I cheated; should I tell him?

[haleyyy]

I apologize in advance for the lengthy description. This is a very unique situation and I will try to condense.

 

I will not be offended if you wish to leave. However, I will be offended if you are rude.

 

 

I am 20 years old and live with my amazing boyfriend Jon in South Texas. We are extremely happy together. We get along wonderfully, hardly ever fight, share many of the same interests, and are very much in love. (Please do not discredit my knowledge on "what love is" because I am so young. I realize that I'm merely a child to most of the people who will read this post, but that does not mean that I don't understand my feelings or that I am not an adult.) However, we are no longer in a "honeymoon stage" of our relationship. We both seek time alone and with friends; we do not wish to spend every waking moment together anymore. I know that is normal, and that is not the issue.

 

I met Jon when I was 17 at work. We instantly clicked and became fast friends. I had a boyfriend at the time, Adam, who was 19, a high school drop out, worked a dead-end job, and lived with me in my parents house. He was VERY in love with me. I loved him as well, but not in the same way he loved me. I was unhappy in our relationship. Adam was very clingy; he never wanted me to leave or spend time away from him. He wasn't aggressive or anything like that, just clingy. If I was away, he would constantly text me, just to talk. I never had any room to breathe...

 

Anyways, to make a long story short, I began seeing Jon behind Adam's back. Jon and I's secret relationship went on for quite a long time. 8 months, I think. I know what you are thinking: I know that I'm awful and selfish. I know that what I did was wrong. I know that I should have just broken up with Adam. I can't change the past. I felt stuck in that relationship. I remember asking my mom one night what she would do if Adam and I broke up and she said, "I would let him live here anyway. He helps with the bills and he loves me like his own mom." I would hope you could understand how this made me feel. As I mentioned previously, I was unhappy with Adam and didn't want to be with him anymore. He was suffocating me and my only way out was to make him leave my house, but my own mom wasn't going to let that happen. If I did break up with him, I would have to live with him in MY house. It was a seriously messed up situation. What was so terrible what that I really did love Adam, just not the way he love me.

 

I spent as much time with Jon as I could and eventually fell deeply in love with him. About a month before I graduated high school, I told Adam that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I didn't tell him that I had been cheating on him with Jon. I told him we fought too often and I didn't think it would work long-term. He was devastated, obviously. I felt awful. I didn't want him to be upset. I cared about him and wanted him to be happy. I just couldn't be with him anymore, even if my mom wouldn't make him leave, which she didn't by the way.

 

Anyways, Jon was happy that I ended things with Adam, because he loved me. He understood why I didn't end things earlier and was supportive. He was happy to finally be able to have me as his own. He asked me to be his girlfriend THE DAY I broke up with Adam. I was still in shock and very vulnerable. My reply was, "Yes, Jon I will be your girlfriend, but I want you to ask me again. Later, when things have normalized and I'm not so sad about this whole thing anymore." He agreed and understood.

 

Maybe three weeks later, Jon left town to visit his mom in Texas with his brother and I was forced to sleep at home where Adam would inevitably be. He was no longer moping around and was instead trying to meet someone else. I was happy to a point, but the emotions were still very raw and I was surprised that he seemed so "over it." He said that he wasn't, but just trying to move on, as I had told him to do. Understandable.

 

I missed Jon tremendously. I was still upset about the whole thing, obviously and just wanted to be with him, away from my house, my mom, and Adam. I was very upset with my mom for letting him stay... Anyways, to shorten, Adam and I "hooked up" that week that Jon was away. We did not have sex, but other actions did occur. To be honest, I did nothing "for" or "to" him besides returning his kiss. I was appalled at myself and physically ill after every encounter. It happened, I think, three times. Every time afterward, I was so confused as to what was going on and what I was feeling. Did I miss Adam? Did I want to be with him? Was I acting out of vulnerability? Or was I just terrible? I loved Jon. I knew that. And that's why, in the end, I chose him. I knew that being with Adam would never, and could never be healthy. We just weren't right for one another.

 

My concern is this: I never told Jon about what happened that week he was away. He didn't ask me to be his girlfriend the second time until a couple of weeks later. Things had finally settled down and everyone seemed happy and content with the way things were going. I said yes and have never regretted my decision. We have been together ever since and now live 1,000 miles away from Adam and my family. I often think about whether or not to share all of this with Jon. I feel like he deserves to know but wonder if he would even want to... I know he would be devastated and hurt.

