Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Here's the story so far.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/350492-what-cost-together In brief... he decided to move here and I have been on cloud nine for 2 weeks. It's like everything in my life was finally falling into place. Too good to be true i guess. Today he got offered a position as a drummer on a cruise ship. For 6 months. Such a wonderful opportunity. Doing what he loves, making good money.. My higher self is so so happy for him. He is excited. He wants to make the money, for us, come here after and have options. That side of it is great. But FML!!!! I have a few friends that worked on cruise ships as dancers, etc.. and they all tell me what an awesome crazy f@#k fest it is. I haven't even had a chance! I'm just a pixel girlfriend. I'm not real. How can i compete with hot bendy girls doing the splits in front of him all night? How will I cope with the paranoia for 6 months! I don't know what to do or how to feel about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 This will be a good chance to test his devotion to you. Even if a thousand hot girls will dance infront of him, if he truly loves you then he will remain true to you. Once you both overcome 6mos of being apart it can make your relationship even stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Besides Minka's advice this is something that you are going to have to accept and be OK with if you want things to last. About the worst thing that you can do in a LDR is to worry what the other person is doing and stressing yourself out in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 I can't expect him to stay faithful. I couldn't even bring myself to ask him to. He might say he will.. But we are red blooded creatures with desires and needs. It would be so easy and how would i ever know anyway? I haven't seen him in over 2 years... He was moving here to be with me again. It's not fair! Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Mine wants to do the same thing. but as a teacher, not on a cruise ship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Mine wants to do the same thing. but as a teacher, not on a cruise ship Teach english overseas? Are you together (in the same place) now? Mine is in Toronato.. me NZ. He was going to come in January, for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Besides Minka's advice this is something that you are going to have to accept and be OK with if you want things to last. About the worst thing that you can do in a LDR is to worry what the other person is doing and stressing yourself out in the process. I know, I know. I just want to see him again. Like yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I can't expect him to stay faithful. I couldn't even bring myself to ask him to. He might say he will.. But we are red blooded creatures with desires and needs. It would be so easy and how would i ever know anyway? I haven't seen him in over 2 years... He was moving here to be with me again. It's not fair! I know, I know. I just want to see him again. Like yesterday. Wow over 2 years? I give you props for your patience. When my LDR started 6 months was the longest that we were ever apart. After two years of being apart I would think that seeing you would be top priority. Just my opinion. I expect others to disagree. The fact though that he has stayed with you this long and started making plans to move his life over to you shows that he has some devotion to you so it may be a bit premature to assume that he won't stay faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Wow over 2 years? I give you props for your patience. When my LDR started 6 months was the longest that we were ever apart. After two years of being apart I would think that seeing you would be top priority. Just my opinion. I expect others to disagree. The fact though that he has stayed with you this long and started making plans to move his life over to you shows that he has some devotion to you so it may be a bit premature to assume that he won't stay faithful. No no no... we met over 2 years ago while traveling. (august september 2010)...Travelled together. Went home to our respective homes (cause we had to) Stayed in touch, but only as friends. We have recently reconnected romantically, both admitting that we can't be with other people without constantly thinking of each other. I have had 2 relationships since him. No one can compare. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Teach english overseas? Are you together (in the same place) now? Mine is in Toronato.. me NZ. He was going to come in January, for good. No, he's in America and I'm Australia. He was going to move here asap but wants to get a teaching job there for six months, save up then move over here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 No, he's in America and I'm Australia. He was going to move here asap but wants to get a teaching job there for six months, save up then move over here. Is money tight? It is for my boy.. He is a musician. It makes sense in my head.. it would give us options and freedom later... but my heart is pinning...and it's scared. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Is money tight? It is for my boy.. He is a musician. It makes sense in my head.. it would give us options and freedom later... but my heart is pinning...and it's scared. Yep, money is tight . And youre right, it makes perfect sense but doesn't make it any easier 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Have you met in real life? I assume so... Do you have a thread with a story? Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Have you met in real life? I assume so... Do you have a thread with a story? No, I don't have a thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) I'm in a similar situation planning to move sometime in the next year if things go well (I'm in Australia shes in Canada). Main thing is if I'm going to move, I'm going to do it right, which means I need to save some cash so that I can setup on the other side. Last thing I want is to be a financial burden on my other half while I'm getting settled over there. Realistically I could try and move over there within in 6 months but I would feel much more secure if I had a year to save. Especially considering I will most likely be walking into a large promotion at work within the next month. I may not be able to get a position like this so easily straight away once I make the jump, so I will try to take advantage of it while I can. My other half will be coming to visit me sometime next year most likely