Do Men Want Relationships?

[ThaWholigan]

If a guy cannot be a player he will settle for the best he can get.

 

Men are not capable of true love.

 

Relationships are a waste of time. I feel sorry for girls that waste so much of themselves on men. I am not even bitter in the slightest

Men are not capable of true love?

 

:lmao: And you're not bitter . A cup of cerasie is sweeter than you, love.

[ThaWholigan]

How about you explain how you force someone in a relationship.

Yes, I'd like to know too, there's a few girls I think I could forcefully place into monogamy for my liking .

[SmileFace]

She didnt force him. But men get into relationships for regular sex. Not saying they dont enjoy the companionship but the regular sex is the motivating factor. Men without options tend to do this more since it is the only way for them to get consistent sex

She said force...how about she explain. Since if I can tell a guy is just with me since he can't do better - I wouldn't be with him. I rather be single and happy than wasting my time with guy who is looking for next best thing.

 

I am starting to doubt she has ever actually had a relationship. However she can explain.

[Revolver]

How do you force a guy to be with you? If she said he's only with me because he can't do better/just wants regular sex i could see that argument but not "force"

[SmileFace]

Yes, I'd like to know too, there's a few girls I think I could forcefully place into monogamy for my liking .

I mean if this is possible... I am getting into some old fashion - reversed feminist real age polygamy, lol.

[verhrzn]

She said force...how about she explain. Since if I can tell a guy is just with me since he can't do better - I wouldn't be with him. I rather be single and happy than wasting my time with guy who is looking for next best thing.

 

I am starting to doubt she has ever actually had a relationship. However she can explain.

 

Unfortunately, I don't notice until AFTER, because when I'm dating someone, I swallow the LoveShack BS kool-aid that men love personality, that men value all shapes and sizes and looks aren't as important.

 

I say "force" as in I don't demand anything from the guys. They publicly refer to me as their girlfriend, but I don't force them to pay for dates, or insist they come over to my house, or buy me presents, or compliment me, or really do anything that demonstrates a relationship. In exchange for calling me a girlfriend, I treat them as a boyfriend (cleaning their apartments, taking care of them when they're sick, spending hours on the phone listening to them complain about their jobs) without demanding anything back.

 

I see that as "forcing," because it means I never press the issue of what they actually think of me. Heck, I told the last ex if he wanted he could have an open relationship. He turned it down.... and then cheated on me and dumped me to sleep around.

 

If any person, a bum or the president, a model or a disfigured burn vicitim who is obese, I can hold an intelligent conversation and not be rude. We look like everyone. Will I go home with you, probably not, but I certainly wouldn't start name calling. Even if you called names first. Most I'll call a person is stupid, and then ignore them. wise-one has spoken, smart ars.

 

So you'll just insult them in your head, and thus they'll never know they're ugly and will continue hitting on people above their league. This is helpful, how?

 

Also, that doesn't address how I would even recognize these guys without speaking to them first. You say approach "real" men... what the heck does that even mean?

[Lonely Ronin]

If any person, a bum or the president, a model or a disfigured burn vicitim who is obese, I can hold an intelligent conversation and not be rude. We look like everyone. Will I go home with you, probably not, but I certainly wouldn't start name calling. Even if you called names first. Most I'll call a person is stupid, and then ignore them. wise-one has spoken, smart ars.

 

I agree this 100%.

[pbjbear]

Now that's where I disagree. I think your taking this a little to far

 

Sorry if I offended the men.

 

However, we have established very few men will not take advantage of options even if they have a great wife or girlfriend. True love is not a man taking advantage of options. If you think thats true love, well then that reinforces that men are incapable of comprehending true love in the first place. I am not saying men care about nothing but sex- some do but many still want support and companionship. However, sex is at the TOP of the list and thats one of the reasons why men are only as faithful as their options.

 

If very men are capable of not taking advantage of options = incapable of true love.

 

Sorry- thats why I dont see relationships as being important. I could get into them for sex and companionship. I just dont see the point of investing myself in men when men are so inherently selfish. Women have their flaws too, but I am a woman who is not a lesbian...so Im only stating men. Women do not want to live a player lifestyle, or at least a much smaller % do

[SmileFace]

Unfortunately, I don't notice until AFTER, because when I'm dating someone, I swallow the LoveShack BS kool-aid that men love personality, that men value all shapes and sizes and looks aren't as important.

