Do Men Want Relationships?

[pbjbear]

I think the whole "biologically wired" argument is a poor excuse for crappy behaviour on the part of men. Nonetheless, I agree that men behave this way in general. I think it's more cultural and related to cultural norms and expectations (and things such as the availability of porn and the fact that it's now become more acceptable for people to have one night stands, etc.), more than biology.

 

 

There are a ton of scientific studies done on it so Im not sure its a poor excuse. It is a selfish excuse because one can overcome biological tendencies. After all, women are biologically wired to prefer a guy with alot of income but you see that going away with more women working...however men are not held to the same standard.

 

Its a sad reality but it is the truth. I no longer take any guy seriously that I date and I will admit this realization has made me detached from romantic relationships but I am not unhappy due to it.

 

I wish I could make women around me that are sweet and loyal and think they can snag a guy who will be happy with them forever and after as long as they are a good attentive wife wake up and smell the roses.

[pbjbear]

I have seen good looking men with some not-so-good looking women, but it's probably not quite as common as the opposite. Still I think people skew these things to fit their own agenda or perception when it's probably not as pronounced as they think. (note: Before anyone accuses me of stuff again, it is my opinion that it's probably not a conscious decision) Even the studies & research cannot agree .

 

I 100% agree with you. I can think of 2 examples of good looking men with average looking women but a ton of the reverse example (and no, none of the men were rich and famous)

 

Actually there are lots of studies that have found this to be true. Did you know men place looks in the top 3 traits for a marriage partner? Women...top 10. This is an average, but the average male is much more concerned with looks than women. I find it funny when men tell me women are just as bad as them with beauty standards...maybe some but a much smaller % than men that do that

[verhrzn]

So we're back to "all men want to be players" again

 

 

Perhaps it's "all men WANT to be players."

 

Could you articulate why a man would not want to be a player, given the option? Is it perhaps because he has the Best and thus doesn't feel he could trade up?

[Woggle]

You people need to meet some better quality men. You sound just as bad as the guys who complain that all women want bad boys and jerks.

[NoMoreJerks]

But why is the fundamental question? Are guys only in the relationship for sex? If they could gain easy access for sex from other places, would relationships/marriage be as prevalent?

Well, first off, why pay for something that you can get for free? Prostitutes in the West are not exactly cheap, and there is a higher risk of STDs with them than with a stable partner you have sex with. I think it's because it's too much effort to court women all the time (or to filter out those that want more than a one night stand). So as soon as men find a fairly ok-looking woman who satisfies their needs, they will stick with her until such time as someone else comes along.

[pbjbear]

 

In other words, is being in a relationship for companionship their NATURAL desire as much as it is for women, or do they only get in relationships for convenient, regular sex?

 

Is sex the main driving force, or do they value companionship and being loved and being committed to one person as much as women do?

 

Sadly, I think the answer is that it's mainly about sex, and if that was freely available, most men would not bother with relationships at all.[/QUOTE]

 

This is the truth.

 

The thing is people are too scared to let this sink in- men and women...men wont admit it because they know theyre selfish jerks. Sex is the main thing guys care about and any guy who says otherwise is one who cannot easily get sex.

 

Out of all the men I know that can easily get sex, none have chosen to settle with one woman. There may be exceptions but it is very very rare.

 

I truly dont think men are capable of real love, love that bonds a guy to a girl for a long period of time when tons of other options are available.

 

I am preparing myself for comments calling me a man hater and saying I must have been dumped hard to think this...truth is Im like the OP and just used my brain alot.

[ThaWholigan]

Perhaps it's "all men WANT to be players."

 

Could you articulate why a man would not want to be a player, given the option? Is it perhaps because he has the Best and thus doesn't feel he could trade up?

The best is subjective. My best is not going to be the same as another man.

 

I'm not a player and I don't want to be one. I'm sure I'm not the only man who doesn't either. It doesn't interest me.

