Scared for LDR gf ..

[Sasu]

When a person says she have real feelings for you.Says that She sees her life with you.Even goes as far to make commitments to marry you,have ya kids ( was bit strange at first but cute and real later on) .Someone who claims to dream of you and her living together with yours family..and her being happy that they accepted her.The one with whom you can talk about just everything.The person who claims all her right on you ,calls you even around 2 am in night to see if you're okay,lovey dovey talks and wish you good night.

 

Does that still sound like a virtual relation ? I really guess not..

In back of my head ,when i think the only reasons I didn't shared\asked much of information & stuff was simply of 2 reasons

 

1 ) Things were already going great.I feared if I insisted on those details.I may come out as bit weird to her.The only things which mattered was feelings we had for us and I didn't felt any need for more info as I never imagined for situation as current to come.

 

2 ) She was making continuous plans for coming in my state.To meet me an see new home of her close friend of 10 years.The problem was money for travel & her weak health state.That's all why we couldn't meet so far.I wasn't going to visit her state for anytime soon so I never felt any need to ask her address ( although she did told me once when i remember now months back..But ,I didn't wrote it down anywhere and dun got any chat log of that time either as its been long.. I know **** me :\ )

 

Knowing her for 2 years I am sure as hell she isn't at home currently.She is somewhere else as shes offline & her phone is switched off.But I am not able to digest this idea because of her job & exams..How she can miss them..She is good with hiding things sometimes but she doesn't lie ever.

 

I know I can handle the situation later on if she was taking break as you mentioned.What kind of relationship we have right now doesn't really matter anymore.I just want her to be safe and hear from her again..I want her to be okay.

Edited December 8, 2012 by Sasu

[justwhoiam]

Yes. It's virtual. V-I-R-T-U-A-L. With a lot of potential. So if/when she's back, I hope you'll take it to the next level, making it real.

[Carenth]

I'm truly sorry for the situation you are in however looking over these posts and some of your previous posts. I feel that this relationship could be built on a web of lies.

 

I have seen people like your girlfriend in other online communities who build themselves up as something they are not, usually end up in a relationship with someone and build on what were small lies to begin with, snowball into bigger and bigger lies.

 

Then when it comes time to meet in real life or make some sort of connection too the real world. One "convenient" excuse after another appears when ever you try to close that gap. If you have known her for two years and you don't have any real tangible information about her in real life then that is some serious alarm bells ringing for me.

 

When these people get cornered and feel that the web of lies is about to be unraveled they usually make some sort of dramatic exit and leave without saying anything really. Usually to return in some other community under a different persona.

 

Now I certainly hope I'm wrong but from the sounds of it my gut feeling saiz this is the case. Because from what you have written some stuff seriously doesn't add up with your girlfriends behavior. Even if I am wrong and she does come back honestly you have to ask yourself don't you deserve someone who treats you better than this?

 

I'm still of the opinion that she just wanted to escape the web of lies she created.

 

Just too put it into context my girlfriend and I knew everything about each other within the first couple of months of knowing each other. We knew each other addresses, each others phone numbers, we knew where we worked, where we studied, we sent each other gifts in the mail and hand written letters. I find it highly strange that you don't even know the most basic of information about your girlfriend. I agree with justwhoiam that at this point it is just a virtual relationship... it's nice and all too make those sort of commitments and whatever too each other but it's not really real until you have met each other righ? that sort of sets alarm bells off for me as well.

 

My partner and I were very hesitant too say we were in a relationship or even partners before we had met in person, because we had no idea how we would get along once we met.

Edited December 8, 2012 by Carenth

[Sasu]

I understand.I have seen people like that as well..living for thrill of having a new relationship and when things starts to get boring at a point,they snap back in reality & leaves the whole community completely or delete the so called " EX" to start over with a new relation..to live that starting fun again .I've came across such people and your reply have pretty much nailed a situation I've dealt with her...

 

But it wasn't like that.I was with her for 2 years .She reads me like a book so she showed no doubts how we'll get along in real.This maybe out of context but the problems with her I've had so far..was only because ..I SAW HER SLOWLY CHANGING LIKE THAT.On start of our relation..She was committed,loving and just a simple minded girl.But ever since she came across the group of people mentioned above and befriended them.I saw the signs of her behavior and stuff.She was changing slowly over months..and finally reached at point where she was making online bf even when she had me.I saw the changes ..

 

After getting angry\overreacting\all cried out on her.I wondered why a girl should be with a weakling like me anyway,I took resolve to be stronger and more like a man.I accepted her behavior & confronted her starting off with gentle approach because i know her feelings for me were real.She kept telling that she wanted me in real life and claimed other things to be just online.Still,The idea was stupid and it depended on me to let it carry on or not.I started off by telling her pros & cons of that online dating\swapping.I wrote her mails ( like a dad xD ) to describe the situation she will be dragged in because of her friends..It didn't worked ..