 

I can see the conversation going one of two ways. He would either leave me or he would be upset for a while but eventually move on. I just don't know. I try to think about what I would want if the situation were reversed and, honestly, I do not think I would want to know. I love Jon with everything I have and don't want to ruin that. I don't want to make excuses for myself, but I feel like that portion of our relationship was a "gray area." I KNOW that I will never cheat on Jon. Please don't say "once a cheater, always a cheater," because that is just not true. I know from personal experience that people can change. I've seen it and I've done it.

 

So, my question is whether or not I should tell Jon. I don't want to be that person who keeps pertinent information from the man I love. I don't want to have any secrets. I love him. We have had our ups and downs as any couple, and I have never once had the desire to be with someone else. Jon is my everything and I don't want to hurt him. If I tell him, I don't want him to think that our relationship has been "based on a lie," because it hasn't. I do love him. I know that I could never do anything to hurt him. It hurts me too much.

[Chi townD]

Well, first off...What I find disturbing is that your trying to dictate to posters of what they can say and what they can't say about your situation. Sorry, doesn't work that way, sweetie. Sometimes you need to get hit with a 2x4 to open your eyes and look outside the box and what's truely going on with this situation. Sometimes you just have to take the lumps. You're coming on a forum where a lot of people have been crushed by infidelity and your story may remind them of there own situation. So, people might be a little less tactful with their posts. But, what I've discovered that if your are truely remorseful for your actions people will help, "DAMN RIGHT YOU SCREWED UP!!!.........now.... here's how you fix it."

 

You didn't want anyone to say, "Once a cheater always a cheater". Well, guess what? You're a serial cheater and I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear that. You cheated on Adam with Jon and then Jon with Adam. That is not normal for any healthy relationship. You said that you would NEVER cheat on Jon. Ummm.....you did with Adam. The problem that Adam did to you is called the 180 And he didn't even realize that he was doing it. You had this preconcieved notion that Adam was going to be a basket case when you saw him next. That he couldn't even possibly function without you. But, you found out different. That he was active is his life and looking and possible dating prospects and just generally in good spirits. That may have caused and attraction that he was handling his business and carrying on like a man. That he actually had a spine and handling things in a mature manner and was probably pleasant to be around. Then....you let "stuff" happen.

 

So, should you tell Jon? Yes. The guilt is going to eat at your relationship. And you won't even realize it. He'll do something nice for you and you'll feel that you don't deserve it or him. There's always going to be a big elephant in the room and he won't know why. If you were okay with everything, you wouldn't even be on this forum. So, I know you're feeling guilt. So, in my opinion, you need to tell him.

 

Now here's the rub. You were in the drivers seat when you cheated. You made those choices. Jon didn't have a say in that matter. Once you tell him, Jon is in the drivers seat as far as where this relationship is going. YOU don't have a say in that matter. If he wants to end it. Then, there's really nothing you can do to change his mind. Actions have consquences and your going to have to live with those consquences. You could tell him that the thing with Adam was a mistake. And it very well might well have been. But, that's a mistake you have to live with because he doesn't. But, I will tell you this. It would be better coming from you than someone else. If he finds out from a third party, you probably don't have a prayer of saving this.

[road]

Well, first off...What I find disturbing is that your trying to dictate to posters of what they can say and what they can't say about your situation. Sorry, doesn't work that way, sweetie.

 

You didn't want anyone to say, "Once a cheater always a cheater". Well, guess what? You're a serial cheater and I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear that. You cheated on Adam with Jon and then Jon with Adam. That is not normal for any healthy relationship. You said that you would NEVER cheat on Jon. Ummm.....you did with Adam.

 

 

Yes you are nothing more then a serial cheater.

 

You need IC to learn how you can not be faithful and have healthy relationships.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect Jon to be honest with you? Do the right thing and tell him the truth.

[Imported]

Monkey branching.....I hate girls that do that. Try to get a new boyfriend before dumping the old one. It is beyond me how you could be with your old boyfriend for 8 months while ****ing around with another cock. I am sure when you monkey branch to the next guy, you'll have some rationalization that makes it sound all nice to you, but you're a cheater. Yes tell him.

