INTERNET LOVE PARANOIA

[Jenna]

Before I went out with my boyfriend, he had a serious internet relationship with a this girl....lets call her Anne. He used to say to me (before he knew i liked him) that they were soulmates. But you see she was on the other side of the world from him.

 

When he found out that I liked him, he wrote to Anne and told her, and they broke up.

 

A few nights ago i was talking to a really good friend of Anne's, and he kept saying how they were meant to be together, and that whenever he talked to my boyfriend (before we got together) he would always say how much in love he was with Anne and stuff.

 

I talked to my boyfriend about this, asking him "If you loved her, how can you just forget that" he told me that "It was a journey from Blindness to insight".

 

I might just be being very paranoid.....but i can't help thinking that for my boyfriend, I am just the physical relationship, and his heart still lies with Anne. He hasn't told me that he loves me (it's only been a month) and he IS very shy. But wouldn't he have to love me a lot, to break up with his "soulmate". Or am I just second best?

 

Am I just being insecure or is there cause for this paranoia?

[Tony T]

1. But wouldn't he have to love me a lot, to break up with his "soulmate". Or am I just second best?

 

There are no "soulmates" whose only contact is online. All this is crap that takes place is in one's head, just like watching a movie or reading a novel. Any feelings he may have though he had were of his own creation based on his imagination and illustions. He was in love with some writing on a screen and what he created in his mind. Don't worry about that. It just shows he has a capacity to love. I fall in love with cute TV and movie starts all the time...and I even tell my friends about it. But I promise you they are no threat to any lady I may be seeing (with the possible exception of Salma Hayek).

 

2. Or am I just second best?

 

You're right there in person. You are NUMBER ONE. You are numero uno. The top of the heap. The cream of the crop.

 

3. Am I just being insecure or is there cause for this paranoia?

 

An in-person, face to face relationship is the REAL thing and wins over this online stuff any day of the week. Now, if he still talks to chicks online, you've got a problem. But if you're spending lots of time with him, you have nothing to worry about. Forget what he did in the past and tell his friends to stop filling you mind with all this crap that is really none of their business.

 

I don't like his friends at all. As a matter of fact, you can tell Anne's friends and your boyfriend's friends that are filling you with all this crap that I said they weren't such hot friends at all...and they should bug out of your business.

 

Now either move on with the relationship and forget all this rubbish or shut off your computer right now, do your guy a favor and break up with him, and go find a guy who isn't subscribed to the Internet.

[Jenna]

Hehe.....you certainly sound like you know what you're talking about.

 

There's something that's making me extra paranoid though. You see.....we DON'T spend a lot of time together. This may be because of the HSC which we both just did. But i am ALWAYS the one to organize getting together. What's with that....i mean, doesn't he want to spend time with me.

 

I know for a fact that he still talks to Anne over the net.....but i know he told her about us, because they "broke up". He says they're only friends.....

 

And also everytime he looks at me....i can't help thinking that he's trying to imagine her there in my place (we look a bit like each other).

 

Should I talk to him about my fears or what?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: Should I talk to him about my fears or what?

 

If you expect to have an open and honest relationship, it is absolutely mandatory that you talk to him about this. And you need to get it all straight before the weekend is over.

[Yumi]

Let's face it, past relationships leave their mark on us all. If your boyfriend ever had feelings for this girl, she is going to somehow be a part of him, because what they did together, the things they talked about, the things they fought about, are always going to be there in his subconscious and are going to influence his current and future relationships for better or for worse. However, if he says it is over, trust him until you have reason to believe otherwise. You will KNOW if he ever leaves town to visit her in person, and until then, it's not serious. On the other hand, if you're always looking over his shoulder and bugging him about it, it might turn him off. Give him some time! Your realtionship is still new, he may still be worried about impressing you, and he wants to talk to someone he is comfortable with AS A FREIND... as the two of you get closer, I think you will find that he has less need for any other friends, particularly his ex.

[Deejette]

He has made his choice because he is with you and not her. The rest is just paranoia on your part and mostly imaginary. You might tell him that you worry that he is thinking about her when he looks at you, but this may make him frustrated and angry. He has already cast his vote and he has picked you.

YOU ASK: Should I talk to him about my fears or what? If you expect to have an open and honest relationship, it is absolutely mandatory that you talk to him about this. And you need to get it all straight before the weekend is over.