Scared for LDR gf ..

[Sasu]

Hello .. I am tensed .LDR Gf is out to another state to attend a wedding of her ex husband family relative two days back.She is not legally divorced yet due to financial problems,but separated from him for one year with no contact from her.Her ex husband on other side tried to put down reputation of her,abused her family & such .

 

She can't even stand a second of him as he made her life total mess before.She is gone there to get her remaining stuff back with her mom and brother but still I am worried . She was supposed to return today and its already night .I can't call her as her family & ex family is there.She asked me to please not to ,she will instead .Im just getting bad thoughts as her ex husband is there & he hate her as well.Her family is there to protect in case of drama,Still ..can't get my head straight.

 

I know not much of the issue...still

Edited November 27, 2012 by Sasu

[Sasu]

Its friday today ..She was supposed to return on tuesday.I tried to call her in morning today but its coming switched off .Her online accounts are offline as well since a week.Something might have happened to her T_T .God please let her be safe & return her back .I am badly scared at this moment ..

[justwhoiam]

Relax. She might have extended the trip to the weekend. You need to wait at least until Sunday. By then she should be back to her routine, because she'll have to go to work on Monday, right?

 

She should have texted you at least a couple of words to let you know she's alright. But I guess maybe she has people around all the time, and she doesn't want to give away that she's in love with someone else.

 

I'm sure she's having a hard time away from you.

[Sasu]

Thank you for kind words.Its comforting

 

She should have texted you at least a couple of words to let you know she's alright. But I guess maybe she has people around all the time, and she doesn't want to give away that she's in love with someone else

 

True..She can't at the moment and won't take any risks.

 

Its just,its been long now and she was already tensed up going back to that place again.She would be being pressured by her own family for reconcilation im sure currently.She won't give in I know,just hoping she won't do anything stupid in frustration.And also

Last time she was there ,a year ago.She was abused by her ex man and was admitted in hospital.During that she couldn't contact me..

 

Getting bad thoughts..

All I can do now is pray for her safety and wait for her to be back soon.Its just the thought of spending my life without her without knowing what happened is scaring me .

[FitChick]

Look for an online newspaper or TV news show and see if there are any stories that could be about her.

[PepperPotts]

Look for an online newspaper or TV news show and see if there are any stories that could be about her.

 

Not a bad idea.

 

I generally would discourage worrying about your significant other while they're away (it'll drive you crazy, and if you constantly need to check in with them that's kind of controlling and lacks any obvious trust).

 

However, you seem to have a legitimate reason to worry about her physical safety. She's gone back into an environment where she'll be around someone who's put her in the hospital before. That's not safe, and it is understandable that you are concerned.

 

I agree that you should wait to be overly concerned until the weekend is over. My hesitation here is that I find it strange she's had no time at all in the last few days to let you know she's ok. She has to know you're worried, and she should be missing you. Even if she had to do it while she was in the bathroom, she could text and say "I'm stuck here longer, but I'm ok, don't worry-- I'll call you when I'm home."

 

Try to calm down and relax for now. Check the local newspaper for any stories. Once you've done that, wait it out. If you don't hear from her by next Tuesday evening, it may be time to try to contact her. Her family doesn't have to know she's dating you. You're a friend concerned because she was supposed to be home a week ago and is not. She's asked you not to contact her and you should respect that, but once a week has gone by without hearing from her, I think it's time to break the rule.

[Sasu]

I tried to call yesterday morning & today as well..its still coming switched off . I checked news just in case but nothing ,that was bit relief.Worse of all I don't have any means of contacting her besides her online accs and her own number.Sometimes it drives me crazy thinking of worse possible situation.that her family may have abandoned her there and she is forced to live there now without her ph & pc .Her dad will save her in that case soon as he loves her more than anyone.But she is on vacation from job and she had college exams this week and she's missing them now.Still I will keep waiting for her.I want her to be safe..she will surely reach out to me soon then.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Sasu

[Sasu]

weekend is over today..still nothing .I can understand that she may have to stay there for wedding rituals and stuff . Her phone may have gotten discharged .My heart says shes okay .Still i am worried as its been long ,she would be sad there and missing me same.Dunno what to do ..i just hope she is alive & will return soon .

[FitChick]

Missing work and exams is a bit worrying. You could call her at work pretending you don't know anything just to find out if she ever came back. Is it possible that she has a different phone that you don't know about?

[pteromom]

Assuming she's ok, I think it is cruel of her that she leaves you worrying for this long. How much effort does it take to send a quick text "Still here." "Miss U". Whatever.

[justwhoiam]

You could call her at work pretending you don't know anything just to find out if she ever came back.

This is a good idea.

[Sasu]

She is actually a teacher at primary school.She is only earner currently in her own family and her school is in different state than mine so I never asked about the school name.She told me that she is on leave from school for 1-2 weeks for her exams.She was studying hard for them and wanted to clear them to get a better job..

