Goldmund2004 Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Okay, primarily ladies but guys that have been in my situation please give some advice. I have been separated and then divorced for a year now. I am feeling normal and happy with myself again. Work is going good, I have my financial situation stabilized and didn't have any kids with my ex. I am 34, I have an MBA and am on a very good career path. I am also in the best shape of my life and am generally quite attractive with the exception of a receding hairline, which I keep short but it's not nasty or anything. (before marriage I had a lot of great relationships with beautiful women, and my ex was also very attractive). But I am stuck. I don't know where to start meeting women as I have been out of the dating pool for a while, but I feel like I'm ready and it's time to start forming some relationship(s). Some issues: a) Tried match.com, etc. & still have an ad up. I keep having decent conversations with women and have met a few for drinks, etc. but they are never what they bill themselves to be. In a few instances, they were fatties in person but not fatties "online". Not that I have anything against overweight people, but I work hard to have a decent body and I at least expect to be the heavier one in the relationship. IF they aren't overweight, they have issues, are sex addicts or just generally freaky people that I would never take to meet my friends. b) Rule about women from work: I don't do it. I am serious about my career and the last thing I want is to be the building gigolo or have rumors started or otherwise even give the appearance that I date women from work. My company is large and is regularly one of the "Best Places for Women Executives" and so there are a lot of women there, and we all know how much "they" talk and I don't really want them "talking" about me. Too much at stake for that. c) Approaching women: I live in Seattle, where women are notoriously hard to read if not impossible to figure out in an initial "meet and greet" if they are interested or not. d) Giving up? Some people and talk radio hosts say don't date AT ALL. Instead, just "hang out", do stuff with "friends plus more" because dating only adds unnecessary pressure and expense to the whole process. So my questions: What are the best places, methods, and otherwise "strategic" ways to be around and meet women that aren't clubbers and/or freaks, and don't work in my building, and aren't too young or too old (I'd like to marry again and have children someday)? Is rule b) a little to tight? If so, then what is the best way to go out with women from work and which ones should I avoid in order to prevent damage to my career should things either not work out or work out too well in the initial stages? Should I take the match.com ad down completely, because there is no chance of it being a good way to meet normal, intelligent people without spending a boat load of money going out with women who at least pass muster in my online vetting process? Is d) the best approach? Any tips, advice, or discussion appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hey, My "ex" and I are still fresh with our break up after being together for 9 years. I'm no where near ready for gettin' out on the range myself, but may I make some suggestions? First, stick with the "B" rule regarding work. It'll just throw a fat wrench into something you've worked hard to attain. Second, if you have any activities you enjoy doing such as biking, kayaking,hiking, or whatever your interests are. See if you could find some singles activity clubs somewhere involving an activity you like. That way there's a common ground of interest and you'll be doing something you like to do, with people who like to do the same thing, and without spending boatloads of cash on numerous trial and error dates. You could drag one or some of your buddies along to be your wingman. Option "D" seems the best and would be my approach to getting out when I'm ready to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goldmund2004 Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 good thoughts--wouldnt' know where to start to find singles groups for hiking, running, etc. but i've just started figuring out that going out to do stuff i like to do by myself in places where there is public "exposure"--i.e., not hiking remote beaches even though they are my favorite-- thanks--and good luck to you and god bless after 9 years. i know how hard it is and i also know u r doing the right thing by laying low and working on you and getting to know yourself again. it worked for me and is the advice i'd give to anyone in your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 try looking online for area activities. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just need to endure the roller coaster ride that goes with breaking up. Take it ez. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 d) Giving up? Some people and talk radio hosts say don't date AT ALL. Instead, just "hang out", do stuff with "friends plus more" because dating only adds unnecessary pressure and expense to the whole process. When they say "give up dating", they don't mean that you should give up pursuing women; they mean that you should adapt your approach a little. There are some definite advantages to the friends plus more approach. You take the pressure off of dating by not making it a date and by leaving things open a little; yet, at the same time, you go into it as you would if you were actually dating someone. You go in with the same goal, which is to make her interested in you. I think you'll feel more relaxed and confident, and that will make a good impression on whoever you're dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts