She said she needs to fix herself.....

[Freezingcold]

Well, my girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me this past monday (November 25, 2012) and she told me it was because she doesn't know where she's going in life, she's very confused about everything and doesn't even know what she wants. She told me she thinks she has very strong feelings for her ex who she hadn't seen in a year and a half and they were a long distance relationship. Also, she told me that she just needs to figure things out in her life. I miss her a lot, I guess she still loves her ex and she told me while she figured things out, and whether or not she wants to get back with her ex that she needs space and that she didn't want to string me along, that is isn't fair. While I'm glad she did that, and she was nice about it; it hurts and it sucks. I cannot even think about her talking to him calling him babe like she calls me, kissing him, having sex with him or anything. It makes me jealous and upset and really really depressed. I am in love with this girl, I knew her for 5 years on and off we were friends and she told me she's always had a crush on me and she has..... she hasn't cheated on me, but she left me to see if her feelings for her ex were strong and if she wanted to get back together with him. She told me the first day she needed space then called and texted all night long and I kept ignoring. Tuesday she text me a little here and there, then yesterday no texts and same thing for today so far. Although I am doing no contact, it is the weekend and I know she'll talk to him, and it is my first weekend without her and it hurts a lot. I have cried a lot, I know she's needing to figure things out but I love her and she told me up until she stopped texting that "I love you, I miss you, I don't want to end us forever" and that "I just need my space to figure things out" "I need to fix myself" "I hate that I'm struggling with this" and "I am sorry for ruining your life and mine" and all this other sad and depressing stuff. She kept telling me that she misses me there because we saw eachother every single day and we did everything together and texted non stop. It's weird for my phone to not receive any texts now from her.

 

I don't know how much more my heart can take, I am hurting all over. It's an invisible hurt, impossible to describe. I feel empty, lonely, hurt, depressed, sad, angry, upset, hopeless, jealous, and I just feel trapped. I have nothing to do, no where to go and friends are helping very little (they are supportive) but it's not the same, because I miss her so bad.

 

It seems like now she's just going off on her way, not caring about me anymore. I just don't know what to do. She keeps telling me give her space and I have been and haven't contacted her once, she kept texting me but I went no contact and she has stopped texting me since... Will she come back? I don't know, I just don't want her going back to that jerk: he's horrible and definitely not who she needs he hurt her and dumped her and treated her like ****. I'm jealous that she'd want someone she would barely see, treated her like ****, cheated on her, drank and did drugs...

 

I'm so much nicer, I gave her the world and I was an amazing boyfriend to her during out relationship. We both had our issues, but nothing that warranted this.

[Timmy2020]

it seems you are nice. let it go you will find better one soon.

[Samms22]

Well, my girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me this past monday (November 25, 2012) and she told me it was because she doesn't know where she's going in life, she's very confused about everything and doesn't even know what she wants. She told me she thinks she has very strong feelings for her ex who she hadn't seen in a year and a half and they were a long distance relationship. Also, she told me that she just needs to figure things out in her life. I miss her a lot, I guess she still loves her ex and she told me while she figured things out, and whether or not she wants to get back with her ex that she needs space and that she didn't want to string me along, that is isn't fair. While I'm glad she did that, and she was nice about it; it hurts and it sucks. I cannot even think about her talking to him calling him babe like she calls me, kissing him, having sex with him or anything. It makes me jealous and upset and really really depressed. I am in love with this girl, I knew her for 5 years on and off we were friends and she told me she's always had a crush on me and she has..... she hasn't cheated on me, but she left me to see if her feelings for her ex were strong and if she wanted to get back together with him. She told me the first day she needed space then called and texted all night long and I kept ignoring. Tuesday she text me a little here and there, then yesterday no texts and same thing for today so far. Although I am doing no contact, it is the weekend and I know she'll talk to him, and it is my first weekend without her and it hurts a lot. I have cried a lot, I know she's needing to figure things out but I love her and she told me up until she stopped texting that "I love you, I miss you, I don't want to end us forever" and that "I just need my space to figure things out" "I need to fix myself" "I hate that I'm struggling with this" and "I am sorry for ruining your life and mine" and all this other sad and depressing stuff. She kept telling me that she misses me there because we saw eachother every single day and we did everything together and texted non stop. It's weird for my phone to not receive any texts now from her.