[Trixis4kidz]

Do not under any circumstance tell him what you did. It's in the past, so leave it there. Get over it for yourself, and any guilty feelings that you have. Hopefully you've learned from the situation. We all make mistakes, and wish we could do something differently. So use this opportunity to grow and be a better person and what he doesn't know isn't going to hurt him.

 

Ignorance is bliss.

[road]

Do not under any circumstance tell him what you did. It's in the past, so leave it there. Get over it for yourself, and any guilty feelings that you have. Hopefully you've learned from the situation. We all make mistakes, and wish we could do something differently. So use this opportunity to grow and be a better person and what he doesn't know isn't going to hurt him.

 

Ignorance is bliss.

 

Until the cat slips out of the bag.

 

The only time two people can keep a secret is when one of them is dead.

 

So Trixis4kidz, it's now 10 years later the affair becomes known, their married, 2 kids. The BH now refuses to recover and wants a divorce. Kids are now victims of divorce.

 

Or the BH does not divorce but just limps along and their family now becomes a disfunctional famliy. The inocent kids get reared in an unhealthy environment now.

 

Every week on infidelity boards there is a new BH that just found out that 10, 15, 20 years ago that their WW cheated before they married.

 

Trixis, how bliss feeling are these BH's?

[Trixis4kidz]

Hahaha,

 

So in other words your argument is well, IT "could" slip out so just do it now and go through the headache and hurt feelings etc? Am I right?

 

Well in your case the person is going to be hurt whether it's now or then, so why not live the ignorance is bliss life for 10, 15, 20 years? And by that time if they still want to be upset over something that happened 10, 15, 20 years ago, it sounds like their problem.

 

OP, just keep your mouth shut and you'll be fine, now AND in the future. Very simple!

[salparadise]

For heaven's sake, do not tell Jon! I'm not sure how others rationalize advising you to confess, but the fact is that it will only cause him pain and potentially ruin or destabilize your relationship. In other words, no good will come of it. In this case, doing the right thing means protecting him and preventing him from having to suffer that pain.

 

Trix is right--it's in the past and both the surrounding circumstances and your status with Jon were in flux. I can't figure out exactly what did beyond kissing. You said, "we did not have sex, but other actions did occur. To be honest, I did nothing 'for' or 'to' him besides returning his kiss." And if that's the case, and if you weren't officially bf/gf at the time, then just chalk it up to momentary confusion, technically not cheating, and forgive yourself for being human.

 

The whole notion of unburdening yourself at the expense of your partner and the relationship is wrong, and even more so when events have been relegated to the past and no longer relevant. To your credit, you are resolved to never let anything like this happen again and you are remorseful. So forgive yourself for not really having sex with the ex during the transition and tuck this away, never to be visited again.

[Imported]

Hahaha,

 

So in other words your argument is well, IT "could" slip out so just do it now and go through the headache and hurt feelings etc? Am I right?

 

Well in your case the person is going to be hurt whether it's now or then, so why not live the ignorance is bliss life for 10, 15, 20 years? And by that time if they still want to be upset over something that happened 10, 15, 20 years ago, it sounds like their problem.

 

OP, just keep your mouth shut and you'll be fine, now AND in the future. Very simple!

 

 

Nah, he was probably thinking something along the lines of being honest. Not everyone gets that. Maybe he was thinking the cheater here wants to be a moral person and as such should come clean, but I get it, some people just live with lies, add more lies, probably take it to the grave, but man, dieing a liar to someone you supposedly love lol. What a horrible joke to play on someone. Come clean, start over if you have to, but don't be a liar.

[road]

Hahaha,

 

So in other words your argument is well, IT "could" slip out so just do it now and go through the headache and hurt feelings etc? Am I right?

 

Well in your case the person is going to be hurt whether it's now or then, so why not live the ignorance is bliss life for 10, 15, 20 years? And by that time if they still want to be upset over something that happened 10, 15, 20 years ago, it sounds like their problem.

 

OP, just keep your mouth shut and you'll be fine, now AND in the future. Very simple!

 

 

How are you going to fix the situation where the cheating happened 15 years ago and if known then is would have been a deal breaker then and the BH never would of married his GF/WW.

 

Because now the BH found out. JFO that his WW cheated 15 years ago and it still is a deal breaker so he divorces his wife. The house gets sold because they can't afford to keep it. The kids now have a part time dad.