 

I say "force" as in I don't demand anything from the guys. They publicly refer to me as their girlfriend, but I don't force them to pay for dates, or insist they come over to my house, or buy me presents, or compliment me, or really do anything that demonstrates a relationship. In exchange for calling me a girlfriend, I treat them as a boyfriend (cleaning their apartments, taking care of them when they're sick, spending hours on the phone listening to them complain about their jobs) without demanding anything back.

 

I see that as "forcing," because it means I never press the issue of what they actually think of me. Heck, I told the last ex if he wanted he could have an open relationship. He turned it down.... and then cheated on me and dumped me to sleep around.

 

 

 

 

Don't you see a problem with that? I will leave you too if I ever fell in a relationship with you.

You are showing these guys and have showed about all the guys you have been with that you have no back bone. You don't respect yourself enough. You allow this ****. You have layed out your own path and now are dealing with your own bad choices. Don't you see why guys leave you in the manner they do? How about having some respect? You let this preconcieved notion build up for years.

 

All these years of lowering your self by choice has erased any shread of dignity you could have. You allowed youself to get to this point. People only treat you as you allow them. If you think you are nothing and not worth anything -- that is how people are going to treat you. And this proves true in all your relationships. You need to love yourself - as cliche as that sounds but you are beyond insecure and it is from your own beginning belief that you aren't worth much to guys. You need to start over completely.

[pbjbear]

whoops

 

meant

 

incapable of not taking advantage of options = not capable of true love

[SmileFace]

Don't you see a problem with that? I will leave you too if I ever fell in a relationship with you.

You are showing these guys and have showed about all the guys you have been with that you have no back bone. You don't respect yourself enough. You allow this ****. You have layed out your own path and now are dealing with your own bad choices. Don't you see why guys leave you in the manner they do? How about having some respect? You let this preconcieved notion build up for years.

 

All these years of lowering your self by choice has erased any shread of dignity you could have. You allowed youself to get to this point. People only treat you as you allow them. If you think you are nothing and not worth anything -- that is how people are going to treat you. And this proves true in all your relationships. You need to love yourself - as cliche as that sounds but you are beyond insecure and it is from your own beginning belief that you aren't worth much to guys. You need to start over completely.

 

You need to step away from guys for a while and figure out who V is. No I am not saying socialize more and meet new more guys but figure out how to make yourself happy. I know you are just going to turn this around and bash me for being cliche but oh well. I think you need to find yourself. You can't be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself.

[pbjbear]

Men are not capable of true love?

 

:lmao: And you're not bitter . A cup of cerasie is sweeter than you, love.

 

 

Dont worry ThaWholigan...very few people in my actual life know I feel this away. I have been described as a sweet, fun, smart girl in real life over and over. I know this doesnt go over well so hence I dont talk about it in my actual life with people. But this is the Internet, where I am free to state my opinions without consequence, and I dont think Ill be going on dates with any of you.

 

Not saying men arent useful. Some are nice to look at, I love meeting new people and making new friends...but not point in investing in a relationship where my partner will always be thinking in the back of their mind about hotter women, or taking advantage of options should he suddenly become rich/insanely hot/famous even when I am the best possible girlfriend I can be.

[Lonely Ronin]

Also, that doesn't address how I would even recognize these guys without speaking to them first. You say approach "real" men... what the heck does that even mean?

 

This is why some people say your like somedude, your people picker skills are well below par. It means learn how to determine what type of a person is by interacting with them.

[verhrzn]

Don't you see a problem with that? I will leave you too if I ever fell in a relationship with you.

You are showing these guys and have showed about all the guys you have been with that you have no back bone. You don't respect yourself enough. You allow this ****. You have layed out your own path and now are dealing with your own bad choices. Don't you see why guys leave you in the manner they do? How about having some respect? You let this preconcieved notion build up for years.