So I had to take on hard measures and gently bow out of her life.At that point she was forced to pick bw me or her online dating.After a month of back & forth..She picked me herself,feeling sorry for everything and left the online world to a great extent ( She cried to me on phone and that was first time in 2 years I heard her crying ._. ,otherwise she is very strong mentally ). She was happy we are still together .

 

She was back to way she was .Even few days before leaving she had big fight over something with her closest friends ( as i said core of problems) & finally deleted all that group of one year who taught her to have fun with online dating..She said that she have realized the nature of her friends.She was thankful to me,more realistic ,studious and again very loving.I was successful that after my around 6 month of effort,I prevented her from going down that road .I was glad that things be okay again ..

 

She said she'll be back in 2 days and said me to please not call her & she will call herself.Her main reason to go was to get her remaining stuff from her husband's place.She was going over there after 2 years.Her mom already know about me ( as a special friend ) & she herself have told her cousins about me as well before ( as a guy she like ).So have I..

 

To sum it up.It was a internet relation at first.She was serious I wasn't.She was the one always eager to marry me \meet me\do stuffs :3 .I was a plain dumb guy and didn't knew how to react to all that real talk xD.Instead I tell her number of times that shes a great girl & should find someone in real.I am just a teenager with no job and would be of no use to her at moment.It would take time for me to be a doc.But she claimed to not care,she just wants to be loved and Im first guy to love her this way.So I carried on and wanted her with me as well in real.Although along the way she changed,she got bored,other people came in between,but we managed somehow.I don't know how exactly..but we did.

It was going great again until she disappeared like this ..

 

We've had a kinda dramatic story and we both have invested much time & effort into this.So current ending kinda doesn't suit the story.If shes alive,she will return for sure..I'll keep having hope .

 

Sorry for long reply .I really dunno much of relations..so yea it could be virtual as we didn't knew much of basic info.Its just I never felt any need..and she got to know all she needed from my fb account.Gotta keep waiting unless I get to know the reality been cooking over there ^^.Yes I am suspicious as well ..Still gotta keep faith .If it meant to be,it will be .

Edited December 8, 2012 by Sasu

[Carenth]

Mate my honest advice is cut your losses. I can tell you are hurting greatly at the moment, let me tell you a person who loves and cares about you doesn't treat you this way.

 

I know you have invested a lot of time and energy into this person however, this relationship is toxic and quite frankly not in line with reality. Judge a person by their actions and not their words. She saiz all this lovely stuff about your future together, how much she cares, how much she loves you, how she wants to have your children (once again massive red flags for someone you have never met) coming to visit (but makes excuses why she can't).

 

Then leaves you in a situation where you don't even know if shes alive or not. A person who cares and loves you wouldn't do that. You may not think it is important to know anything about her in real life but that just shows how little you actually know about each other. It's a fantasy, escapism, a lie.

 

I know that's not what you want too hear but I'm being brutally honest, you deserve better you are still young. You will find someone who actually cares and loves you, this person does not.

 

Good luck.

[Sasu]

Mate my honest advice is cut your losses. I can tell you are hurting greatly at the moment, let me tell you a person who loves and cares about you doesn't treat you this way

 

I know ..yet I am not good on giving up on people unless they want me to.Same goes for her..And as long as that little thing to make it work is there from both sides..things can always get better.That's my belief ,as a proof relation was getting back up again .

 

She saiz all this lovely stuff about your future together, how much she cares, how much she loves you, how she wants to have your children (once again massive red flags for someone you have never met) coming to visit (but makes excuses why she can't)

 

I won't defend her but the reason she was getting serious at marriage and having kids was because she couldn't think straight and didn't wanted to lose me as well at bad times of our relation.Even I doesn't think she was serious ( noone can be in a LDR if u never met .I do strangely but nvm :\) .But she is a girl whose real life ex abandoned her and became a saint.She was devastated,soon after she was forced to get married under peer pressure. Marriage didn't even started to be good for her.**** happened and she left the house two years ago..that's when she got me.Someone who could love & understand her ..

 

As for meeting me in real.Last time she was in my state 4 years back for shopping.Honestly I am not eager to meet up and won't mind if it stays as LDR for bit long ( as strange as it sounds.We are both satisfied currently and believe we have future together anyway,so no hurries).She knows this feeling of mine well.Yet she herself keeps making plans to meet me up which ultimately backfires most of time due to lack of money.I know her current financial conditions already and know how bad it is.I have no doubts on this.

 

Then leaves you in a situation where you don't even know if shes alive or not. A person who cares and loves you wouldn't do that.I know that's not what you want too hear but I'm being brutally honest, you deserve better you are still young. You will find someone who actually cares and loves you, this person does not.

Good luck.

 

I know..that's why my whole conundrum of why its happening like this.It isn't me alone,but her real life friends ( settled in different states now) too who would be missing her.Something serious really must have happened.We can minus the relationship part in context and think of its like a friend caring for another friend.( That way it doesn't get into virtual,real thing) .

 

Can't reach to any conclusion yet,although Im aware that this 'lying in wait' thing will keep making me sad and sooner or later I will have to move on.Still I dun have any choice..I have to be strong and wait some more .