ShinyNewKid Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 It's been years of infrequent sex and lots of nagging. But now, I've gotten to where I don't even want to kiss her, much less get naked with her. Any of you been there? What did you do? I don't even know where I go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Welcome to LS. Sorry about your situation. There are more than several folks who have experience w similar circumstances. Vent here!! Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 How long have you two being married and together? Aside sex, how is your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Wow, how fat did she get??? Haha. No she's not fat. She's actually in pretty good shape for her age (48). Me, I'm 46, and also in good shape from working out since I was 15. But it's got nothing to do with how she looks. I think I stayed in the relationship primarily so I wouldn't have to be away from my kids. Otherwise I probably would have left. After the kids were born, the sex dried up, and she was on mycase all the time with nagging and such. But I was always ready to have sex with her when the air cleared a bit. Lately, I've been on a long out of town project that takes me away from home on weekdays and back home on weekends. But now .. we get along fine and everything. I just don't want to touch her, kiss her, nor have sex with her. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 You might want to get checked for lowt. In the past, when I was chasing tail, the hunt, I could care less if I liked the woman or not..as long as she didn't talk to much. So what do you care when it comes to the wife?..when your horny your horny..liking is very secondary. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Are you interested in / infatuated with somebody else? No offense. Not suggesting / implying anything. Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Why not take a cruise together somewhere fun, or take a vacation? Get away from all the crappy life stressors and just enjoy each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Are you interested in / infatuated with somebody else? No offense. Not suggesting / implying anything. Just curious. I'm always interested in someone else, you know, when that hot co-worker or other walks by. But no, nothing in the works or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Your marriage is dead for you, and has been for years. You wanted to stay for the kids and you did. Do not have an affair. I suggest you discuss this with your W, be prepared for a long list of what's wrong with you, and decide together what you want to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Your marriage is dead for you, and has been for years. You wanted to stay for the kids and you did. Do not have an affair. I suggest you discuss this with your W, be prepared for a long list of what's wrong with you, and decide together what you want to do next. Yeah that should be fun Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Wow, Spit is uh... how should I say this? Well, I wouldn't exactly take Spit's advice, lol. Have his kids DNA checked? Jeez, that's a bit much. He simply said he can't stand the site of his wife, not that he didn't think his own children don't resemble him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 People shouldn't assume that, because their spouse is not interested in sex with them, that they are getting it somewhere else. Some people just loose interest in it. Some people become preoccupied with other things, and sex is not front and center in their mind. Sometimes the marital relationship is emotionally lacking or disconnected or volitile, and that kills off the sexual interest for a spouse. Could be any number of things. For the OP, you probably have lost interest in sex altogether because you've had to shut down your libido because of lack of interest from your wife. It's not always easy to regain those feelings after you've shut them down. I'm guessing that is what is going on--you have forced yourself to shut off your sex drive because you knew you weren't going to get any. I would suggest you try marriage counseling, and the counselor will help you to both reconnect on an emotional level and a physical level. Since women often need to feel emotionally connected to their spouse before they feel physically interested, it's likely that you and she have had an emotional disconnect for quite some time, probably from not emotionally feeding your marriage enough. You need to work on the emotional connection, as well as the physical connection, and I would suggest you do that with the help of a good marriage counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Interesting. So you've been through this yourslf? Is this how you fixed it? People shouldn't assume that, because their spouse is not interested in sex with them, that they are getting it somewhere else. Some people just loose interest in it. Some people become preoccupied with other things, and sex is not front and center in their mind. Sometimes the marital relationship is emotionally lacking or disconnected or volitile, and that kills off the sexual interest for a spouse. Could be any number of things. For the OP, you probably have lost interest in sex altogether because you've had to shut down your libido because of lack of interest from your wife. It's not always easy to regain those feelings after you've shut them down. I'm guessing that is what is going on--you have forced yourself to shut off your sex drive because you knew you weren't going to get any. I would suggest you try marriage counseling, and the counselor will help you to both reconnect on an emotional level and a physical level. Since women often need to feel emotionally connected to their spouse before they feel physically interested, it's likely that you and she have had an emotional disconnect for quite some time, probably from not emotionally feeding your marriage enough. You need to work on the emotional connection, as well as the physical connection, and I would suggest you do that with the help of a good marriage counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Find someone else to bang until your kids are grown. Top notch advice as always. So glad that we have you around. It's been years of infrequent sex and lots of nagging. But now, I've gotten to where I don't even want to kiss her, much less get naked with her. Any of you been there? What did you do? I don't even know where I go from here. I haven't been there but you are going to have to switch things up and try new things. That is one of the challenges of having a successful marriage. The cruise is a good idea for starters. Also have a date night every week. You can't just expect the intimacy to always be there. You both are going to have to put some effort in. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Sounds like your W has a lot of resentment built up. That's why she acts distant, and you act distant as a result of that, not wanting to get close to her. The constant nagging builds a wall between you. But look at it that way: at least she's still nagging. When women are done, completely done, they stop that, too. They withdraw completely. Why not start working on the underlying issues? Do you have any kind if an idea where the mutual withdrawal might stem from? Past hurts and disappointment, letting the other one down etc.? If there's nobody else involved on either side, it's still early enough to try something. If you still love her, why not put an effort in the M, not for the kids, but for yourselves? One of you guys has to make the first step. Be the bigger person. Initiate something. Fake it till you make it.* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 No, I can't imagine there's anything horrible I did except maybe work every day, provide a great home and vacations for her. If there was anything I was doing that was bothering her, I'm pretty sure she isn't too bashful to bring it up; trust me. Sounds like your W has a lot of resentment built up. That's why she acts distant, and you act distant as a result of that, not wanting to get close to her. The constant nagging builds a wall between you. But look at it that way: at least she's still nagging. When women are done, completely done, they stop that, too. They withdraw completely. Why not start working on the underlying issues? Do you have any kind if an idea where the mutual withdrawal might stem from? Past hurts and disappointment, letting the other one down etc.? If there's nobody else involved on either side, it's still early enough to try something. If you still love her, why not put an effort in the M, not for the kids, but for yourselves? One of you guys has to make the first step. Be the bigger person. Initiate something. Fake it till you make it.* Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Uh, yeah .. ok. Thanks. There are a couple of alternatives other than the slice on the side recommended by greznog. 1, you can really try to man up and completely dominate the marriage and your wife--maybe that's what she's been looking for all this time. The constant nagging is her way of trying to goad you into really taking charge. Don't ask her for sex, throw her down on the bed and have your way with her. 2, divorce her, this will probably be the most likely outcome since it doesn't sound like you are really motivated to do the man-up thing. 3, please don't listen to anyone telling you you have to "nice" her, they are completely wrong, and as a matter of fact, I'll be if you honestly look back at your entire relationship you were always the nice guy and this is what behaving that way always seems to lead to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Hey hey let's sacrifice a vigrinIf you can find one Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 Ok, so bottom line, I need to pay some stranger to get us back to ****ing like rabbits? That's the suggestion? Or a cruise? I'm sceptical .. so has anyone here actually done this? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Interesting. So you've been through this yourslf? Is this how you fixed it? No, what I've said is coming from the experiences of many people I've known in real life, and many testimonies I've read, and studies and readings I've done concerning marriage building and marriage deterioration. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Ok, so bottom line, I need to pay some stranger to get us back to ****ing like rabbits? That's the suggestion? Or a cruise? Well, if your ideal goal is to salvage your sex life and your entire marriage. It might work and it might not, but effort is required. Otherwise, just get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Ok, so bottom line, I need to pay some stranger to get us back to ****ing like rabbits? That's the suggestion? Or a cruise? I'm sceptical .. so has anyone here actually done this? Pay a stranger to bring back the emotional and physical connection with your wife. A marriage counselor is that person to pay. Paying some prostitute is not going to help your marriage. It will destroy it. Either leave the marriage or work to restore it. Infidelity will not help your marriage or your relationship with your wife or your sex life with your wife. It will only destroy your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 If you really love your wife and have a great friendship together, the cruise is a fantastic idea. Time AWAY from everything, your phones won't work, you'll be in vacation mode, it gives you enough time to relax and destress from life, but while you are on vacation, take the time to really talk to one another and see if that helps. Or gives you enough time to throw her off the boat. JUUUUUSSSTTT KIDDDDDDDINNNGG> Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShinyNewKid Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 Who said anything about prostitue? Pay a stranger to bring back the emotional and physical connection with your wife. A marriage counselor is that person to pay. Paying some prostitute is not going to help your marriage. It will destroy it. Either leave the marriage or work to restore it. Infidelity will not help your marriage or your relationship with your wife or your sex life with your wife. It will only destroy your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Who said anything about prostitue? Certain posters on this thread who shall remain nameless. "Bang someone else until your kids have grown." Link to post Share on other sites
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