 

Also she doesn't have any other number\phone with her.She does have landline on her own home..but I never asked the number as never felt any need .Her few close by friends know it probably so they may get to know and might be of some help.Although she told me that she will very soon get rid of her current number and get new one as her ex hubby abused her in past on it.She doesn't want any more of that and want to avoid any drama at time she will file for divorce legally.

 

I am scared .I know if she was okay & everything,she would have informed me something by now.She repeatedly told me not to contact her while shes there before going and she will call herself..so i know she absolutely can't give any hints abt me there.But one text wouldn't have hurted ..I just feel I will lose her..its been long than due date.

 

It can be she is sick badly,like last year when she was out of contact .Or If shes okay and forced to live with that family for sometime\idk how long for wedding rituals or some other reason..its must be going like hell for her and she would be worried for me as well and asking for her family memebers to take her back.She can't live without her PC alteast anywhere ^^"

 

There is just too much possible,not knowing any other method of contacts and not knowing her situation along with fear of losing her forever is messing me up .Her voice and talks of last time keeps going in my head..like what IF it was last talk we had.Her worries of going back there,her requesting me about contact along with showing how much she loves me on that last call..Its just

 

It feels stupid\dramatic to say,but I hope she is alive.If she is..I have no fear of losing her and i will wait as long as possible.

Edited December 4, 2012 by Sasu

[justwhoiam]

Well, if you are in a real relationship and she is your girlfriend, you should have all her contacts, even for emergencies, who knows, like home landline & work phone #. This sounds more like a virtual relationship. And soon or later it shows. Did you ever meet her?

[TMichaels]

I am scared .I know if she was okay & everything,she would have informed me something by now. She repeatedly told me not to contact her while shes there before going and she will call herself..so i know she absolutely can't give any hints abt me there.But one text wouldn't have hurted ..I just feel I will lose her..its been long than due date.

 

It can be she is sick badly,like last year when she was out of contact .Or If shes okay and forced to live with that family for sometime\idk how long for wedding rituals or some other reason..its must be going like hell for her and she would be worried for me as well and asking for her family memebers to take her back.She can't live without her PC alteast anywhere ^^"

 

There is just too much possible,not knowing any other method of contacts and not knowing her situation along with fear of losing her forever is messing me up .Her voice and talks of last time keeps going in my head..like what IF it was last talk we had.Her worries of going back there,her requesting me about contact along with showing how much she loves me on that last call..Its just

 

It feels stupid\dramatic to say,but I hope she is alive.If she is..I have no fear of losing her and i will wait as long as possible.

 

Though it's commendable you care so much for your g/f Sasu and are concerned for her safety, I think you need to quit assuming the worst and making excuses for her behavior.

 

While I understand why she might not want to be bothered by phone calls or texts during such a (supposed) stressful family time, I do find it a bit odd she *insisted* ahead of time that you not contact her, she's had her phone switched off, and even though her trip has gone on longer than expected, you've heard not one word from her.

 

I also find it odd that if taking her exams to get her MSc was so important to her she would plan to take two weeks off from work to study and take them, that she'd blow them off.

 

Being head over heels in love with her, you naturally have assumed given what *she's told you* about family difficulties, including an abusive husband (notice, I didn't say EX-husband as she is not divorced from him, YET), the only explanation is that something dire has happened.

 

To be completely honest with you Sasu, I think you need to also consider the possibility that *nothing catastrophic* has happened to her at all.

 

Despite your last lovely-dovey conversation just before she left, in past posts you've mentioned she has some personality disorders, she's disappeared before, has cheated on you, and the two of you have broken up not just once but at least five times.

 

I think it's time you need to reassess the wisdom of continuing to carrying a torch for this woman. She nine years your senior, sucked you into the drama of her life's story (whether it's fact or fiction), and treated you appallingly.

 

You've responded (repeatedly) by excusing her indiscretions, blaming yourself for past problems in your relationship because of your (perceived) immaturity, and have made it clear no matter how badly she treats you, you'll be waiting at the curb for her like a faithful family pet.

 

Sasu, don't get me wrong, I hope your g/f has encountered no harm, but I am very concerned about *you.*

 

Whatever happened to this woman, you need to stand up for yourself and come to the realization that *your needs* are equally important in any relationship. Making excuses for someone who's been treating you badly and without respect is not showing how much you love them -- it demonstrates just how little you think of yourself and what little self-worth you believe you have. *That* is not an attractive quality -- but it is one that will result in you constantly giving more to another in a relationship than you ever get in return.

 

Instead of spending so much time being concerned for her welfare, I really wish you would spend the time examining why it is you don't feel worthy of what amounts to common courtesy and respect and then do something to change that.

