Author crazykat73 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Share Posted November 27, 2012 More info - he says he has come the conclusion that maybe he can't love me the way I need him to love me (true). AND he has said in the past, all he wants is passion (translation - good physical relationship), etc. but I would argue with him that he can't expect that if he's carrying on the way he does and not wanting couple time....I was always asking for one on one time w/him and instead, he's off to happy hours on the way home from work on a Friday night instead of putting me first and going out to a nice dinner. Instead he goes to happy hour, then calls me from the bar and invites me to the bar with him and his co-workers or friends he's met up with. I did this for years, but it got old. I finally realized, he just doesn't need the couples stimulation I need. I always longed for more intimacy/connection and all he kept giving me was surface stuff. He loved me and was good to me, but it's the little things....for instance, I never got more than a I love you in a card - never a nice love letter...even after 12 years of being together. No romantic dinner reservations..no surprises.....I threw him a surprise 30th and 40th birthday....I just felt like I put so much into it and got a good loving man, but surface loving and a guy who didn't feel like he had to put a lot into the marriage - its as if he was on auto pilot. I felt alone/empty, thus the reason why my heart distanced from him. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 and the person you are with knows all this c**p ? well i guess so...as you have said you love him? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) Yes, I have thoughts that he is or could be an alcoholic. He is dry during the week, more of a weekend binge drinker. Just drinks all night if he goes somewhere, but turns it off when working, etc. He thinks he has that under control. And also thinks and admits he hasn't wanted to come home at times. We had a cycle we couldn't get out of - the more he drank, the more I wasn't as affectionate, the more I distanced, the more he drank. errrr your husband or the guy you are with now? sorry ex husband Edited November 27, 2012 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
shallow Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 I don't see why y'all are still together. You have been living apart for two years and you each have a boyfriend/girlfriend? The marriage is over. The next step is divorce. If you are still friends, I'm sure this friendship will be carried out after the divorce. I know it's hard to leave someone with whom you have so much history. I am in the middle of figuring this out right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazykat73 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Share Posted December 6, 2012 Thursday morning vent - Thanks for all the replies everyone. I fell in love with the person, his brain, just the entire package. The physical attraction came later and fizzled as the years went on - mainly due to him staying out too late enjoying his beverages a little too much. That started to bleed into normal life - he got up very late on weekends, spent mornings alone. Often, I would have run 19 miles or something, had breakfast all before he woke up, then he'd be off to work out, then play golf. Our only time together was at night going out with friends or dinner. I had to talk him into going on bike rides, walks....he didn't like it but did it for me. It always felt forced though. I really wanted to learn how to play golf so I could spend more "play time" with him, but he didnt' have a desire to help me or teach me. He got frustrated and so we left it as his thing. He also refused to try my recreational activities which I think would have gained him a ton of "healthy" minded friends and a better body, but instead, he stuck to golf, tennis and things I couldn't do (terrible tennis player, golfer)....and he continued hanging around with his nice friends, but big boozers too. Ugh...I just hated hanging around with a bunch of heavy drinkers every weekend. Nice group of people, but it was all about drinking for hours and playing cards after we all went out to dinner...I used to stress out knowing I'd have to peel him away all the time and look like a party pooper......you see, we just became this couple who were on different pages. It's sad because I love him so much and the person he is outside of this stuff. I feel like if he got in with a good group of friends like I did, we would have been closer. If I left my boyfriend and went back to him, I'd have to give up my amazing friends an community I've built the last 2 years and have to be friends with the boozer crowd again. There is no other choice - we live in a small town, so I have felt trapped like I can't go back, but I am scared of the future even though I'm happy and feel like I'm with someone who's more compatible...but I am deeply sad to let the love of my husband go. Ok, I just vented! Phewww that felt good for a THursday morning. Link to post Share on other sites
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