Do Men Want Relationships?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I also only date men but I love looking at lesbian porn. Women are so hot and beautiful and lesbian porn is so much less "aggressive".

 

Doesn't make me a lesbian, it's just what I fantasize about.

 

What makes anyone a lesbian? Only women who actually fall in love with other women? So other women that are attracted to other women aren't lesbians just through the attraction? It's a very complex question.

 

You are allowed to identify yourself anyway you want. You are not a lesbian because that is how you identify yourself. But I don't think the lack of romantic love for another woman doesn't mean a woman can't be a lesbian.

 

This also presents another side I have often thought about. Why some women are more eager to check out other women then men when they are straight, heterosexual women. Yes women are beautiful, but then, aren't men attractive too? Why don't some heterosexual women lust after men if they lust over other women? At least visually.

 

Women are often very sexualized in media that both men and women can over objectify them as sexual objects. This happens from very young ages. To me, it's strange that a straight woman would be more interested in seeing other women then men. It's not that I don't understand finding other women beautiful. I don't understand being more eager to see other women naked then men if you are hetersexual though. Aren't heterosexual women suppose to be attracted to men? Even visually?

 

While I agree that women can be very beautiful, there seems to be an over sexual objectification of womanhood to the extent that even other women will sexualize women in medium forms It's an interesting conumdrum if you ask me. Is other heterosexual's woman attraction to seeing other women nature or nuture? Is it more easy to sexually objectify other women even as women because that's what women grow up with since the day they are born?

 

I am not defining you either way. I am just throwing out some ideas that are pretty interesting.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I also only date men but I love looking at lesbian porn. Women are so hot and beautiful and lesbian porn is so much less "aggressive".

 

Doesn't make me a lesbian, it's just what I fantasize about.

 

Oh and Dresussgrrl, even if *you* personaly fantasize about other women, this doesn't address my points. I understand why you said it.Since you fantasize about other women then you think it makes my points mote because you are a heterosexual woman doing the same thing. Regardless of what you do, it doesn't address my points specific to men and the issues women face specific to men. Naturally, most men are going to find a woman thinking of other woman less threatening, even hot vs his woman being obsessed with other men.

[Drseussgrrl]

I can't explain why. Of course I like seeing men, too. I just find lesbian porn more relate-able because it's like I can imagine what both women are feeling. I guess? I have no idea.

 

I would never date a woman and I don't even think I'd go through with sleeping with one either.

 

But it all boils down to fantasy. And why men shouldn't be demonized for having them about other females. It just is what it is - and doesn't mean anything more than that. Most everyone fantasizes about something and I'm betting most of the time it doesn't make sense, much like a foot fetish. Frankly I find feet disgusting.

 

But I'll say this again - don't always assume that men are fantasizing because they want "better". They just want DIFFERENT, if even only in their minds.

[ThaWholigan]

Oh and Dresussgrrl, even if *you* personaly fantasize about other women, this doesn't address my points. I understand why you said it.Since you fantasize about other women then you think it makes my points mote because you are a heterosexual woman doing the same thing. Regardless of what you do, it doesn't address my points specific to men and the issues women face specific to men. Naturally, most men are going to find a woman thinking of other woman less threatening, even hot vs his woman being obsessed with other men.

Not really.

 

Women fantasize about men that aren't their BFs. That is something that is quite common and I am comfortable with it. Just because somebody has fantasies doesn't mean they indulge in them or obsess about them - like you think they do. There is a difference.

 

Sometimes the things women fantasize about when verbalized are far more out there than anything a man can think of

[Imported]

 

 

And yet, I haven't seen any medium that depicts such a fantasy for men. Again, why is that? If men actually fantasize about such things, then where is the material that actually reflects that?

 

 

What kinda material are you imagining that there should be to prove what you want???????????????????

[Treasa]

Again, ditto what she said, except that I could see myself fooling around with a girl if I ever had the chance.

 

I fantasize about both men and women, but admittedly 95% of my unconscious dreams are about women. However, all of my romantic dreams are about men. I think they're both sexy.

 

I don't tend to label myself. I just know that I'm fun to be around and I'm very affectionate with people I care about. *shrug*

[SJC2008]

But why is the fundamental question? Are guys only in the relationship for sex? If they could gain easy access for sex from other places, would relationships/marriage be as prevalent? Is the surplus of men in Asia REALLY a problem because there will not be enough mates, or is that an overblown conclusion born from the idea that men need relationships/mates?

 

It's a hard question to answer. It really depends on the man and his emotions/needs and what's important to him. Personally I want a girlfriend because I want a female companion. I'd rather have an afectionate woman who's mediocre in the sack than a non affectionate woman who screws like a porn star. So you can say an emotional connection is on the top of the list for me. But like I said it depends on the man and what he wants.

[EasyHeart]

I love looking at lesbian porn.

Who doesn't?!?

 

But I'll say this again - don't always assume that men are fantasizing because they want "better". They just want DIFFERENT, if even only in their minds.