[Weezy1973]

But why is the fundamental question? Are guys only in the relationship for sex? If they could gain easy access for sex from other places, would relationships/marriage be as prevalent? Is the surplus of men in Asia REALLY a problem because there will not be enough mates, or is that an overblown conclusion born from the idea that men need relationships/mates?

 

Most men want relationships and the majority of men are in relationships. Very few men would prefer to play the field their whole lives. There is no real social stigma for men to remain bachelors (although there certainly is one for women who stay single).

 

I suspect the surplus of men in Asia will be a problem for a few men, but not the majority, and it certainly won't cause wars or huge outbreaks of violence.

 

I think the vast majority of couple are about equal in attractiveness. In marriages, there might be a bias towards the women being more physically attractive and for casual sex or one night stands there might be a bias towards the man being more physically attractive.

 

However, if you ask men that are single, and have been single for a long time (again this would be a minority of men), you will get a larger percentage that say they are not interested in marriage or a LTR. For some of them, there desire to stay single, but I suspect a lot of them say they don't want to be in a relationship because either they've been burned by past relationships or their self-worth is low and as an ego defense mechanism they (try to) reject the idea of being in a relationship. Generally neither of those groups of men are very happy.

 

Finally, men SHOULD want to be married. Married men report themselves as being happier, they live longer, they're less prone to depression, and far less likely to commit suicide. And they have more sex.

[Revolver]

So we're back to "all men want to be players" again

 

 

Of course Not all men want to players:laugh:. However there's a large amount that if given the opportunity would be players. You can disagree if you like.Think of it like this, you'd agree that if you asked most guys if they wanted to play pro sports for a living and make 100 million dollars they would do it right? Of course. But obviously that's not realistic, not every man has the capability of being Derek Jeter.

 

Most men if they meet the right woman would gladly settle down but that's only if they meet the right one for him though. Until then I like many will continue to keep my options open

[xxoo]

Look around... Every Job I've had I've been in the minority that I was one of the few single ones. The trend continues as I'm one of the few single ones at my new job. Most people are in R's or married. Whatever the percentage is it's higher than the single ones.

 

This is just truth. Most people marry--some people marry over and over and over again. There is no shortage of men looking for relationships.

 

Studies show that marriage is beneficial for men, more so than for women. Women tend to have more supportive and intimate friendships (confiding in friends, sharing feelings, etc). Men are less likely to benefit from that kind of support outside of a romantic relationship. After a divorce, or death of a spouse, men are more likely to remarry than women.

 

All these men are certainly not marrying great beauties.

[xxoo]

Perhaps it's "all men WANT to be players."

 

Could you articulate why a man would not want to be a player, given the option? Is it perhaps because he has the Best and thus doesn't feel he could trade up?

 

Yep, that's pretty much it. The woman he loves is the woman he wants to be with--talk to every day, sleep next to every night, maybe be the mother of his children, be the woman in the rocking chair next to him in his old age. It isn't about being the prettiest, or the smartest.....just about being his best friend.

[pbjbear]

Most men want relationships and the majority of men are in relationships. Very few men would prefer to play the field their whole lives. There is no real social stigma for men to remain bachelors (although there certainly is one for women who stay single).

QUOTE]

 

This is naiive thinking. Most men do not have the option to play the field and many with the options to do so might settle down at the last second when they get tired of it..and do so with a younger woman. Most men do not have options- thats why they get into LTRS and get married.

 

NegativeNancy is not negative in my opinion when she said 99% of men would live a player lifestyle in a heartbeat even if they have a girlfriend theyre happy with. She is realistic.

 

I would love to live in a world where this isnt true, but it is what it is.

[Woggle]

When I was single I certainly had no issue at all having an active sex life but I still would not trade what I have now for the the world.

[verhrzn]

Yep, that's pretty much it. The woman he loves is the woman he wants to be with--talk to every day, sleep next to every night, maybe be the mother of his children, be the woman in the rocking chair next to him in his old age. It isn't about being the prettiest, or the smartest.....just about being his best friend.