 

I don't know how much more my heart can take, I am hurting all over. It's an invisible hurt, impossible to describe. I feel empty, lonely, hurt, depressed, sad, angry, upset, hopeless, jealous, and I just feel trapped. I have nothing to do, no where to go and friends are helping very little (they are supportive) but it's not the same, because I miss her so bad.

 

It seems like now she's just going off on her way, not caring about me anymore. I just don't know what to do. She keeps telling me give her space and I have been and haven't contacted her once, she kept texting me but I went no contact and she has stopped texting me since... Will she come back? I don't know, I just don't want her going back to that jerk: he's horrible and definitely not who she needs he hurt her and dumped her and treated her like ****. I'm jealous that she'd want someone she would barely see, treated her like ****, cheated on her, drank and did drugs...

 

I'm so much nicer, I gave her the world and I was an amazing boyfriend to her during out relationship. We both had our issues, but nothing that warranted this.

 

Hey pal... first of all I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I was there 3 weeks ago and with each passing week it gets better and better. I know exactly how it feels to always have a text from your love ready and waiting to go on your phone. I know the ratio of texting your girlfriend is about 350 to 1 to other people. Trust me I understand.

 

I got out of a 9 month relationship when I found out my "perfect" girlfriend had cheated one. She said exactly the same things you're girlfriend said while she was simultainously texting and seeing another guy. I'm not sure if you're girlfriend had cheated, but I'm betting that she had.

 

Her constant texts and calls now are what are called "breadcrumbs." She's sexually attracted to another guy but on an intellectual level she knows you're an amazing boyfriend who will "always be there" for her. Don't be that guy. Follow this advice:

 

Go COMPLETE No Contact. DELETE all texts from your phone from her BEFORE you read them. Rearrange your furniture and get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Delete her off of Facebook, twitter, whatever, and block her from your phone if you can. Don't think about her sexually if you can help it -- it strengthens the bond and the oxytocin release.

 

She's obviously not the girl for you, man. She isn't ready to commit and you put her on a pedestal in some fashion. There will always be a girl who is better than your ex -- go out after you're done healing and find some. I wish I could get across to you just how quickly this pain can go away if you go NC.

[Toddbt12y1]

Man...I remember that feeling. Let her go see for herself. If she is not clear oh well. Look, you move on. Go talk to others, don't keep waiting...that's not good. She won't wait. I know...my ex I hadn't seen in a year. It was LDR, but I did see her. Sara was wonderful, but sadly thought the same confusing thoughts...not gonna her into my story but it didn't end we'll.

It is GIGS: grass is greener on the other side syndrome. She probably cares for her ex...may even believe he's changed. Idk...but please go out have fun and stop worrying about her. Ignore her texts. She wants you let her come to you or call you.

[KatZee]

I stopped reading pretty much immediately because I had my suspicions when I read the title and then I saw it.

 

The only thing you need to be paying attention to in this whole load of horses.hit she spewed at you is:

 

"I think I still have feelings for my ex."

 

That's it. This is 95% of the reason she's done with you. I know you say she hasn't seen him in a year and a half but I'm willing to bet beyond any shadow of a doubt they've been in some sort of contact, or will be talking in the very near future.

 

It has nothing to do with "fixing herself" or any of that other cliche crap that these dumpers tell us. My ex said the same things word for word. Very soon after I found out there was someone else.

[geegirl]

She has unresolved feelings for him and no matter how badly he treated her, she does identify it the way you do. In her own toxic state, it's what she wants.

 

Let her go. It's not about fixing herself. It's about wanting what she wants. Period.

 

While dumpers still have some difficulty in cutting the cord because there's still an attachment that they have with the dumpee, you have to just accept her contact as her way of not being able to let go until she secures her place with him. You don't want to be her life raft until she gets to shore, now do you?

 

Bottom line, you cannot have a relationship with her when she loves someone else. She will most likely get burned again by this guy and come running back to you. At that point, you better consider the motive rather than walk in blindly thinking it's love.