This. This so much.

[xxoo]

I never heard any man say his libido was " burden". Neither have I ever heard any man say that anything regarding his libido was inappropiate. Never, in my entire LS time or time on the internets have I ever heard men say either of these two statements.

 

But yes, lets give sympathy to men at the same time while men fantasize about all other women other then their actual partners. That's totally fair. So lets see, men get more understanding for their libidos and more justifications for them as well. Again you prove to me how much women get the crap end of the stick. Thanks for making my point for me XXOO.

 

You've never heard any man here say his libido is a burden? I've seen perpetually single guys post threads asking for advice on meds to reduce their sex drive. I've seen married men on the marriage forum (in low sex marriages) asking for the same.

 

 

It isn't "all other women other than their actual partners". That's not what I'm talking about at all. His partner can be the center of his sexual universe without being the only stimulation, is what I'm saying. A guy with a high libido might have 100 sexual thoughts about his wife a day, and also 25 sexual thoughts about 25 separate women (only a brief thought about each). Those numbers should probably be much higher, in similar proportion.

 

 

And yet, I haven't seen any medium that depicts such a fantasy for men. Again, why is that? If men actually fantasize about such things, then where is the material that actually reflects that?

 

Cold Mountain, Cinderella Man, Braveheart.....these kinds of movies allow men to explore the fantasy of having one great love, and going to the ends of the earth to protect her.

[xxoo]

Not really.

 

Women fantasize about men that aren't their BFs. That is something that is quite common and I am comfortable with it. Just because somebody has fantasies doesn't mean they indulge in them or obsess about them - like you think they do. There is a difference.

 

Sometimes the things women fantasize about when verbalized are far more out there than anything a man can think of

 

Thanking my lucky stars that my husband feels the same way you do!

 

My H thinks it is super if I'm fantasizing, no matter what about, because it means I'm going to be revved up for him

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I can't explain why. Of course I like seeing men, too. I just find lesbian porn more relate-able because it's like I can imagine what both women are feeling. I guess? I have no idea.

 

I would never date a woman and I don't even think I'd go through with sleeping with one either.

 

I think this is a very complex issue. And there is a lot we could discuss on this alone. But I do think both men and women more easily sexualize women is because that's what society more easily does to women.

 

I'd like to also point out something interesting to me. How quick you were to say you weren't a lesbian. Maybe the women in the lesbian porn aren't even lesbians. Maybe they are. What exactly is a lesbian anyway? Are Lesbians women that can fall in love with other women or are they just women that like having sex with other women or what? the women in porn being called "lesbian" porn are just having sex right? But you have judged your attraction to women and not your desire to fall in love with women as what makes you not a lesbian.

 

But it all boils down to fantasy. And why men shouldn't be demonized for having them about other females. It just is what it is - and doesn't mean anything more than that. Most everyone fantasizes about something and I'm betting most of the time it doesn't make sense, much like a foot fetish. Frankly I find feet disgusting.

 

But I'll say this again - don't always assume that men are fantasizing because they want "better". They just want DIFFERENT, if even only in their minds.

 

I don't really think that either sex should be demonized. But I don't think talking about issues we confront automatically means we are demonizing each other either. I don't think it's great that men have all these outlets and fantasies of other women. That doesn't mean I am saying men are evil and that doesn't make me silly for believing that either.

 

You fantasize about other women. If you and your partner are okay with this, great. Life is good for you. But for a lot of women, their man fantasizing about all kinds of other women is a problem. It's not for you to say that that's rubbish or silly or that it shouldn't be a problem for them just because you fantasize about other women. Also it's not fair to say that they are simply demonizing men. Anymore then it would be okay for me to tell you that you are silly or right or wrong for fantasizing about other women. It all comes down to our personal feelings about these things. You fantasizing about other women doesn't change my opinion or points on men fantasizing about other women.

 

I am not saying men are evil or horrible people for fantasizing. I am being honest about the problem it creates for me personally. And for a lot of women too!

 

I also don't find much comfort in your distinction between "better" or "different". Either way, there is not much sense in a woman trying if at the end of the day, all a man really wants is something different anyway. That seems like a big stab in the back actually.

[xxoo]

I also don't find much comfort in your distinction between "better" or "different". Either way, there is not much sense in a woman trying if at the end of the day, all a man really wants is something different anyway. That seems like a big stab in the back actually.

 

I don't understand the assumption that he doesn't want his woman most of all.

[ThaWholigan]

Moderation approves this summary:

 

 

This is basically asking whether men want relationships or do they actually want to be players and screw loads of 9s and 10s. The comments have been broad - some guys have agreed they want to be players, others like myself have explained we want relationships. V basically says we only want hot women who happen to be smart, to which most people deduced she was making it personal again, she got angry, thread got closed temporarily, some continued that all men want to be players and sex hot women, and now we're talking about men's fantasies during relationships (DY again )

Edited November 29, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator