Extremely abusive ex-lover

[BklynGuy]

I met a girl years ago on a job & it bothers me to this day. She was extremely attractive yet always complained about her man. I worked with her for a year & she would always come around & flirt with me. I tried to avoid getting into anything with her & it worked for that 1 year period. I was overweight & began working out for months.

 

She became extremely more flirty with me & hints she wanted to hook up. I give in to my desires & begin dating her. We go out for 1 week before she starts causing fights on the job & basically dated me to get her man to pay her attention. I am then harassed by phone, in the street, at work & on the internet. She was 23 but had the mentality of a 16 year old.

 

A co-worker tells me she tricked & used me & all she really wanted was male attention. She then begins coming to work with signs of domestic violence. She says it's because I slept with her. I'm harassed for 6 months so I try to transfer to another job location. My bosses don't let me & I'm forced to quit.

 

She destroyed my friendships & trust in women. I just find it difficult to get close to them now. She would snoop around in everything, spread my business, stalk me online & even began showing up @ my house & in my neighborhood. She had some mental issues but there were no overt signs, or she hid them from me. How can I avoid this again? I still can't believe all of this & it's been 6 years. It was as if she believed she could destroy my life because we had sex & she did.

[BklynGuy]

After this I became extremely depressed & it's gotten worse over time. I delved into my studies to cope with this situation. Basically became an alcoholic, have socially withdrawn, no girlfriend & no true friends. Unemployed, have no job prospects, stuck with my mother who wants me to take care of her now she's elderly. She controls me with money because I'm not working & is extremely abusive herself. I hide in my room to avoid arguments & I'm in my mid 30's. My family lives in the house & there's constant fights & 911 calls. I can't find a proper way out & I'm 5 classes away from a BA in psychology. Life is just crappy now.

[TaraMaiden]

Write down everything good - and bad - about what's happening to you right now.

Forget the fact that in your view the lists are greatly unequal.

 

make one column on the left, for all the bad stuff.

Top this list with the heading: "How can I change this?" head the next column 'Short term' and the final column 'long term.'

 

with the good stuff, do similar, but head the piece "How can I improve this?"

 

Again, use 'short-term' and 'long-term' columns.

The problem here is not that all these things have happened.

What the problem is, is that you're not dealing with them efficiently or appropriately.

 

Gain some insight and advice from a detached third party.

Find a counsellor - or just a good friend - to bat your ideas/lists off of.

 

Get active. It's not about finding immediate solutions, but it IS about regaining control.