[Toddbt12y1]

Katzee is dead on with her response. Listen to it well. Very good response and right to the point.

[Freezingcold]

Thank you all. Very helpful. The truth hurts, you guys said it bluntly but it's sad I have more trust in the LS community than I do my now ex. My question now is will she ever realize what she had with me? I gave her the world, treated her like a princess, took her everywhere with me. I was always there for her. My question is, will she miss that? Will she ever want me back? As time goes on, I more and more realize that if she asked for me back, I would have to really think about it. She has really hurt me, I am just wondering if she is going to miss how we'll she was treated. I am a really good boyfriend, I am almost hoping that she soon realizes what she has lost, how we'll I took care of her. Any girl would be so thankful that I treated them so nice. I'm not getting revenge, right now I still love her but don't want her back so much anymore. I just want her to get out there and see what a huge mistake she made. Not because I want to hurt her but because she doesn't know what she had and now it's gone. I just hope she finds what makes her happy with or without me. I care enough to forgive her eventually. I just hope I find a girl who thinks I am the best thing ever now... Because I thought my ex did.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you just need to keep moving forward. MAke positive changes in your life right now. Buy a new wardrobe and get a new hairstyle. One that people will see and like. This will help with your self esteem. Go back to school. Take some classes. This will help get your mind into the book and off of what she might be doing. And start hitting the gym hard! Push weight and run your ass off on the treadmill. This will help you get that rock hard bod and also help your self esteem. And travel! Go somewhere! Drag a friend with you. Pick a place that you've always wanted to go see....save and GO! This gives you a goal and something to look forward to.

 

Samms is right. You're a nice guy and she knows it. She might be thinking that if things don't work out with her Ex or he completely blows off her advancements, she can come back to you and ou'll take her back because "you're a nice guy". Well, don't be that guy. She's contact you to make sure you're still waiting on the sidelines. Ignore her! She made a choice to have you out of her life, so you give her EXACTLY that.

[Freezingcold]

Am I a horrible person for hoping she regrets and feels horrible for what she did to me? Also that she lost someone who maybe next week or year will look back and realize why did I let him go? Am I a bad person for hoping she sees me move on without her and give some other girl the world that doesn't feel her ex in her heart.... Am I a bad person for hoping that she wants to get back with me and I have to tell her straight up that she hurt me and I've moved on?

 

Is it wrong for me to even contemplate her coming back and if she did maybe say yes?

 

 

I just don't know. I want her to realize what she has lost, I was a damn good boyfriend she just never got over her ex.

[Samms22]

Am I a horrible person for hoping she regrets and feels horrible for what she did to me? Also that she lost someone who maybe next week or year will look back and realize why did I let him go? Am I a bad person for hoping she sees me move on without her and give some other girl the world that doesn't feel her ex in her heart.... Am I a bad person for hoping that she wants to get back with me and I have to tell her straight up that she hurt me and I've moved on?

 

Is it wrong for me to even contemplate her coming back and if she did maybe say yes?

 

 

I just don't know. I want her to realize what she has lost, I was a damn good boyfriend she just never got over her ex.

 

Quite frankly, it's irrelevant, but for sanity's sake I'll say this: When things fall apart with her ex, as they most assuredly will, she will look back and remember all of the good that you did and she'll want that again. I can't tell you the amount of times an ex has called and has thanked me how good I was, and that they wanted to have coffee and "catch up." It happens. So yes, she will absolutely rue the day she broke up with you.

 

This is irrelevant though. YOU need to move on, focus on yourself, go NC, and find someone better and more reliable. She doesn't deserve you. Continue to be happy with yourself and a great provider and you'll attract someone who deserves what you give them. The fact that she stayed in a relationship with you when she was still in love with her ex is unconscionable.

[Freezingcold]

I have gone no contact. I haven't texted her and for the last two days she has t texted me either. No calls, no emails etc... I just don't know, I know she's toxic and not good for me, but I just had so much about her I liked.

[Chi townD]

You just need to tell yourself, " I am not someone's back up plan and I am NOT someone consolation prize!"

