Yasuandio Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 That's really not the truth. I assure you that there are legions more reasons than this why marriages and relationships fail, and they cannot be boiled down to that. Conversely, people don't have to agree with each other all the time in order to maintain good marital relations. And, it usually does take both parties to kill a marriage. USUALLY. Just as it takes BOTH PARTIES in order to work out and honor compromises, which are a crucial aspect of successful marriages and partnerships of all kinds. Like she says, aM. Y Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I'll agree with the first post, but only by adding that the same goes for men. Men, a quick way to lose a quality woman is to sit around on your fat ass all day, playing video games, while simultaneously treating your hard-working girlfriend like ****. Don't forget that it'll happen even faster if she lives on her own but you still live with mommy and daddy. Oh, and don't forget to constantly tell her that you have no time for her (while playing video games 10 hours a day), and don't want to have sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Nice thread jack treasa..start your own. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 That's really not the truth. I assure you that there are legions more reasons than this why marriages and relationships fail, and they cannot be boiled down to that. Conversely, people don't have to agree with each other all the time in order to maintain good marital relations. And, it usually does take both parties to kill a marriage. USUALLY. Just as it takes BOTH PARTIES in order to work out and honor compromises, which are a crucial aspect of successful marriages and partnerships of all kinds. with respect you couldn`t be more wrong if you tried. I agree that you dont have to agree on everything Thats not the issue. Divorces dont happen because 1 person likes a certain tv show and the other doesn`t!! They happen because 1 has ,to put it the plainest way, changed. aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I'll agree with the first post, but only by adding that the same goes for men. Men, a quick way to lose a quality woman is to sit around on your fat ass all day, playing video games, while simultaneously treating your hard-working girlfriend like ****. Don't forget that it'll happen even faster if she lives on her own but you still live with mommy and daddy. Oh, and don't forget to constantly tell her that you have no time for her (while playing video games 10 hours a day), and don't want to have sex. was it always like this? from day 1?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 At first I was going to agree that it only takes one. But in my case it was close to a dozen. That is when you count the male co-workers who had gotten her ear, and no matter what I did it was wrong. One ILU a day showed that I didn't really care, but two ILY's and I was smoothering her And then on the days I caught her making out with the OM, I turned into a control freak, when I vigoursly protested and kicked her can to the curb In almost every separation and divorce amongst my friends and associates, there was always a toxic third party it was still 1, she `chose` to do those things, noone held a gun to her head? aM Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Wow...I see how quickly Treasa gets attacked on this thread for posting something I've been thinking since it started. Sorry, there are a lot of men out there with a low libido who blame it on their wives. And it does affect the marriage...they start out by looking somewhere else for sexual inspiration...games, porn, affairs, gambling, drinking. You hit a man in his soft spot (yup o_o ..them) well, lets just say the roosters feathers get ruffled. The fact is, if the only passion you have in your life is something other than your spouse, then you don't have a healthy balance of sexual expectations. When people complain that he/she is too fat, not willing, feigns a headache, not in the mood (give me a break...anybody can be influenced to be in the mood if handled correctly) well, that just means you need to know them and not your own selfish desires. Men are just as culpable to the offenses that the OP suggests. Treasa doesn't need her own thread to talk about what takes away from a healthy sexual relationship, it really takes re-wiring your desires and passion in the relationship. That might mean that men need to do some heavy work every once in a while and make a woman feel loved outside of his penis. That may also mean that women need to get off the soaps and expectations of "Shades of Gray". Life is not about YOU, it's about two people and how they overcome those obstacles because intimate relations (and not just sex) are the most important parts of a marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 You hit a man in his soft spot (yup o_o ..them) well, lets just say the roosters feathers get ruffled. I've never punched a rooster in my life! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 They happen because 1 has ,to put it the plainest way, changed. aM How do you explain it if they both changed? Have you actually been divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Not mine. My wife hauled off on me and assaulted me with a board. Turns out shortly after that she wanted reconciliation but I couldn't do that since she not only didn't apologize, but actually blamed me for it. When I didn't accept reconciliation, she then gave me the "it takes 2 people" nonsense. Sure, let me walk up to a stranger, slug him in the face, then when he gets mad at me, say, " Look it takes 2 people. If you don't stop being angry and work on our issues, then it's not gonna work." BS. Simply BS. Obviously it is your ex wife's responsibility and problem that she physically abused you, and that evidently was the final straw for your marriage. If that incident hadn't happened, however, from your past posts on your marriage it was on its way out anyway, and you did your part to contribute to it. So the demise probably did take two, right? Link to post Share on other sites