 

In the long run, solving that riddle will ensure your happiness much more than wasting any more time on a woman who takes you for granted and treats you like her eternal, virtual doormat.

 

IOW Sasu, it's time to man-up and move on.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Sasu]

Its not a virtual relation.Its just in country where I live in..its not easy to make any relation come in open,let alone relation with a agewise senior and married people [i am only continuing it as she is seperated ,never loved her husband and have no intention of going back or I wouldn't come between a couple].That's why I avoided getting more methods of contacts from her and she did same .

She did tried to meet me couple of times in person for past months,but she dun got money.I know her financial situation.As for me I couldn't meet as I dun got any excuse to say to my family where Im heading off to :\

 

I appreciate T michaels for following up with my other posts.I know what you typed is possible best advice of my current situation.

 

But She & I both were aware..how messed up things have gotten between us in past.Despite that when times were good it was really great.Finally afer 2 years of relation,last month I got successful getting rid of her online addiction and her messed up friends,which i believe the core of all drama.She took decision herself & changed completely .She was focussed on her life\studies to get more independent ,take care of her family this time & was very loving to me.She was going on good side..

 

Now I really can't take any decision unless & until I talk with her again and clear things up.I am starting to have doubts as well now for whole story,as her exams were really important to her.She can't miss them like this.If she is,then either something happened or it was just excuse to take vacation from school\job and go 'there' for some reasons (I highly doubt).We dunno what it is..and i wouldn't know unless I can talk to her again .

 

I know I shouldn't think much about it for now and focus on my life..I am trying.But still not a day passes by when I doesn't shed tears sitting alone by myself thinking about her..I know,so damaged ^^" ,But again I also got alot on bright side.Good friends,Good family,possible good carrier as Doctor and no problems with girls..Its just not in my nature to leave or hurt anyone,not just her unless\until they say it to me.

Breaks with her never really felt like breakups,As we both knew it will pass away.She cheated just online..even then she wasn't doing any stuff with anyone (cyber on cam ,stuffs etc).It could be alot worse ..But she was dedicated and told me like..shes just and always be mine..

 

She is a great girl..My first love & I shared great times with her despite of all drama happened in past due to both of our faults.I also am sure that if there is anyone she loves in her life,It would be me.So I just have to wait...I wanna hear her again .Her closest friends also won't be able to reach her atm I feel..So its just not me alone ( her landline is usually dead)

 

But one thing for sure..If she return and there was no good enough reason she went missing like this.I won't take it easy this time..and if needed will end things myself.I just wanna know situation from her as of now..

Edited December 5, 2012 by Sasu

[FitChick]

Have you ever met?

[justwhoiam]

Have you ever met?

I guess not.

 

Here's what he wrote:

She did tried to meet me couple of times in person for past months,but she dun got money.I know her financial situation.As for me I couldn't meet as I dun got any excuse to say to my family where Im heading off to :\

I really don't get the last part where he says he has no excuse to to tell his family... really? Do you need an excuse?

[Sasu]

Um what would I tell my family ? I can't say like I am going to meet some friend in another state by myself ,when I have never been out of my state before or shown any attachment like this to any friend.

 

Considering present circumstances .If i knew her address..I would surely go there and if needed lay everything out to my family.But I just know state and district she live in,nothing else ..

The situation is hopeless,I have hit breaking point today after dreaming of her in morning.Since then I am getting continuous bad thoughts that she isn't anymore ..I really don't know..my mind is getting messed up .I pray for her safety ,I cry at times to let it out..still it isn't helping.I know stuff like that doesn't suit a man but I am mentally exhausted currently.

 

One time i get hope that shes okay and will return soon..maybe she extended her trip to her aunt and giving her exams from there ,at other times I feel there is no way she'll dissappear like this with no contact for so long.Something must have happened and I can't know anything..feeling so weak and helpless ..

 

Um although one of her skype buddy may know her address as he delivered some cosmetics to her from his country..but then again I dunno his account name.

Her another close friend of 10 years lives somewhere nearby to me who visits her state and family frequently,again I just know his name ,no address or anything .Nowdays i realise how big mistakes I carried out by not gathering enough information ..

I really don't know what to do anymore ..

Edited December 6, 2012 by Sasu

[terlislee]

Is is she on FB? You can message some of her RL friends there.

[Sasu]

Is is she on FB? You can message some of her RL friends there.

 

She does have a account but she left fb more than a year ago and was there for very short period of time.Her acc is there and some messages from her friends too on her wall.But none of real life friends .Found one but again she left fb a year ago too .

She herself used to tell me every minute detail of her life..friends she talk to,when they called etc..they were very few.

 

Another idea which had potential ...

Edited December 6, 2012 by Sasu

[terlislee]

Have you guys video Skyped or just chatted? Do you know her full name? Seen any photos of her in RL? Do you know what college she goes to?

