UmbrellaBoy Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) A friend I've been involved in a sort of emotional affair with for two years and I sort of ended things this weekend, at least for the time being. We're gay. He had been with another guy for a year, and our emotional involvement had been long-distance, when I sort of...moved to their city and broke them up. Then they were still living with each other, and my guy felt trapped and miserable in this limbo of a situation. The other guy (whom he has always been with mainly out of pity) became a raging alcoholic. Finally, my guy moved out this September to go off to school in a different city, and I thought they were really over, no longer lingering, and he promised me he would now start preparing himself for OUR relationship to be official. But now, a week before I visited him this weekend, he tried to cut me off. He said that the other guy had recently gone no-contact from him (they had still been talking a bit as friends), and that he was now so confused about what he wants and how he feels about everything. He thought we needed time off and that he could not be burdened by a sort of "pre-commitment" whereby he had been assuring me that, even if he wasn't ready for me yet, I was "next in line" and that he wasn't going to consider anyone ELSE until he had tried our relationship when he was ready. I did go up there this weekend, in the end, and it was a weird mix. We got more physical than we ever had before, but there was also a lot of crying from both of us, and he seemed in the end adamant that it was best we take time off now. He says reconnecting as friends, or even re-considering a relationship in the future is not an impossibility, but for now one of things he is considering is how this cut-off is making him feel about the other guy. In his clearer-headed moments, he seemed to recognize that three-months is not enough time to grieve a 2-year relationship, and that this cut-off thing and getting over that hump is probably a stage of his grief, but he also realized that in order to grieve he can't make any sort of commitment (nor a "commitment to commit" later) to me, and that to gain clarity I have to be gone. I agreed too, in the end, as it would hurt to much to know if he was getting with someone else (even if it were just a rebound). I helped him block my facebook, and we parted on tender terms. He seemed concerned about how he can contact me again IF he does decide he wants to. And he said somethings about me being no-contact levelling the playing field with the other guy, and hinted about how absence often causes him to realize what he really feels for someone. At the same time, I have my doubts about whether I'll ever hear from him again. Edited November 26, 2012 by UmbrellaBoy Link to post Share on other sites
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