 

So Trixis, how do you give this BH 15 years of his life back being that his wife made him live a live?

 

Again Trixis, how do you put the kids back in their house instead of the apt or trailer where they would up and give them their dad full time?

 

An Trixis, statistically kids that grow up in broken homes have more problems grwoing up and that still effect them as adults. Children that grew up where parents had affair are more likely to have affairs themselves. So Trixis, how are you going to fix that?

 

Came back to add that "it just slips out" happens all the time on infidelity boards.

Edited November 29, 2012 by road

[Chi townD]

I don't know why people are continuing to post. This is a hit and run thread. Seriously doubt that the OP is coming back because she was hearing what she didn't want to hear (except from Trixie and Salparadise). I think this is going to become a dead thread.

[Survivor12]

Normally, I would suggest that Jon deserves the truth, but in this case, Jon is already aware that you have the potential to cheat. He had no problem having sex with you when he knew you were still having sex with and lying to your bf so as I see it, he hasn't exactly earned the right to the truth or, if you do tell him, condemnation. Play with fire and there's a good chance you'll get burned.

 

Word of warning, though...since he was so willing to engage in your deception, don't be surprised if he ends up cheating on you and using your history of infidelity to soothe his conscience.

[Trixis4kidz]

How are you going to fix the situation where the cheating happened 15 years ago and if known then is would have been a deal breaker then and the BH never would of married his GF/WW.

 

Because now the BH found out. JFO that his WW cheated 15 years ago and it still is a deal breaker so he divorces his wife. The house gets sold because they can't afford to keep it. The kids now have a part time dad.

 

So Trixis, how do you give this BH 15 years of his life back being that his wife made him live a live?

 

Again Trixis, how do you put the kids back in their house instead of the apt or trailer where they would up and give them their dad full time?

 

An Trixis, statistically kids that grow up in broken homes have more problems grwoing up and that still effect them as adults. Children that grew up where parents had affair are more likely to have affairs themselves. So Trixis, how are you going to fix that?

 

Came back to add that "it just slips out" happens all the time on infidelity boards.

 

You make a LOT of assumptions here. Sounds rather personal. This idea of honesty is the best policy at all times is laughable. You write for the second time that people write on the infidelity boards that it just comes out. Well, yeah it's THE INFIDELITY BOARD - the reason why they are posting and having discussions there is because it did come out.

 

Now the flip side is the millions and yes I'm saying millions of times it doesn't just come out and you don't hear about it, because there are men and women who can keep their mouth shut.

 

Who do you think an escort or hookers best clients are? Single guys? Lol. You think that those business trips to Dallas, the guy or women isn't in the hotel bar or lounge picking someone up? And by no means am I saying that's everyone, but it happens all the time for men and women.

 

And guess what? They go back home and continue their life as if nothing happened. It's really not that difficult.

 

OK I'm done with this!

[salparadise]

The nature of how this relationship got started is a mitigating factor I believe. Jon, the current bf, originally the fox raiding the henhouse, was aware that she was doing the first bf at the same time for awhile and was ok with it. It's merely a matter of timing, not that much difference time-wise either, that he began to consider himself the bf rather than the fox. Since henny-penny was doing quite a bit of slippin' and slidin' during this transition it just seems like splittin' hairs to boil it down to what happened on which day with which guy. If I was her I'd certainly not go confessin' anything and if he ever asked I'd develop a convenient case of fuzzy memory as to dates, names, circumstances and so forth.

 

Yea, agree that this one's done.

[road]

You make a LOT of assumptions here.

 

They go back home and continue their life as if nothing happened. It's really not that difficult.

 

OK I'm done with this!

 

 

Trixis, how can you be done when you did not answer my questions?

 

Many get away with not getting caught. Many do get caught years later.

 

Again being you are against telling the BH how are you going to help the BH who had a WW that followed your advice and 15 years later when the truth comes out on dday?

[Trixis4kidz]

Trixis, how can you be done when you did not answer my questions?

 

Many get away with not getting caught. Many do get caught years later.

 

Again being you are against telling the BH how are you going to help the BH who had a WW that followed your advice and 15 years later when the truth comes out on dday?

 

Really? You want to continue? OK, sure. Let me see if I can address your question.

 

First I don't know what BH means, I missed that in Forum Acronym class. So I'll assume it has something to do with the new guy. So the question is how am I going to help him when the truth comes out - is that it?