closer to mid year so I don't know, while I really want to be with her I want to make sure it is a smooth transition for both of us with the least amount of stress as possible with one of us relocating. Though more than likely I will be the one moving as my skill set is quite mobile, whilst the profession she is studying is not as mobile. I can't speak for your guy Million.to.1 only my personal situation, yes there are ladies over here who have eyes on me but I have eyes for no one else but my partner, I love her very much and I hope one day soon we will be together in a more permanent arrangement, patience is required until then. Edited November 29, 2012 by Carenth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blugirl Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Million to 1, life can be a bitch sometimes, eh? Knowing myself, I would be freaking out and stressing myself, constantly thinking what is he doing so I think I would quit in such a situation. That would be too much to handle for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 I'm in a similar situation planning to move sometime in the next year if things go well (I'm in Australia shes in Canada). Main thing is if I'm going to move, I'm going to do it right, which means I need to save some cash so that I can setup on the other side. Last thing I want is to be a financial burden on my other half while I'm getting settled over there. Realistically I could try and move over there within in 6 months but I would feel much more secure if I had a year to save. Especially considering I will most likely be walking into a large promotion at work within the next month. I may not be able to get a position like this so easily straight away once I make the jump, so I will try to take advantage of it while I can. My other half will be coming to visit me sometime next year most likely closer to mid year so I don't know, while I really want to be with her I want to make sure it is a smooth transition for both of us with the least amount of stress as possible with one of us relocating. Though more than likely I will be the one moving as my skill set is quite mobile, whilst the profession she is studying is not as mobile. I can't speak for your guy Million.to.1 only my personal situation, yes there are ladies over here who have eyes on me but I have eyes for no one else but my partner, I love her very much and I hope one day soon we will be together in a more permanent arrangement, patience is required until then. It's wonderful in theroy, but really, is it practical or realistic? I can't help but feel with all the potentional scenarios, he will get something great out of this while I suffer. Even if I end it now, I suffer. There is no win fir me in this situation. How can I possibly compete? We don't have a relationship, we have a potential one. I don't think what we have is strong enough to put under this kind of pressure. It's just not fair! This is great opportunity for him and I feel terrible for being the thing holding him back. Every time I put my heart on the line I get this. I feel like I'm not meant tohave love. Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I will agree though two years is a really long time to have not seen each other, I don't know if I could cope with that now I have met my other half in person. That is why I'm making plans to close the gap as soon as realistically possible. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Have you talked to him about how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 I think the bond between you two will be official when you meet again, so you can be bothered and jealous, it's just human, but you both had other lovers/partners filling the gaps before reconnecting. So, just keep seeing it that way. He's moving to your place for good, and that should sweep away any sadness about the small things. Instead of wasting time on such trivia, if I were you, I would start planning on how you can keep in touch for the next 6 months, because that's top priority, since you can't have him with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 I think the bond between you two will be official when you meet again, so you can be bothered and jealous, it's just human, but you both had other lovers/partners filling the gaps before reconnecting. So, just keep seeing it that way. He's moving to your place for good, and that should sweep away any sadness about the small things. Instead of wasting time on such trivia, if I were you, I would start planning on how you can keep in touch for the next 6 months, because that's top priority, since you can't have him with you. He will connect with someone else. when we met, it was for a good time, not a long time. If he starts even a "convient" relationship while on the boat with another staff member, their time together will outrun ours in a matter of weeks. how i can keep contact while he is trying to juggle work, sight-seeing at ports, me, and a bit on the side? i don't think i can do it. I think i am just going to have to pretend to be supportive and happy for him and play along with the "come here after" game, and when he steps on the boat, run for the hills and block him from my life. i don't see how else it will be livable for me. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 What makes you think he wants a bit on the side? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) Because he is tall, good looking, musical and desirable. He will have offers. 6 months? and i will never know? are you kidding? Edited November 30, 2012 by Million.to.1 Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Because he is tall, good looking, musical and desirable. He will have offers. 6 months? and i will never know? are you kidding? Lol you sound like my fiance a few months ago. He said a similar thing to me but he's realised that while I may get offers, I have absolutely zero interest in them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Lol you sound like my fiance a few months ago. He said a similar thing to me but he's realised that while I may get offers, I have absolutely zero interest in them. I have expressed my concern with it to him. While he would not be looking to form a proper connection with someone, I don't think he can promise that casual sex wouldn't happen. Both are inevitable in my opinion. I know what it's like on cruise ships. You form bonds with people you wouldn't expect to. he hasn't said he would not participate in "a bit of fun" .... his elipsis speak volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
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