neena Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hi, I am new here and would really like some opinions on this situation. My 45 year old brother, who still lives with our parents (that's another story) has been out of work since he quit his job 4 years ago. He supports himself by living off of his savings and continues to pay rent to our parents. But I guess his funds are running low and he has finally started job hunting, but without much luck. He has always been honest about his unemployment, never feeling the need to try to cover it up in any way. He figures as long as he is self- supporting, it would not be viewed negatively. Even so, I guess this does not sit very well with potential employers. So my mom comes up with the idea that he say that he has been working with my husband on weekends washing windows, and got my brother to go along with it. Her neighbor supplements his income this way (under the table), so I guess that is where she got the idea. But she did not want to involve him, so she asked me, even though we live 100 miles away. So, now I am supposed to verify that my brother drives out here every weekend to do this with my husband, and say what a good worker he is, etc. I guess since he supposedly makes $200/day doing this, the very long commute makes it worth it for him. ( And I guess my poor hubby is a very busy father working 7 days/week, lol! ) My brother has been very good to me and my husband and has also been a great uncle to my children, so I feel obligated to help him. But at the same time, I feel really weird about the whole thing, even though my mother apparantly thinks it's no big deal by the matter of fact way she called to tell me about it. I just know I would hear it from her if I refused, and I really would like to help his in some way, but not sure of how. Is there any way either he or I could get into any trouble over this? I would really appreciate other people's opinions or advice on this situation. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 I'd do this for my brother. You know what kind of worker he is so it's not like you're vouching for someone that you don't know and could be an awful employee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neena Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hi Pocky, thanks for the reply. This is true, I can honestly say that he is a very reliable and hard worker, and I know that he would make a great employee. I guess I just get nervous about lying. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 But if you say he is very reliable and a hard worker, you aren't lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neena Posted August 10, 2004 Author Share Posted August 10, 2004 Right, I wouldn't be lying about that part, just about the window washing. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I say go ahead and lie. If window washing isn't a skill needed to efficiently perform the job he's applying for, then it doesn't matter. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 This very neatly illustrates the inherent flexibility of morality. Moralistically, when it comes down to it, dishonesty is dishonesty, but obviously most people would not find a problem with helping out a family member in this way. I know I don't, and would help out a bro in a split second. It's different if you are lying to benefit yourself, but many people balance the idea of their dishonesty against the good they are doing through it. That's the difference between a moralist and a realist - moralists see everything in terms of black and white, realists see thing in terms of doing a good thing and doing a bad thing. In this case I think it's a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neena Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 That is a good point, I have no problem when the lie is for good reasons and I do want to help my brother. And it is true that he does not need this skill for the jobs he is applying for. So that is not an issue either. My fear is that it may sound far-fetched that he would drive such a distance for all the years, that they would know it is not true. Also, my husband would have to be working 7 days/week, since he already has a full-time job, which also may sound unlikely too. I guess I am not a very good liar and I always feel like the person knows. I am just a worry wort, always have been. My husband tells me that I look for things to worry about. It is true. I wonder what if the reference checker is related to an IRS agent and tells them to check that we are filing all this additional income on our taxes. I know that sounds unlikely, but I can't help but worry about these sort of things. I guess I should not think so much. Thanks for the responses, I appreciate them. Link to post Share on other sites
PUHLEEEEZE... Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Come on - lying is WRONG. You know it is... that's why you are feeing uncomfortable about it. I'd tell my family that if your brother wants to lie, he can figure out a way to do it without involving you. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 I agree with most of the other posts. If you know for a fact your brother is a hard worker, I say go ahead and help him out. Link to post Share on other sites
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