His Gain, My loss.

[aussietigerwolf]

I don't think a cheater would move halfway round the world for someone

[Million.to.1]

oh I don't know.. maybe you're right.

 

I just want him to do what he wants. I don't want him to feel obligated to me unless that's what he wants.

 

we skyped tonight and talked about it... i got a bit upset.. but talking to him always makes me feel better, then after i fill up with fear again.

 

he sent me a whatapp message 30 mins after... it said

"I really want us to work. Know that. Night. x"

[justwhoiam]

You know what? You risk to ruin it before it can even start... Relax. Don't disappear just because he's working on that ship. He might be end up being surrounded by silly trashy girls. Don't be supportive to be a good girl. Be supporting just because you love him. Anyway, I would make it clear that I would want to know if he has sex with someone, or more than someone... I would let him know he should feel free to talk to me about that, whatever happens. Because I am like that, I want to know.

[AngrySpider]

Million.to.1

 

Your fears are understandable.But a man who loves his woman won't even think of getting involved with someone else because that love won't allow him to.

 

I love my girl even though we're an ocean apart.I live in a party town where there's chicks everywhere.Also got at least one ex that would probably jump my bones in a heartbeat.(She already tried coming on to me while we was both drunk and I told her that I was spoken for).But I have no interest in hooking up with someone else.I wouldn't feel right for doing that.The way I see it,nobody compares to my girl.She's the one that I want most.Anyone else would really just be second-best. (Let's hope she sees it that way as well!)

 

If your man made the move to be with you,that's quite the statement he's making.To give up his life to come be with you is a big step and it speaks volumes to that he wants to be with you.That being said,I'm not sure if he'll be very enticed by women on the cruise ship.Just my opinion.

[Million.to.1]

Thanks Angry Spider. Its nice to know some men feel that way.

 

I guess my fear stems from his fearse independence.

I don't think he would say no to casual sex options.

Plus the fact that when he is busy, our communication drops substancally..

My number one "love language" ( google the 5 love languages to know what I mean) is "Quality time".

I need regular communication, a feeling of security that comes from someone's undivided attention. That's how I feel loved. I can't change that.. That's just the way I'm programmed.

 

I wish I could just take on board what you are saying and trust him and myself and our plans enough to play this out for thd next 6-8 months..

But I fear I will starve. Theory is great and all, but how do I make it work by getting what i need too while he is busy and constantly distracted and cruise ship Internet won't let us have the regular communication that I will need to not go completely nuts??

[AngrySpider]

Well,hey..not all of us guys sport snouts and curly tails We may be hormonally programmed to love sex but it doesn't mean that all of us are ready to jump on the first human being with estrogen in them.I can relate to some of what you're saying.

 

In the beginning of the relationship with my girlfriend,things went the way they usually go in the "honeymoon phase." The communication was constant and that's when I felt the most secure.I mean,if someone is messaging you all the time on Facebook,they really don't have the time to be engaged in horizontal horseplay with someone else (Unless they have superhuman multitasking ability!!) Now that the communication between she and I is far less because she's working a lot (at least she says she is),the insecurities in me flare up more.Just recently,I didn't hear a peep from her in a four-day span and I started to think that someone else was occupying her time when she wasn't busy earning her keep.When I brought this up to her,she said "I told you I'm not a cheat."

 

I'm getting the impression that you've been badly burned in at least one previous relationship and that's the reason why you feel more of a need to be in constant contact with him.Please correct me if I'm wrong in my impression.Personally,I've been cheated on numerous times,been left for guys whom I thought were best friends,been dumped by e-mail,and watched as my last girlfriend moved our bed into another guy's house.That being said,it's turned me into a very insecure and needy guy.It creates a catch-22 situation.

 

Trust is something that is vital to keeping a relationship alive,especially when there's distance involved.You never know what they are doing because you're not present to see.You go by what they tell you and pray to God that they're being honest.Maybe they're not...maybe they are.And even though that insecurity may cause you to question everything or to overanalyze things (I'm great at that!!),you have to keep it in check.It's tough being in a position where you have to look after your own heart.You want to know that you're investing your time and emotion into someone where you'll see a return on that investment.You want your feelings and your thoughts to be understood and,more importantly,respected by the other person.But at the same time,you have to not appear clingy,possessive,or untrusting.(Not saying that you are specifically.Just illustrating the situation).

 

I'll let you in on something as far as gestures go.I just got a beautiful silver locket for my girlfriend.I would not do this for her if I didn't have the devotion and loyalty to her that I do.Though I haven't met her yet and there are those insecurities that I have,I wouldn't go about wasting money on bling for a woman that I was only going to fool around on.Your man moving to be with you is a really big gesture.Quite frankly,it would be stupid on his part to carry on with other women on that cruise ship when he gave up home and life in it to start a new life with you.He would really be defeating the whole purpose if he did.If his feelings for you are genuine,he'll wait for you.He'll know that seeking out instant gratification with a cruise ship girl isn't worth destroying something that is promising with you.Sometimes we just got to give someone the benefit of the doubt because they might be the one who's worth giving the benefit of the doubt to.

 

(By the way,I will have to Google what you're saying about languages of love.I'm a sucker for knowledge).

 

I know that what I'm saying to you won't completely assuage your fears or concerns and I don't take offence to that.We seem to be the same in certain areas.All that I can say is capitalize on the opportunities that you do have to communicate with him.Make the most of that time.That's what I do when I have a few minutes with my Baby Doll.Be flirty,keep it spicy,and do your best to let him know what he's got at home.

[justwhoiam]

But I fear I will starve. Theory is great and all, but how do I make it work by getting what i need too while he is busy and constantly distracted and cruise ship Internet won't let us have the regular communication that I will need to not go completely nuts??

I might be wrong, but I think it's important for you to know how much effort he's putting into your relationship with constant thoughts, etc.

 

You should arrange things in advance, like if Internet is not working, he will write to you every day anyway, and as soon as he gets the connection, (at least at any port he reaches) you'll get all his emails, or stuff he wrote for you. That means you'll have a bunch of things to read from him that will keep you busy, if you get 5 emails at once, you can read one a day and answer one of them daily. Maybe something will get lost with this back & forth, but you'll be in touch and share everything. Come on, it's 6 or 8 months, not the end of the world.