Am I in denial of being bisexual? Does my wife know? Was I wrong by talking to others

[greenthumb95]

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense. It seems as though I can talk to everyone but her abotu this, and it has recently came back to bite me, as a couple of her siblings had people tell them I was questioning them in regard to how i came off sexual orientation wise. How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything? it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies. The following incident happened over a year ago. so i look at the craigslist casual encounters section..alot. never respond to any ads or anything..but i like looking at the couples looking for men section.i search bi couples alot. anyways, about 8 months ago..i left it up on the browser. she saw it. asked me about it that night, and was like why were you on that site? i freaked out immediately and told her it was a pop up, and that i didnt go there on purpose. shes like bull, i clicked back..and saw the pages you looked at. she then asked if i was curious about what type of people posted on there, thats what i told her i mean. she then flat out asks..you arent gay are you? i say no immediately and shes like, then its not a huge deal, just dont lie to me about it.[br>[br>Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy. They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend. The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time.

 

 

I honestly wish i knew exactly what my wife suspected/thought already..that way I think I could approach it better with her. If she does suspect something, then she is really good at hiding it because the times shes made jokes, i will ask her if she thinks i like men or something and immediately she says no.[br>[br>Another issue i am facing is i have talked to quite a few people. Her couple good friends know, which got to her sisters. The sisters said they wouldnt say anything and didnt want to get involved..but part of me wonders if someone will before i get a chance to talk to her. [br>[br>Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more of an accurate read on her suspicions before I fully tell her?

 

We have kind of talked about it, my wife and i. But it was over electronic means of communication.

 

I am finding out who my true friends are with all of this, as a few of my guy friends wont even talk to me anymore. Was I wrong by talking to so many female friends?

 

The wife and I have discussed it somewhat, over IM and such while I was at work. She basically told me that unless I would ever leave her for a guy, why make a big deal about it, or discuss it? Advice pleasE!

 

My wife and I have an OK sex life. It doesnt happen very often, and is often quite boring when it does. However, there are times when we both drink that its quite exciting..

[CarrieT]

Has any part of this story changed than when you posted it months ago?

[greenthumb95]

Yes, it has. More people have heard through the grapevine about it..ive lost a few good friends..male friends. A guy in my wedding who we are close with him and his wife..he refuses to respond to texts, calls and deleted me off of fb. Have talked with the wife but over text, etc.

[Gunny376]

If you follow through I would be willing to bet next month's miltary retirement check that you will find that fanstasy SELDOM if EVER matches up to reality.

[Balzac]

Buy your wife a strap on and spice things up. Try including her in your fantasy and see how you feel.

[Mittens]

My advice/opinion hasn't changed from my post on your identical thread just below...

 

This is no different to asking your wife if you can cheat on her with another woman. If you were having these 'urges' you should have resolved them before getting married. If you want to stay married, you have to accept that it is too late now.

 

Stop getting advice from unqualified friends (and the internet!) and see a psycho-sexual counsellor. I'd also have a real talk with your wife - which means being brave and doing it face to face, not hiding behind 'electronic media'

[Mittens]

Buy your wife a strap on and spice things up. Try including her in your fantasy and see how you feel.

 

My FI is bisexual and I've told him that there is no way in hell I would ever do that. It's not something that he's ever expressed a desire for anyway, but when he's with me, he's with a woman, and I'm not pretending to be a man for anyone.

 

Greenthumb's wife may feel the same way...