

 

If he truly has not been that great of a friend to you as you've said, use that to help you move on.

 

gl

[moimeme]

You love him because you have found many things to love about him. Eventually, if you find enough things to love, they pile up and tumble over into loving the person.

 

I don't think it's productive to blame him because you were both drunk and went too far. He never led you on or told you anything other than that he only felt friendship for you. Unfortunately, sex can complicate your feelings - as you found out.

 

That is what is so messed up....I don't know why I love him. I am usually a level headed girl but I am completely consumed by this relationship. He is all I think about.

 

I think that, for women at least, caring for someone becomes a habit. These fellows will work themselves into our brains and hearts and then they are always present to us.

 

As with any other habit, you have to change the thought patterns and behaviours that reinforce it. Avoid doing things that remind you of him. Don't dwell on the happier times - it will only make you hope that there will be more of the same. Try to find a new hobby or interest that you can devote your think time to.

 

Don't regret loving him - nobody is all bad and it's the good in them we love. However, as you've found out, loving someone won't guarentee that person will have the good sense to love you back.