My girlfriend is becoming more risqué by the day

[mbczzcbm]

Oh come on guys. Now you all think she has cheated? You have got me all worried again just when I thought it was something I could forget about and move on.

 

Ok, so what do I do now? I guess, if I am reading the replies correctly, that there is no point asking her if she cheated because if she is a liar now she will continue to lie and so that question will get us nowhere.

 

What other option is there? Just leave? Surely you can't be suggesting I leave on a hunch that she might have cheated?

 

Obviously my eyes will be wide open moving forward looking for signs now but even that feels wrong to me. It's almost an admission that I don't trust her. It's likely that doing that can cause issues within itself and if she really hasn't cheated than I am creating a problem out of nothing. I am ruining a relationship with the most awesome girl because she might have done something (but also may be telling the entire truth).

 

I am so confused now. Just as I thought we were moving forward crap like this pops up and has me second guessing again. I might just bury my head in the sand and enjoy what I have while it lasts, if it falls in a heap I will be half expecting it, if it thrives and we stay together well lucky me. Expect the worst, hope for the best kind of scenario.

[road]

Oh come on guys. Now you all think she has cheated? You have got me all worried again just when I thought it was something I could forget about and move on.

 

Ok, so what do I do now? I guess, if I am reading the replies correctly, that there is no point asking her if she cheated because if she is a liar now she will continue to lie and so that question will get us nowhere.

 

What other option is there? Just leave? Surely you can't be suggesting I leave on a hunch that she might have cheated?

 

Obviously my eyes will be wide open moving forward looking for signs now but even that feels wrong to me. It's almost an admission that I don't trust her. It's likely that doing that can cause issues within itself and if she really hasn't cheated than I am creating a problem out of nothing. I am ruining a relationship with the most awesome girl because she might have done something (but also may be telling the entire truth).

 

I am so confused now. Just as I thought we were moving forward crap like this pops up and has me second guessing again. I might just bury my head in the sand and enjoy what I have while it lasts, if it falls in a heap I will be half expecting it, if it thrives and we stay together well lucky me. Expect the worst, hope for the best kind of scenario.

 

 

Tell your GF that her story is hard to believe and that you want her to take a polygraph test.

 

She will act indignant.

 

You tell her that those that have nothing to hide hide nothing.

 

Schedule the test, give the date for the test.

 

As the date gets close don't be surprised when she admits to doing a litle bit more then swear she did nothing else. This is known as trickle truthing. Done to get you to cancel the test. Don't, the test is on to confirm what she has told you.

[aed]

Oh come on guys. Now you all think she has cheated? You have got me all worried again just when I thought it was something I could forget about and move on.

 

Ok, so what do I do now? I guess, if I am reading the replies correctly, that there is no point asking her if she cheated because if she is a liar now she will continue to lie and so that question will get us nowhere.

 

What other option is there? Just leave? Surely you can't be suggesting I leave on a hunch that she might have cheated?

 

Obviously my eyes will be wide open moving forward looking for signs now but even that feels wrong to me. It's almost an admission that I don't trust her. It's likely that doing that can cause issues within itself and if she really hasn't cheated than I am creating a problem out of nothing. I am ruining a relationship with the most awesome girl because she might have done something (but also may be telling the entire truth).

 

I am so confused now. Just as I thought we were moving forward crap like this pops up and has me second guessing again. I might just bury my head in the sand and enjoy what I have while it lasts, if it falls in a heap I will be half expecting it, if it thrives and we stay together well lucky me. Expect the worst, hope for the best kind of scenario.

 

First you need to understand that most people give advise from their own perspectives and many people here on this boards have bin betrayed by there loveones. So they few the world and give responses from their own expiriences.

 

You know your gf, not the users on the forum. When she explained her change of behavour, do had the feeling she was holding back some details to herself? Did you feel relieved when she explained Or did the doubtfull feelings still remained?

 

PS when you are dating I wouldnt go for a polygraph test, when you are 'only' dating yet it can show her investment in the relationship.