[Freezingcold]

It just sucks, she used to be so interested in me. Wanting to do and be everything for me. I truly believed it. She would always want to please me, be there for me then it all turned to about her then she left me. I guess I should have seen it coming, she used to be so into me and so all over me. I guess that too is what I miss, not so much her but a girl who I thought loved me, was all over me, wanted to please me, and acted like I was someone she couldn't live without. I guess I'll find a girl who does all the things my ex did but really mean them and truly want to do them for me. It just sucks to lose all those things from the beginning.

 

I just miss that, I guess. And she was very beautiful, I always had a crush on her she was just so beautiful in my eyes both in her personality and her physical beauty. She had everything on my wish list..... But she screwed me over and that hurts the worst. I'm trying not to idolize, but she had a lot going for her and I felt like she was the one.

[Tmo2]

Can you say that you are still the same guy that you were when you hooked up? Did you progress, regress or stayed the same in your personal life?

[Freezingcold]

Can you say that you are still the same guy that you were when you hooked up? Did you progress, regress or stayed the same in your personal life?

 

I'd say I progressed. I felt better, like a piece was missing. I'm on track with myself I'm happy with myself (well I was) then she came along. Someone I had liked for 5 years and always had a crush on. When she came along she made my life so much happier, we did everything together. We hung out, went places, ate out at restaurants, I felt a true connection with her. I learned to love and that tenderness and caring and doing things for other people is important. I truly cared for her, I loved seeing her everyday, each new day she gave me butterflies. I honestly felt good about myself, like everything was complete. I felt loved, cared for, and like someone actually wanted and needed me. I also felt like I had someone to take care of, someone to protect and watch out for and to provide for. I loved her, she was my first love. True and honest love. I became a better person I think because I started seeing the world with someone else, getting another perspective and learning that sharing is what is important in life. That going through life alone is not what I want, without other people I wouldn't enjoy life. I really changed during that relationship, for the better I think. I learned to love, I learned to take care of someone and for once I felt like a man (Protecting someone, providing, caring for, having someone to care for me, and surprising her and seeing her smile).

[na49]

It's still very early for you, so don't beat yourself up for being so down on yourself. We were all in your shoes right after being broken up with. It's normal for you to miss her and the companionship.

 

You need to try to take her off of the pedestal you have her on. She was NOT all that and was NOT "the one". She pissed you off during the relationship, she didn't have your back at times during the relationship, and she was not as loyal as you thought she was. She did things behind your back and didn't once consider how you'd feel about them. If she did consider how you felt, she didn't care about you and did them anyway.

 

I also know how it feels to be the "nice guy" and get stepped on and pushed aside for it. I always had good intentions with my ex and did anything and everything I could to make her happy even if she didn't realize it. The reality is that being too nice is what gets you hurt. We can't understand how we can be so good to someone only to have them spit in our face. You can't trust anyone too much because in the end you can't control them, or stop them from doing whatever they want.

 

Don't wait for her to come back, and no matter what you do. DO NOT try being her friend. She may try pulling this on you to ease her guilt. The biggest mistake you can make is trying to be friends with someone you still have feelings for. You'll get your fix right away and be satisfied because you have her back again. You will want her back still and tell yourself that this is your ticket in. It isn't. While it may not bother her to be your friend because she's over you, she'll also get an ego boost. It will kill you because you aren't over her, trust me on this. I thought I was ready to be my exes friend, turns out I wasn't. There were still hard feelings between us and I dug myself into a bigger hole which I am now digging out of. Stay NC and don't check her facebook or twitter or anything. If you haven't blocked her on them, do that. Nothing you see will help you get any better. Do you want to know that she is over you and loving life without you? Probably not, so try to stay strong.

 

also don't tell yourself that she is the reason why you are happy. You can make yourself happy, this is all about you now.

[Freezingcold]

It's also jealousy too.... I just love her, and feel like her going back to her ex is stupid. I feel betrayed and jealous. I just don't want her going anywhere else.

 

I mean the thought of her having sex with anyone but me, or kissing anyone but me or telling anyone else that she loves them hurts and sucks. I'm jealous ontop of all the rest and it hurts.