 

All these years of lowering your self by choice has erased any shread of dignity you could have. You allowed youself to get to this point. People only treat you as you allow them. If you think you are nothing and not worth anything -- that is how people are going to treat you. And this proves true in all your relationships. You need to love yourself - as cliche as that sounds but you are beyond insecure and it is from your own beginning belief that you aren't worth much to guys. You need to start over completely.

 

And if I'd left, and "refused to be treated this way," I would still be single. In fact, I'd be a virgin with absolutely no sexual or dating experience.

 

So how is that better? It sure seems like a lose-lose situation here... if I refuse to be in the relationship in the first place out of "self-respect," then I'm just never in a relationship. If I stay in the relationship anyway, then I get dumped.

 

Either way, I'm still alone and single.

 

And I set on this path because in my first few relationships, I tried demanding a few things... like, oh, not having wrestling tickle-fights on a couch with a girl who has a crush on you right in front of me.... and was told I was a drama queen/over-sensitive/too demanding.

 

So where the hell do you draw the line? Guys are constantly complaining about how girls have too high of standards, how they're all status-seeking sluts... so I try NOT to be that, and now I have no self-respect. There really is no winning for me, is there?

[verhrzn]

This is why some people say your like somedude, your people picker skills are well below par. It means learn how to determine what type of a person is by interacting with them.

 

How would adjusting my people picker help? I made this point in your PM... even if I picked different guys, it doesn't mean they'll be interested in me. The few "normal" guys I have been interested in had NO interest in me, even before I became bitter cause, ya know.... I was like a dude to them, due to my body shape.

 

So how would changing my people picker help? It just means I'd end up in even more unrequited romances where I have absolutely no hope of getting the guy.

[pbjbear]

And if I'd left, and "refused to be treated this way," I would still be single. In fact, I'd be a virgin with absolutely no sexual or dating experience.

 

So how is that better? It sure seems like a lose-lose situation here... if I refuse to be in the relationship in the first place out of "self-respect," then I'm just never in a relationship. If I stay in the relationship anyway, then I get dumped.

 

Either way, I'm still alone and single.

 

And I set on this path because in my first few relationships, I tried demanding a few things... like, oh, not having wrestling tickle-fights on a couch with a girl who has a crush on you right in front of me.... and was told I was a drama queen/over-sensitive/too demanding.

 

So where the hell do you draw the line? Guys are constantly complaining about how girls have too high of standards, how they're all status-seeking sluts... so I try NOT to be that, and now I have no self-respect. There really is no winning for me, is there?

 

V- dont date anymore. Seriously- its not worth it. You dont need to date to be happy. You will prob find youre happier when you can focus on friends, family, hobbies.

 

Dont date but...

1) use time to get serious about fitness. And it can be fun! Zumba, rock climbing, pick something you like.

2) get some unique hobbies. learn a new language, take cooking classes, volunteer to help sick children

3) focus on yourself. be SELFISH. stop giving yourself to these guys and give back to YOURSELF.

4) foster friendships with people who treat you with respect and make you HAPPY

 

You can do it I believe in you.

[Lonely Ronin]

So where the hell do you draw the line? Guys are constantly complaining about how girls have too high of standards, how they're all status-seeking sluts... so I try NOT to be that, and now I have no self-respect. There really is no winning for me, is there?

 

Honestly V your view of the world is entirely to polarized. You do get that there are many shades of grey between black and white right?

[Negative Nancy]

People only treat you as you allow them. If you think you are nothing and not worth anything -- that is how people are going to treat you.

 

That is not true at all and I hate this statement because it absolves people of personal responsibility. That is like saying the weaker older person in the subway deserved to get beaten up by 4 teenagers or the old lady deserved to be robbed because they allowed them to treat them like that. How about people should have some morals and not treat others bad in the first place, even if they are weak?

[SmileFace]

And if I'd left, and "refused to be treated this way," I would still be single. In fact, I'd be a virgin with absolutely no sexual or dating experience.

 

So how is that better? It sure seems like a lose-lose situation here... if I refuse to be in the relationship in the first place out of "self-respect," then I'm just never in a relationship. If I stay in the relationship anyway, then I get dumped.

 

Either way, I'm still alone and single.