speedbump Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 (give me a break...anybody can be influenced to be in the mood if handled correctly) Unfortunately this is not true. Some spouses just have no libido. You can jump through every hoop they set up and there will always be another excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 How do you explain it if they both changed? Have you actually been divorced? Both changed? One would of had to of changed 1st? can we at least agree on that? The way 1 person behaves effects the way the other one does? As long as of course both still have a pulse. Have i been divorced?. No, i`m going through it now:( aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Unfortunately this is not true. Some spouses just have no libido. You can jump through every hoop they set up and there will always be another excuse. and unless that was there from the VERY start, 1 changed aM Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Both changed? One would of had to of changed 1st? can we at least agree on that? The way 1 person behaves effects the way the other one does? As long as of course both still have a pulse. Have i been divorced?. No, i`m going through it now:( aM I'm sorry you are going through a divorce. I don't know, but it's not a stretch to conclude that from your perspective your wife did the changing? The reason many people believe that it takes two to ruin a marriage is because it also takes two to have a successful marriage. It's a joint effort. Granted, there are situations where somebody blatantly breaks the marriage on their own by committing a "deal breaker" like cheating or abusing. And sometimes, one of the people simply wants to move on. I don't think those are most common, though. And you might as well stop arguing with me, because my personal life experience is different from what you insist is the absolute. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Obviously it is your ex wife's responsibility and problem that she physically abused you, and that evidently was the final straw for your marriage. If that incident hadn't happened, however, from your past posts on your marriage it was on its way out anyway, and you did your part to contribute to it. So the demise probably did take two, right? How could it? Thats like saying it takes someone else`s happiness for you to be happy? Thats rubbish. There is a single factor that can be concluded to every separation or divorce. One single event. "why are you divorcing him/her?" "Because......" . Fill in your own blank. If 1 didn`t change then the marriage had to of started for the wrong reasons in the 1st place? I`m not arguing, i`m not Peace aM Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 11. get really fat. 12. stop doing hair and nails 13. Let it bush 14. dont shave armpits anymore 15. have more children. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I'm sorry you are going through a divorce. I don't know, but it's not a stretch to conclude that from your perspective your wife did the changing? The reason many people believe that it takes two to ruin a marriage is because it also takes two to have a successful marriage. It's a joint effort. Granted, there are situations where somebody blatantly breaks the marriage on their own by committing a "deal breaker" like cheating or abusing. And sometimes, one of the people simply wants to move on. I don't think those are most common, though. And you might as well stop arguing with me, because my personal life experience is different from what you insist is the absolute. hi Mme. Chaucer again...who`s arguing? we are debating;) Yes she was the 1 that did the changing. She went from wanting to spend the rest of her life with me to never wanting to see me again. I have my faults ( hence my nickname) but if anything i have a lot less now than when we 1st met . aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 11. get really fat. 12. stop doing hair and nails 13. Let it bush 14. dont shave armpits anymore 15. have more children. lmao aM Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I've never punched a rooster in my life! Yeah, good chuckle there WGW. Unfortunately this is not true. Some spouses just have no libido. You can jump through every hoop they set up and there will always be another excuse. I find that position sad honestly. It's more telling that one or both spouses only see the act of intimacy being sexual in nature. True intimacy is created with understanding, care for each other, respect of each other's feelings. Without that intimacy in the relationship, well then it's just sex and doesn't really mean much. Not saying this is always the case, or even your personal situation, but if the intimacy isn't created in the relationship, then it's just sex and nothing more. And the act of sex itself is just a primal urge to get immediate needs met while not meeting the other needs in the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Yeah, good chuckle there WGW. I find that position sad honestly. It's more telling that one or both spouses only see the act of intimacy being sexual in nature. True intimacy is created with understanding, care for each other, respect of each other's feelings. Without that intimacy in the relationship, well then it's just sex and doesn't really mean much. Not saying this is always the case, or even your personal situation, but if the intimacy isn't created in the relationship, then it's just sex and nothing more. And the act of sex itself is just a primal urge to get immediate needs met while not meeting the other needs in the relationship. Yeah it is a `primal` need. Without it none of us would be here. Is it just sex when you 1st meet the person that later on you marry? Anyone one here says yes, then you have based your marriage on just the sex. Ok, the `honeymoon` period cannot last forever...or can it? Why shouldn`t it? You know that feeling when you 1st meet someone and fall in love with them? I still feel that towards my wife, although of course she doesn`t anymore. She has `changed`. And there is nothing i can do about it. aM Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 18. Thinking the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
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