No Contact from him in 2 months!

[kgal]

My ex and I were trying to reestablish our friendship...but I think instead of waiting a few months to heal and get over each other....we jumped right into trying to go back to friendship. It was extremely hard...as those "romantic feelings" didn't diminish..on my end anyway...and I still had hopes that we would get back together. It was seriously effecting me and my emotional health...so I told him that I felt some time not talking (on messenger) was best....however....I still wanted to keep the communication lines open (such as emailing)..cuz I didn't want to eliminate us from telling each other about major events that were happening for both of us..and so on. So...after telling him this...he wrote me back (June..thats the last time I heard from him) and says, "Not talking or emailing is best...etc." and that he would "Talk to me soon when things "settle" down.." I guess meaning we both have the time we need to heal.

 

Well...me being the impatient one, I guess....I just missed talking so much...and I'm guessing it's cuz I felt I had no upper hand ??? I still would email....only to hear nothing in return. It started to really depress me...and so I wrote one last time about a week ago...stating that I wouldn't write anymore..and that I just missed laughing with him.

 

Now...I have known this guy for 8 years...and he has been a huge part of my life. I just felt like everything was in shambles after we broke up...and then he stopped writing...I feel like I've lost someone very precious to me...and I don't know what to think sometimes. I'm hoping he'll write still...someday....but I try not to dwell on it....cuz I haven't heard anything yet...and I don't want to fill my thoughts of him anymore....it just hurts too much.

 

It's just devistating that's all...I feel like I've lost someone so special...I don't know why I let him get to me so much....I really thought I was stronger than this...and he was my first love...first guy I had gotten "close" with.

 

Hopefully time will help me and I'm praying alot...so that seems to do me alot of good.

 

Anyway..just wanted to vent.

[Starnette83]

its alright, all what ure going through is completely NORMAL...and the whole "hope" thing of when he might contact u might always exist as of now..but after a few months it might decrease....

Dont worry u wont realize how strong u r right now, but after 2 and then 3 weeks of u not trying to reach him u will realize the strength in you!!

 

I havent spoken to my ex for 3 weeks...and the first week was pretty off, then the second i started to feel forgotten and now on my 3rd week...im feeling more as "AS IF"....because im gainign alot more confidence in myself, im for the first timwe putting myself first, doing things for me, i go dancing every friday, go to the gym and eat right, clean my room, write poetry, listen to music, and even make mental pics of the future me, i know my life is better without him...i had given up so much from him, i loved him alot, so much that i hurt being in that relationship cuz he would lie to me and soemtimes make me feel unspecial..but as time goes by im starting to realize he was NEVER all that, and i dont understand why i used to think he was mr. special or the one...he doesnt deserve me..

 

If you ever feel like calling him or emailing him DONT!!! go take a shower instead, leave the house, do anything else but dont try to reach him....u might feel forgotten if they dont contact u...but they will also start feeling forgotten if u dont contact them...

sometimes things happen for a reason and we just dont know the reason, but usually what hurts makes us stronger, makes us better....anything that is HARD is always a benefit coming forward!! SO keep ure head up high, and think positive, YOU ARE WHAT U BELIEVE!!! so believe in yourself and believe that u can live without him!!! Goodluck

[kgal]

Thanks for that, Starnette.... I really feel more empowered after reading that..

[aFighter]

I haven't spoken to my ex since mid June and I feel fine. Once you let go the urge to contact them and let go of the hope that they'll contact you, then it's all plain sailing after that.

In truth, it doesn't effect me As Much now the thought of never hearing her voice or seeing her face again. Life goes on

[organic chemistry]

Originally posted by aFighter

I haven't spoken to my ex since mid June and I feel fine. Once you let go the urge to contact them and let go of the hope that they'll contact you, then it's all plain sailing after that.

In truth, it doesn't effect me As Much now the thought of never hearing her voice or seeing her face again. Life goes on

 

 

yep yep...that happens to me too....we broke up in feb...i still had hope that we might get together...

i called him,try to get him say yes to getting back...then i thought i should be stronger...no contact for few months...

then i thought about hope again...some drama happened...he made me believe we might have another chance for 1 night...then he started being a jerk the other day...well...i finally told myself i have had enough and it's the time to move on

 

everytime i think of him, i tell myself be strong and live happier than him

life goes on and i'm too busy to think of this jerk anyway

i dun hate him but i think i deserve to be treated better

[SMF]

its all too familiar. def. don't call. its the worse thing you could do. chances are if they want to speak to you- they could email or call you. its a daily struggle that i have where i don't call my ex b/f - we broke up almost a month ago and haven't had contact for 1 week. the first few weeks, i wanted him to talk to me and explain to me what happened. he never returned my calls, nothing. this is coming from a person that has never once disrespected me. always treated me like gold and was loyal.

 

then out of the blue decides he at 29 doesn't want to be in a serious relationship (albeit speaking about marriage, engagement and living together) however he never ever said those 3 special words. NEVER.

 

its just such a shame. I feel for anyone that is going through this. the pain and emptiness feels like it will never ever ever go away. i actually don't feel that my pain has gotten any less. i feel a pit in my stomach day in and day out and i constantly hope that he comes back... NOW THE BURNING QUESTION...

 

I am a strong, indepent 26 year old. Why in the world would I want someone back who has disrespected me, discouraged contact and basically threw a perfectly healthy, balanced relationship out the window bc he needs time and doesn't want a serious relationship.....

 

thats the question. we all need to flip out attitudes. stop feeling like the victim when in fact its the exes that have insecurity and inadequacy problems.