 

Once again this "love" issue. So yet again it comes down to a guy will either play (if he has the option), or only be in a relationship with the Best.

 

And BS about "prettiest" and "smartest." Men in this thread have already confirmed they want the best they can get. Best friend. *Shakes head* I really do wonder if attractive women would survive a day in the body of an ugly woman. Their idealistic worldviews certainly wouldn't...

[pbjbear]

When I was single I certainly had no issue at all having an active sex life but I still would not trade what I have now for the the world.

 

Reading this makes me want to comb your hair, feed you grapes and tell you you are wonderful.

 

Men like you are RARE. But dont get pissy at women that have figured out few men are like you. The majority of average joes with wives they make such statements about that are suddenly presented with options do take advantage of them.

[Weezy1973]

Most men want relationships and the majority of men are in relationships. Very few men would prefer to play the field their whole lives. There is no real social stigma for men to remain bachelors (although there certainly is one for women who stay single).

QUOTE]

 

This is naiive thinking. Most men do not have the option to play the field and many with the options to do so might settle down at the last second when they get tired of it..and do so with a younger woman. Most men do not have options- thats why they get into LTRS and get married.

 

NegativeNancy is not negative in my opinion when she said 99% of men would live a player lifestyle in a heartbeat even if they have a girlfriend theyre happy with. She is realistic.

 

I would love to live in a world where this isnt true, but it is what it is.

 

I've seen no evidence of this either in real life or in surveys. Unless men are secretly lying in anonymous survey. You do live in world where it isn't true. Again the vast majority of men are in LTRs or married or want to be in a LTR or get married. Or get married again.

[pbjbear]

 

And BS about "prettiest" and "smartest." Men in this thread have already confirmed they want the best they can get. Best friend. *Shakes head* I really do wonder if attractive women would survive a day in the body of an ugly woman. Their idealistic worldviews certainly wouldn't...

 

Hey V. I agree with you 100%. You are not bitter. You are realistic. Thing is, guys wont admit they are like this and guys that havent had these opportunities probably think they would resist in the situation if given options (but we know most of them wouldnt). I would just let it go...trying to tell men about this stuff is usually pointless.

[verhrzn]

Sidenote V: I know I get on your case, a lot of us here on LS do. It's the same when I get on the likes of Necramancer and other who constantly berate the opposite sex unjustly. In the end its attitude. I'm sure all of us have people who can be considered ugly/fat in relationships, so we can't use that an excuse. What I think differs in you, is that you SEEM bitter. That attitude or lack of sweetness will not help you at all, when in all actuality it should be your strong suit, considering. I know it's hard to get back up time after time and think positive and not be bitter, but by not doing it, you're putting yourself in a lonely prison. Men will stick their wieners in anything, that's clear. A lot of men ( I like to think my self as well) are sweet and aren't in it just for sex. I never had trouble getting sex, whether is be sweet-talking, working for it, or straight up paying for it. But I need a sweet woman, not bitter. I wouldn't tolerate it for a minute longer after I noticed it, and neither will a lot of men. You need to play the hand you have, not berate everyone elses, or prejudge everyone with a penis. Life just doesn't work that way, and that's why you're having such a hard time... I think.

 

And we can all tell you this a million times, but if you will not heed it, you'll wake up tomorrow and every day after in the exact same position.

 

This attitude is disgusting. Essentially what you're saying is that I should be abused and put down, over and over again, and come back smiling sweetly and saying "Please sir, may I have another?"

 

Why should I smile sweetly for men who call me fat? Why should I be without prejudice towards guys who drool over hot women in tight yoga pants? Why should I be overjoyed when a guy who can't get what he actually wants settles for me? How does ANY of that lead to happiness?

 

I may be bitter, but at least I haven't lost my self-respect. Being sweet towards guys who would screw me for an ego boost, who would put me down one second and then demand I not fight back.... how is that EVER going to help me?