 

And I set on this path because in my first few relationships, I tried demanding a few things... like, oh, not having wrestling tickle-fights on a couch with a girl who has a crush on you right in front of me.... and was told I was a drama queen/over-sensitive/too demanding.

 

So where the hell do you draw the line? Guys are constantly complaining about how girls have too high of standards, how they're all status-seeking sluts... so I try NOT to be that, and now I have no self-respect. There really is no winning for me, is there?

 

V... you started to date with low self esteem. Do you not see how that is a bad thing?

 

Crap I am single and never had a relationship so yes stay single. I am sorry it is way better than dealing with the **** you deal with.

 

I have came from having no self esteem and being over 300 pounds. Please you get people calling you ugly from cars - I got it to my face, I got discounted as nothing because of my size. **** I could have settled for a relationship then. Since yes you can "force" yourself into a relationship as you state but I knew I deserved better. I lost the weight and finally starting loving smile as a whole. I didn't let my self date when I will be in place where I have to settle.

 

It isn't about having high standards but finally figuring out I need to find a guy who likes me as a person and everything about me. Crap and I know that isn't easy and believe when I say I know what it is for guys to just want you for sex. However I will continue to date and wait for the right guy - life goes on and I have my own life. You are settling for **** and you can't complain about it. People can be ass hats but you don't need to allow it. However if you are anything like you say you are in your last response to me -- there is a reason guys leave you. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't love them self. You aren't acting like a girl friend so that get mad when they next you. Stop being a damn door mat.

[Negative Nancy]

not point in investing in a relationship where my partner will always be thinking in the back of their mind about hotter women, or taking advantage of options should he suddenly become rich/insanely hot/famous even when I am the best possible girlfriend I can be.

 

Yes, I feel the same way. What's the point in giving 100% and being loyal when men are not happy with that anyway.

[Woggle]

The majority of men I know would love to be able to find a woman that treats them like that.

[SmileFace]

That is not true at all and I hate this statement because it absolves people of personal responsibility. That is like saying the weaker older person in the subway deserved to get beaten up by 4 teenagers or the old lady deserved to be robbed because they allowed them to treat them like that. How about people should have some morals and not treat others bad in the first place, even if they are weak?

Are you missing something here? I didn't mean that physically. If you act like a doormat you are going to be treated as one. If you don't agree , shrugs. People having morals... I really don't see how you don't agree with this..lol

[Negative Nancy]

V- dont date anymore. Seriously- its not worth it. You dont need to date to be happy. You will prob find youre happier when you can focus on friends, family, hobbies.

 

Dont date but...

1) use time to get serious about fitness. And it can be fun! Zumba, rock climbing, pick something you like.

2) get some unique hobbies. learn a new language, take cooking classes, volunteer to help sick children

3) focus on yourself. be SELFISH. stop giving yourself to these guys and give back to YOURSELF.

4) foster friendships with people who treat you with respect and make you HAPPY

 

You can do it I believe in you.

 

Sorry but if you're a relationship person, at the end of the day none of that is ever going to be as satisfying as being in a good relationship.

[Lonely Ronin]

How would adjusting my people picker help? I made this point in your PM... even if I picked different guys, it doesn't mean they'll be interested in me. The few "normal" guys I have been interested in had NO interest in me, even before I became bitter cause, ya know.... I was like a dude to them, due to my body shape.

 

So how would changing my people picker help? It just means I'd end up in even more unrequited romances where I have absolutely no hope of getting the guy.

 

for you the best reason would be that when you learn to pick out who the decent human beings are, you wont get used. You will get turned down in a non abrasive, non mental scaring way. Secondly while you might not get a bf, you would at least gain some decent male friends. I think those to things alone would be of a great benefit to you.

[Negative Nancy]

Are you missing something here? I didn't mean that physically. If you act like a doormat you are going to be treated as one. If you don't agree , shrugs. People having morals... I really don't see how you don't agree with this..lol

 

No, even if you act like a doormat that still doesn't give people the right to take advantage of that. I would never treat someone below a certain standard just because they appear weak or like a "doormat". On the contrary, I treat the less fortunate even nicer and better because God knows they already have it hard enough and rarely get to hear some nice words.

 

But of course, someone like you would see them as a doormat and kick them when they're down.