She said she wants space, but keeps texting me?

[Freezingcold]

I have a girlfriend of 11 months who I spent a lot of time with. Everyday pretty much, we texted non stop and I grew madly in love with her. Things were fine, we had our fights but I still loved her and she loved me. She is going through a lot right now, but it's not something that warrants us to split up. But she told me she doesn't want to string me along because she doesn't know whether or not she still has feelings for her ex boyfriend from a little over a year ago. He was abusive, controlling and nasty to her and she says that she's afraid she has feelings for him that are greater than she thinks. She said that it was best that she broke up with me so she didn't string me along, she told me she loves me and she can't do this without me and that she still cares a lot and all this other stuff. I love her madly, I want to be with her so bad but she keeps saying she needs her space but she needs me. She goes back and forth and doesn't know what she wants. I personally think she's confused and doesn't know whether or not she still has feelings for her ex, I don't know if she really knows what she wants out of life. She's in that transition phase of whether or not to do this or that, whether to like him or me. I really have no clue. She told me that she wants her space and we wouldn't talk for a while but she still wants me in her life. Then she text and called me like crazy last night telling me she loved me, misses me, needs me and we won't be apart for long and that maybe this is just a pitstop and we will get back together soon. I don't know what to believe anymore. I love her, my heart is ripping for her and she was my soulmate I believed. She was the perfect fit, then all of the sudden this.... She keeps texting and calling that she loves me and that she wants me and all this stuff but says we cannot be together because she needs space to figure things out. I know she probably wants to get back together with her ex who treated her like ****. What do I do when she calls and texts, it's so hard to just let it go and I want another chance with her because I do love her. A lot. I'm lost any insight would be good. She doesn't hate me and she says she loves me, misses me, cannot do this without me and wants me in her life and doesn't want me to go 100% away. Will she come back if I just ignore her? I want a chance, but is ignoring her the right move, will that make her miss me and us?

 

Also, this is a little off beat. Her and I lost our virginities to eachother, is that something special she will carry with her forever; I know I will.............. but, I don't know anymore if that's important since times have changed. Who knows.....

 

 

I just don't know what to do.... She keeps giving me signs that she is confused and wants space but also wants me and that she really does love and miss me but she doesn't know what she wants anymore. She wants to see if she loves her old boyfriend still and if she does she might try it with him again.

 

This blows, what do I do?

 

I mean she broke up with me just a few days ago and Christmas, our one year anniversary are only a few weeks away why now? This sucks.

[Treasa]

She's using you. She wants her ex back as he excites her, but you provide the stability and fall-back part. Are you really ok with that?

 

My ex keeps telling me he loves and misses me, too, but he hasn't made any actual attempts to change, and I refuse to be a placeholder girlfriend.

 

Don't you deserve better? I personally don't believe there's such a thing as a soulmate, and the guy who popped my cherry almost never ever comes up in my thoughts. Who cares if he was my first? He wasn't my last and certainly wasn't the best.

 

Place importance on her actions, not on what she's saying to keep you strung along.

[Balzac]

"He was abusive, controlling and nasty to her and she says that she's afraid she has feelings for him that are greater than she thinks."

 

My recommendation to you is end it. Do some reading on girls who engage in abusive relationships. Ponder why you are willing to be on hold despite her telling you she needs to end it.

 

"She said that it was best that she broke up with me so she didn't string me along...."

Edited November 27, 2012 by Balzac

[Eddie Edirol]

Tell her next time she texts you that she cannot contact you until she wants to be in a relationship again. She is flip flopping because her ex keeps lowing her off, and then she calls you for attention after he lets her down. But as long as he does this, and she has you as a fall back, you will forever be in this limbo. Thats why you have to cut her off, it will force her to make a decision.

 

But heres the bigger issue, she was with you for 11 months while she wasnt over her ex. That means she was never really in love with you. She was probably thinking of him the whole time. She probably started dating you hoping you would make her forget about him and it didnt work. Hence why she is asking for space. Dont be her second choice because you are still hung up on her, dont let her use you for her therapy for him. Let her go through it alone, thats what she needs. And you need a new girlfriend, that didnt just get dumped by her ex and is still thinking of him.

 

If your ex isnt over her ex now, and she doesnt want to be, then she wont be anytime soon, and your relationship probably wont ever be in the way you wan it to. So cut her off, and heal for yourself. She might come around, but if youre going to give her another chance, you have to know she isnt pining for her ex, and actually wants to give you 100% of her. Dont count on it though. Theres things that guy does for her that you cant do.