[pbjbear]

 

I've seen no evidence of this either in real life or in surveys. Unless men are secretly lying in anonymous survey. You do live in world where it isn't true. Again the vast majority of men are in LTRs or married or want to be in a LTR or get married. Or get married again.

 

Do most men in real life have options to be a player? You keep ignoring this part of the argument. The vast majority of men youre describing do not have options to regularly bang other hot chicks. Prostitutes, sure.

[Woggle]

Reading this makes me want to comb your hair, feed you grapes and tell you you are wonderful.

 

Men like you are RARE. But dont get pissy at women that have figured out few men are like you. The majority of average joes with wives they make such statements about that are suddenly presented with options do take advantage of them.

 

Men like me are not as rare as you think plus neither gender is any better than the other. I have known plenty of good men who were devoted to their women only to be betrayed, cheated on and have their heart smashed. It happened to me in my first marriage.

 

Until recently I though the same way about women that you feel about men but recent events have made me take a long hard look at myself and I would suggest you do as well. Men are people just like you and look at them that way and you should do much better.

[Negative Nancy]

I truly dont think men are capable of real love, love that bonds a guy to a girl for a long period of time when tons of other options are available.

 

I believe a few men on here, such as Woggle. But for 99% of men, sadly the above is true.

 

NegativeNancy is not negative in my opinion when she said 99% of men would live a player lifestyle in a heartbeat even if they have a girlfriend theyre happy with. She is realistic.

 

I would love to live in a world where this isnt true, but it is what it is.

 

I wish I wouldn't have to be, but real life has proven my "negative" statements to be true.

[ThaWholigan]

Well come on now, use common sense, who is going to aim low?! I don't know a single woman either who is going to accept a man below what they can get, unless its for an even shallower reason than sex. That's human nature to aim-high and do the best, get the best you can. I think the best anyone can do is to aim equivalently.

Adding to that that the "prettiest and smartest" girl to one man may not be the "prettiest and smartest" to the other. Honestly, it's tiring to be told not just in real life but online that you are only attracted to one type of girl, as if your own ideas of attraction are false .

[verhrzn]

Adding to that that the "prettiest and smartest" girl to one man may not be the "prettiest and smartest" to the other. Honestly, it's tiring to be told not just in real life but online that you are only attracted to one type of girl, as if your own ideas of attraction are false .

 

Yeah, which is why when guys create threads and post pictures of the celebrities they like, all of the pictures are so diverse.

 

... Except they're not.

 

And how every single guy here talks about how he loves "curves." If men are so diverse in their attitudes towards women's looks, why do I have yet to see a guy say "nope, gimme small boobs, a flat ass, and a huge stomach, that's what I like on my woman!"

[pbjbear]

You hear about in Hollywood all these famous actresses/models/singers letting their husbands screw around and say its in their nature.

 

You know why? In places like Hollywood, famous men or rich men or insanely good looking men (all men with options) screw around all the time. I know several people who grew up in my town and moved there for the industry...good luck finding a guy with those characteristics who is loyal to their wife for a long period of time.

 

Hollywood has women that act this way because they are surrounded by men with options and see the behavior that results. Alot of these men were average before they got rich or famous and would prob say they would never act like that. But they do. These women that have open marriages are not crazy- they are smart.

 

Where I differ among them is I just will never bother getting married...

[xxoo]

Well come on now, use common sense, who is going to aim low?! I don't know a single woman either who is going to accept a man below what they can get, unless its for an even shallower reason than sex. That's human nature to aim-high and do the best, get the best you can. I think the best anyone can do is to aim equivalently.

 

But what is "high" and what is "low"?

 

A couple posts ago, you spoke about the importance of sweetness in a woman. I agree wholeheartedly.

 

If a man meets a woman who is attractive to him (but not immediately gorgeous to him), and they date, and they become inseparable, and she is the sweetest woman he's ever known, and he wants to spend every minute with her, and the sex is off the charts great....what is "higher" than that? A prettier woman? Really?