[road]

First you need to understand that most people give advise from their own perspectives

 

 

Stop right there. You have been on an infidelity forum for a month and now have years of experience?

 

Have you been cheated on?

 

Have you been the cheater?

 

I have been on these forums for years.

 

Affairs and cheaters are not unique. They all follow the same script.

 

The BS's gut senses something is wrong. They have no proof. Though in time they will find out their gut feeling was right all along.

 

A sudden change in behavior. This OP's GF goes on a vacation with other single GF's and comes home and now is a porn star in bed.

 

Does not add up. You want to believe his GF was bored so she read books on how to bang like a porn star while on her vacation.

 

You believe that people go to sex clubs to not have sex.

 

You think that when people are being evasive when telling about what they did is not lying.

 

You think that there is a bridge for sale in Brooklyn.

[mbczzcbm]

@road - your ideas are certainly the polar opposite to mine. I would never dream of asking someone to take a polygraph and would be offended if I was asked. Sometimes you just have to trust people. Any argument about if there is nothing to hide..... just doesn't cut it with me, sorry. It's just way too extreme.

 

My girlfriend has never given me reason not to trust her so until some evidence surfaces that says otherwise I will put that trust in her, in us. I came to that conclusion late last might when a good (female) friend of mine rang for a chat. My girlfriend could see this girl as a threat or think that I was doing something with her (we often go out together), but she trusts me and trusts that I will not betray her (which I wont). I think it is about time I put that same level of trust into her.

 

If I can stay a my friends house, sleep in her room (on the floor) and my girlfriend trusts me that everything in above board then I can trust her that the things she has told me are true.

 

I am going to enjoy my relationship without reservations from now on and I am going to enjoy my birthday tomorrow (happy birthday me).

[aed]

Stop right there. You have been on an infidelity forum for a month and now have years of experience?

 

I didnt aply that now did I?

 

Have you been cheated on?

 

Have you been the cheater?

 

I have been on these forums for years.

 

Affairs and cheaters are not unique. They all follow the same script.

 

The BS's gut senses something is wrong. They have no proof. Though in time they will find out their gut feeling was right all along.

 

A sudden change in behavior. This OP's GF goes on a vacation with other single GF's and comes home and now is a porn star in bed.

 

Does not add up. You want to believe his GF was bored so she read books on how to bang like a porn star while on her vacation.

 

You believe that people go to sex clubs to not have sex.

 

You think that when people are being evasive when telling about what they did is not lying.

 

You think that there is a bridge for sale in Brooklyn.

 

I have cheated, and I think, I have bin cheated on in an other prevous relationship . But that's not my point. My point was OP want's to believe his gf and is asking here if she has cheated. I also think she cheated but I also have bin in a sex club, drunk, loaded with money and nothing happend in the end, so I don't know for sure because I didn't do anything in the end, and mabey there are more people like me. (We where with friends and some friends end up sleeping with hookers and some did not and some had gfs at the moment and some did not and not only the guys with gf end up doing nothing and visa versa.)

 

Just like I said, I don't know for 100%, I wouldnt believe that story. But going to a sexclub and being secretive about it, would be enough to cut things off! It's not the kind of behavour im searching for in a gf.

 

But OP don't keep attached to your gf because of the sex!

Edited December 11, 2012 by aed

[road]

@road - your ideas are certainly the polar opposite to mine. I would never dream of asking someone to take a polygraph and would be offended if I was asked. Sometimes you just have to trust people. Any argument about if there is nothing to hide..... just doesn't cut it with me, sorry. It's just way too extreme.

 

My girlfriend has never given me reason not to trust her so until some evidence surfaces that says otherwise I will put that trust in her, in us. I came to that conclusion late last might when a good (female) friend of mine rang for a chat. My girlfriend could see this girl as a threat or think that I was doing something with her (we often go out together), but she trusts me and trusts that I will not betray her (which I wont). I think it is about time I put that same level of trust into her.