 

I'll say to him that 15 years ago the person you were with made a simple mistake and believed at that time the best course of action was to simply not inform you of what happened because they really and truly valued the relationship with you and didn't want to lose it based on one wrong decision. Now if you feel that this is something that discredits the previous 15 years and all that has transpired in that time, then by all means - leave and pursue happiness and another relationship where you can be satisfied that you trust the other person.

 

Or you can choose to be the bigger person, accept the truth of what happened or apology, leave the incident in the past and focus on the present and the future.

 

The choice is yours.

 

Did I answer your question? Can we be done now?

[silvermercy]

The idea that because it happened 15+ years ago the betrayed spouse should just get over it is laughable. For them it happened YESTERDAY! Personally, learning that I lived such a lie, that my decision to dump them was taken out of my hands is just insulting and heartbreaking! I don't care if they were Mother Teresa during our years together. I was living with the biggest LIAR. They made me live a LIE and that is unforgivable! They didn't value any relationship or they wouldn't have cheated in the first place!!!! What logic is this? Cheaters don't tell for their OWN SELFISH reasons, i.e. not being dumbed! Just tell that to those initially happy men and women who almost committed suicide from learning something like that years or decades later!

 

OP, if you're still here, you need to tell, or if you don't, then walk away from them both. Obviously none of them is suited for you or you wouldn't have any trouble making a final decision.

Edited November 29, 2012 by silvermercy

[road]

Really? You want to continue? OK, sure. Let me see if I can address your question.

 

First I don't know what BH means,

 

Did I answer your question? Can we be done now?

 

BH, means betrayed husband.

 

No you did not answer any of my questions.

 

No because I am still waiting for your answers to my questions.

 

How do you give this BH his 15 years back?

 

So Trixis, how do you give this BH 15 years of his life back being that his wife made him live a lie?

 

Again Trixis, how do you put the kids back in their house instead of the apt or trailer where they would up and give them their dad full time?

 

An Trixis, statistically kids that grow up in broken homes have more problems grwoing up and that still effect them as adults. Children that grew up where parents had affair are more likely to have affairs themselves. So Trixis, how are you going to fix that?

[salparadise]

BH, means betrayed husband. No you did not answer any of my questions. No because I am still waiting for your answers to my questions. How do you give this BH his 15 years back? So Trixis, how do you give this BH 15 years of his life back being that his wife made him live a lie? Again Trixis, how do you put the kids back in their house instead of the apt or trailer where they would up and give them their dad full time? An Trixis, statistically kids that grow up in broken homes have more problems grwoing up and that still effect them as adults. Children that grew up where parents had affair are more likely to have affairs themselves. So Trixis, how are you going to fix that?

 

Road, no disrespect, but why do you keep flogging a dead horse? There are two perspectives on this and you simply have the opposite opinion of Trix, myself and a few others. It's not important that you convert anyone. But if it were, you'd have to do a lot better than floating this 15 year hypothetical over and over. It's not 15 years in the future, no outcome is certain or predictable, now or then, the circumstances are not nearly as black and white as your interpretation (no sex act occurred, relationship status had soft edges), and quoting sociological stats for groups that aren't even included here (children) couldn't be more irrelevant. The other thing is, your assumption that everybody must confess every inappropriate thought or deed to their spouse, every time, as if life can't go on unless everyone subscribes to your theory of absolutism, doesn't hold water. I certainly hope if your wife/gf (if you have one or both) ever asks, "how do I look," or "honey, does this make my ass look fat," that you'll find a way to come up with the correct answer. And yes, there is only one correct answer, and it's the one that makes her happy.

Edited November 30, 2012 by salparadise

[Trixis4kidz]

BH, means betrayed husband.

 

Appreciate the clarification.

 

 

How do you give this BH his 15 years back?

 

Why would I need to? Ok, well let me not do that and answer the question with a question. So, I can't give him back 15 years.

 

So Trixis, how do you give this BH 15 years of his life back being that his wife made him live a lie?

 

Oh the same question? Umm I can't give him back time.

 

Again Trixis, how do you put the kids back in their house instead of the apt or trailer where they would up and give them their dad full time?

 

I love how you place these people in a "trailer," that is pure comedy. Like I said previously, this thread sounds very personal.