 

we are strong. we can get through this. do not call. do not show signs of weakness.

my dad always told me- would you go to a party that you were uninvited to? NO- so treat it as such. why pine and beg to be with someone, force them to see the light- when they don't even want you in their life.

 

its terrible...

[rukallstar]

This is my situation. The short of it. My ex and I broke up over memorial day weekend. Mind you as I was leaving she was writing my last name next to her's and she didn't want me to leave, but figured it was for the best becaue she felt she was too young to settle down. I'm 29, she's 25. We're both immature for our ages. Mind you she initiated sex an hour before I was to leave for my plane. Well we agreed (at my suggestion) that we should not have contact for 6 months. Our relationship was an LDR, problems that arose thru that. Mind you her parents and friends have told her that she should marry me, and my friends have tod me that I should marry her. Yada Yada.

 

We didn't contact each other for two months. Then I called, almost out of the blue. Mind you I have been thinking of her a lot, wanted to be strong, dated other people. But knew that I missed her in the same way that I missed my first love. I left message that she didn't have to call me back. She called two days later. I was caught off guard because she withheld the number. I said oh hey, probably shouldn't talk right now. I gotta go. I know immature. Then the next night I drunk dialed her, not leaving a message but probably calling three times in a row. I sent her an e-mail apology the next morning. I talked to a mutual friend today,who saw her last night. She was not with a new guy (i figured she would be dating someone seriously by now, we had talked about that over the break-up weekend). She told my friend that she had gone out on a few dates with some guy, but that's about it. I figure it can't be that serious if he wasn't at this party with her. Who knows. Anyway I called her today and left a message that I know I acted immature when I basically abruptly ended her phone call back and that she should call me back when she has the chance. I just want a sense of closure in a way, to find out that she is serious with somebody else. I also genuinely want to know if she is doing well. She was a bit of a mess, when we last parted. Hell we were joking to mutual friends that we wouldn't talk for 6 months and then get married. We were at her parents house and she told them that she can'ttalk to me for 6 months because if she does we'll get married. Her mom was like WTF?

 

I just want to know why she would call back 2 days later. When she didn't have to call and if she thinks I'm a total loser for drunk dialing her. First time during this whole thing. I was good for 9 weeks. And what does a few dates mean, and the guy is not with her? I know that after we started going out she felt comfortable introducing me to her friends. I know that I have to talk to her and find out what the deal is. Even if it will be painful, I just think it's better than the weird uncertainty that we left it at last time.

 

Any advice/insight would be appreciated. Especially from a woman's perspective. Mind you I have never begged for this girl to come back. I have expressed beyond a shadow of a doubt how I feel. We have both shed our fair share of tears over this, but I can honestly say that I'm not the type of guy who will beg for someone back , because at that moment you become a beta male and are no longer attractive.

 

thanks in advance

[SMF]

do you want to be with her?

do you love her?

 

if so- tell her.

[shamrock405]

its a tough situation, I am going through the same thing, ex and I tried to go right to friends since we have known each other for 5 years, and it wasn't working. I see him doing all these bad things and making all these bad decisions and it just hurts too much to sit by and watch him hurt himself. Its especially hard when he tells me how he thinks of me everyday and the new girl he is with, he keeps calling her by my name (which i do admit is hilarious considering the moments when he said them were very inappropriate if ya catch my drift ) because he jumped into a relationship with her before he really got over me.

 

I have decided not not talk to him for as long as I can, hopefully about a month, we are set to go to a concert together in early september, it just sucks cause we have the same group of close friends.. but I have made some new ones recently and caught up with old ones too! hang in there, it will get better, at least thats what everyone tells me too! and i just keep thinking if its meant to be it will, it really is hard to lose your bf and your best friend in the world at the same time, but i figure if it doesn't work out at least i learned something from him and will move on and make my life better as best I can.

 

[kgal]

Yea...I mean...I guess after more time has passed...he will feel more like writing me. At least...that's what I'm thinkin...I know I have to just be content with how things are and it's really up to him if he still wants to communicate and include me in his life. If he does...he knows Im here as a friend...and if not....well then....it's his loss.

 

[rukallstar]

In response to smf.

 

I spoke with her yesterday. First time in 10 weeks. It was awkward at first, but then we just settled into a groove. It turns out that she's just started dating a guy who i got her to admit, is a less cool version of me. he happens to win out because of proximity, rather than preference. and he's moving away from the city that she's in in a few months so she doesn't want to have an LDR again. so she'll start pushing him away soon.

 

do i love her. i think that i do. buti want to settle back into my old life and get my swagger back and see if i really do. if i still feel the way i have for the last 10 weeks then yes i love her and she's the one. if when i get my swagger back, i don't think about her as much, then she's not the one. she's going thru a rough time right now. she's a painter and wants to give it up. and she's not doing well in the real world. she told me next time i call her she'll probably be living with her parents. it's funny she said that lovers are replaceable but great friends aren't. and she told me no you're not replaceable, and i do miss you. we told each other we can talk for hours but it doesn't change the fact that i'm in chicago, she's in dc. such is life. i know that if i really was gun ho, i would get my old job back in baltimore, and move to dc and suprise the hell out of her. but it's not the best job for me, i promised myself that i wouldn't sacrifice my public good for my private good, unitl the private good is more secure. because honestly, i know this may sound cold, but i believe the better job that you have, i'm not talking about just money, but a job that is more in tune with what you want and who you are, the better people that you'll meet. everything usually falls into place if you have a gig that you like.

 

basically i'm not going to call her again. she has to contact me at this point. of course it would help if i moved to dc and surprised her. but at this point, i don't have a lucrative public offering that would make it worthwhile to do.

 

this is a roundabout way of saying to be continued