 

I read some of your older threads and the whole virtual world relationship seems weird. All her other friends you are talking about - it's the same online thing isn't it? Even if everything she tells you is true that woman has lots of issues, she manipulates you etc. This is not real love, you're young, clever and have a whole life ahead of you, don't waste it on an unfulfilling relationship like this.

 

It is of course possible something might have happened to her, but with so little information about her you might never find out. Try contacting the other people who know her on-line, maybe someone will know more. Any chance you might google any of her relatives, info about the wedding, her email/phone etc.? What country are you from?

 

My guess is she might have switched the phone off for whatever reason, to concentrate on her exams, to make you worried... Don't dwell on it, move on and live your life, otherwise you will destroy yourself thingking about what have happened not having any means to find out the truth.

[Sasu]

Have you guys video Skyped or just chatted? Do you know her full name? Seen any photos of her in RL? Do you know what college she goes to?

 

Yes we did skype video chat couple of times.I Know her real full name,have also seen many photos of her,we mailed to each other and yes i know which college she went to when she did her Bsc .So its really not virtual relation..It started off as a one and stayed like it for a year but it got on a different level later on .The transisition was hectic I agree ..seen by my previous posts .But we managed ..things were going great.

 

Now I am googling for countless hours about her and her close friends.I got nothing so far.Seems like they weren't really much into internet\social thingies .I was one of her closest long distance friend\lover .So no chance anyone else would be knowing anything extra.The ones who could have known ,I dun got much info to find them .

 

Also she said she won't be able to talk when she would be there .She will call herself so asked me to please wait for her.I was okay as it was just matter of 2 days..but its weeks now.

As me said she isn't online on any accounts (which is rare ..as she can never live without her social friends,manga,animes ) so she isn't at her home currently.Other things are her important exams..If it wasn't for it.I would be able to believe my theory [ That she got badly sick like many times OR She is staying over there under peer pressure,and won't contact me until its over as she can't lie to me but also know I will freak out knowing it ]

 

I am really trying not to dwell on this.But she is in my thoughts,I see her in my dreams...So even if i try,I can't move on.

Every morning I wake up.I realise back my current situation and feel how helpless it is,worst time of life :\ .Have to keep thinking positive.

Edited December 6, 2012 by Sasu

[terlislee]

Ok I'm sorry for being paranoid. I know it must be incredibly hard carrying on without knowing anything, but it's out of your hands. Try not to think of the worst, it might be possible she is still there, is sick, needed a break from everything... I'm sure her family wouldn't let her husband abuse her again, even if the situation seems bad. Focus on yourself now and let it be, I think you will hear from her again in a few weeks, people disappear on their partners all the time, it just sucks in your case since you have no way to confirm she's okay. Most likely she is though. Also how do you know she missed the exams and never got back home, just didn't log into her accounts to concentrate on revising? Anyway, if you know her name and the uni she goes to now I think it might be possible to check in some time if she still studies there, at least in my country the student lists are public, but I'm not sure how that works in yours and it's a bit stalkery to be honest. You haven't met in RL, you don't know where exactly she lives, I know you fell for her, but she has a family and RL friends to take care of her, accept she's not communicating now for whatever reason and as you said, try to stay positive and move on with your life.

Edited December 6, 2012 by terlislee

[Sasu]

I know she isn't at home as shes not only offline,but have her phone switched off since that day.Otherwise She is type who always takes out some time for her,me ..no matter how busy she is.

I shouldn't be thinking negative as she went there with her family.I dunno what happened there but even if shes there alone for now,she will return back soon as she was separated for 2 years & have no intention of getting back together with her husband.Even her dad hates other family so hope it will be okay.On worst thought..she can't be (forgive me) no more..She is very strong mentally and won't give in to anything ^^..If she is okay,she will find one way or another to make things normal again.

I just have to believe in her and her family for now & stay positive.Easier to say but that's all I can do..Thank you ~

[justwhoiam]

Um what would I tell my family ? I can't say like I am going to meet some friend in another state by myself ,when I have never been out of my state before or shown any attachment like this to any friend. Considering present circumstances .If i knew her address..I would surely go there and if needed lay everything out to my family.But I just know state and district she live in,nothing else ..

The problem here is not telling your parents, it's you don't even know where she lives. You don't know where she works. You know nothing about her. Just things she told you. A virtual relationship. Sasu, you're just a virtual buddy. And having not heard from her since the day she left and knowing she had to be back... I guess she found a perfect pretext to take a break from you, whether final or temporary.

 

Nowdays i realise how big mistakes I carried out by not gathering enough information ..

Ironic, isn't it? You were not treating her like a real girlfriend, and she was not treating you like a real boyfriend. If you had met her in real life, it would have been a given: you would have known where to take her home, where she works, etc.