Now in this one I can answer this question by making assumptions (just like you). I can tell the BH, GET OVER IT and move your kids home. There I just put them back in the home, IF he does what I say.

 

An Trixis, statistically kids that grow up in broken homes have more problems grwoing up and that still effect them as adults. Children that grew up where parents had affair are more likely to have affairs themselves. So Trixis, how are you going to fix that?

 

I don't even want to address your statistics reference, I will say show me ANY statistic and I can show you another one that proves my point. So once again you make ANOTHER assumption that now the kids have problems & are going to have affairs themselves. Really? So let me answer your question by making an assumption as you did.

 

I won't need to fix the children growing up, because what happened was the kid had problems (as you indicated), but then they met a mentor that inspired them and changed their life to focus on being a doctor. So they became a doctor and yes they had an affair (as you indicated), but then their wife forgave them and they lived happily ever after and this young kid went on to cure cancer.

 

There see it's fixed, oh but wait - you asked me how "I" was going to fix it. Ok to answer your question then - I'm going to be the kids mentor in the FUTURE. Ok? Got it? Are we clear?

 

I do believe I answered all your questions. Have a great day!

[road]

Road, no disrespect, but why do you keep flogging a dead horse? There are two perspectives on this and you simply have the opposite opinion of Trix, myself and a few others. It's not important that you convert anyone. But if it were, you'd have to do a lot better than floating this 15 year hypothetical over and over. It's not 15 years in the future, no outcome is certain or predictable, now or then, the circumstances are not nearly as black and white as your interpretation (no sex act occurred, relationship status had soft edges), and quoting sociological stats for groups that aren't even included here (children) couldn't be more irrelevant. The other thing is, your assumption that everybody must confess every inappropriate thought or deed to their spouse, every time, as if life can't go on unless everyone subscribes to your theory of absolutism, doesn't hold water. I certainly hope if your wife/gf (if you have one or both) ever asks, "how do I look," or "honey, does this make my ass look fat," that you'll find a way to come up with the correct answer. And yes, there is only one correct answer, and it's the one that makes her happy.

 

 

If Trixis position is the right one then she should not have to avoid answering my questions.

 

Saying do these pants make me look fat, whether one says no the pants do not make your ass look big, or your ass makes those pants look small, has nothing to do with lying about having an affair.

 

For 99.99% of people don't get divorced if the truth comes out about just how fat they are.

 

However whether ones spouse has cheated is a deal breaker for many people.

 

To the cheating spouse they had the courage to bang their AP. They should have the same courage and be honest with their BS.

 

To withold that knowledge is to force and condemn their BS to live a lie.

 

There are many 2nd and 3rd affairs because the WS never had to face the consequences from the first affair. Withholding the truth is avoiding just about the largest consequence that a WS can do.

[road]

Appreciate the clarification.

 

 

 

 

Why would I need to? Ok, well let me not do that and answer the question with a question. So, I can't give him back 15 years.

 

 

 

Oh the same question? Umm I can't give him back time.

 

 

 

I love how you place these people in a "trailer," that is pure comedy. Like I said previously, this thread sounds very personal.

Now in this one I can answer this question by making assumptions (just like you). I can tell the BH, GET OVER IT and move your kids home. There I just put them back in the home, IF he does what I say.

 

 

 

I don't even want to address your statistics reference, I will say show me ANY statistic and I can show you another one that proves my point. So once again you make ANOTHER assumption that now the kids have problems & are going to have affairs themselves. Really? So let me answer your question by making an assumption as you did.

 

I won't need to fix the children growing up, because what happened was the kid had problems (as you indicated), but then they met a mentor that inspired them and changed their life to focus on being a doctor. So they became a doctor and yes they had an affair (as you indicated), but then their wife forgave them and they lived happily ever after and this young kid went on to cure cancer.

 

There see it's fixed, oh but wait - you asked me how "I" was going to fix it. Ok to answer your question then - I'm going to be the kids mentor in the FUTURE. Ok? Got it? Are we clear?

 

I do believe I answered all your questions. Have a great day!

 

Still skirting around the issue. Well you better start being a mentor 24/7/365 because there are a lot of affair broken homes with broken kids that are not getting helped.

 

Better for the WS to be honest before 15 years go by and broken children are never made in an affair broken house.

 

Let the BS go off while they are still young enough to find a faithful spouse to have a family with is the better option.