 

If I can stay a my friends house, sleep in her room (on the floor) and my girlfriend trusts me that everything in above board then I can trust her that the things she has told me are true.

 

I am going to enjoy my relationship without reservations from now on and I am going to enjoy my birthday tomorrow (happy birthday me).

 

 

This response makes me think real reason you are here to work on your novel.

[road]

 

I have cheated, and I think, I have bin cheated on in an other prevous relationship . But that's not my point. My point was OP want's to believe his gf and is asking here if she has cheated. I also think she cheated but I also have bin in a sex club, drunk, loaded with money and nothing happend in the end, so I don't know for sure because I didn't do anything in the end, and mabey there are more people like me.

 

 

Thank you owning up that you cheated.

 

How can you support the OP in his denial when you believe his GF cheated?

 

Are you male?

[aed]

Thank you owning up that you cheated.

 

I was extremely drunk and got myself a situation there, where I fully take responsability for my actions. Because I knew how things where going at yet you still go along with it.

I came clean the next day. Everyone told me not tell the girl (because we where in difficult terms of the relationship), but I thought it was a low thing to do. And because of what I did I became less understanding to cheating then ever before.

 

 

How can you support the OP in his denial when you believe his GF cheated?

 

Like I said I went to a club. I was ****ing horny being there and there where some very hot and sexy girls around there. I was drunk and had every intension to sleep with one of the girls there. I had a boner for almost 3 hours there and didn´t do anything. Because of a girl I was slighty dating but nowhere near serious. But the thought that it might became serious in 1 year, was enough to hold my dick in my pants.

There was enough peer pressure, where I could shift the blame to. But I didn't do anything.

 

So it can be she didn´t do anything in the end.

Like I said people give advice from there own perspectives in life.

If she is a 'sucker' like me, there is a 100% change she didn't do anything.

 

I also have my doubts over the story. First you don't become a different person sexualy in just one night! Second: I would be concerd that she kept it away from me and lied about it. If nothing happend why didn't she tolled him on skype, the day after she was there? This are the only reasons I'm doubting this story. She could have tolled him, right away. Or atleast the moment she got home, if she didn't want to make him worry over seas.

 

My gut feeling is saying that she is holding something from him.

 

Are you male?

 

How did you guess that?

[sayyes19]

@road - your ideas are certainly the polar opposite to mine. I would never dream of asking someone to take a polygraph and would be offended if I was asked. Sometimes you just have to trust people. Any argument about if there is nothing to hide..... just doesn't cut it with me, sorry. It's just way too extreme.

 

My girlfriend has never given me reason not to trust her so until some evidence surfaces that says otherwise I will put that trust in her, in us. I came to that conclusion late last might when a good (female) friend of mine rang for a chat. My girlfriend could see this girl as a threat or think that I was doing something with her (we often go out together), but she trusts me and trusts that I will not betray her (which I wont). I think it is about time I put that same level of trust into her.

 

If I can stay a my friends house, sleep in her room (on the floor) and my girlfriend trusts me that everything in above board then I can trust her that the things she has told me are true.

 

I am going to enjoy my relationship without reservations from now on and I am going to enjoy my birthday tomorrow (happy birthday me).

Enjoy it. I would.

[nonexistent]

Dude, if you want to believe your GF and want to be with her, then do so. We don't know her and we don't know you. All everyone is doing is giving you advice based on their experiences. May or not be accurate. Cheaters are probably all the same in the end, but not every person is the same. Regardless, find a way to guilt her. I told my wife back when we first started dating (she was in between me and her ex) that if she did anything "stupid" that it would on her conscience. It would probably hurt me yes, but would she be willing to carry the burden of hurting someone else? She straighted up from that point on and 4 years later we got married. So it's up to you how you want to handle it. You can turn a blind eye and have that doubt linger, or you can clear the air, or you can end it and never have to worry about it. From your posts, it seems that you're content with what she's given you as the reason.