porn on husband's computer

[sally]

Hi,

 

I've recently find a porn video on my husband's computer. How to deal with this? Our sex live has been really awful lately. Maybe he's just looking for new ideas? Please help. I don't know what to make of it...

[Rina]

I've recently find a porn video on my husband's computer. How to deal with this?

 

This seems to be a popular topic of complaint with women

 

on the forum. As I said to a post below, don't contront

 

him in an accusatory tone because that will just make him

 

more closed. You have to treat this with a sense of humour

 

and positive curiousity. All people should be entitled to

 

have their own private fantasies, and if they happen to

 

be porn sites on the internet, it is better than actually

 

having an affair, and I tell you that most men like to

 

look at porn material. The most efficient way to deal

 

with this is to 'join' him and look at material together

 

with him, and try to make this an enhancement to your

 

sex life.

 

Our sex live has been really awful lately. Maybe he's just

 

looking for new ideas?

 

Probably. I hate to say this, but people get bored with the same person all the time, especially (unfortunately) men, and many times a new body excites them. It is just human nature, so that is why us women have to work twice as hard to be creative and sexy for our men so they won't ever get tired of us. You have to be in top erotic shape mentally and physically if you want to stay the number one preference of desire for your mate.

[sally]

How do I talk to him about it. I saw it on his computer while we were talking and later on I went on his computer to check it out. How can I say that to him? It's an invasion of his privacy in a way.

[Rina]

How do I talk to him about it. I saw it on his computer while we were talking and later on I went on his computer to check it out. How can I say that to him? It's an invasion of his privacy in a way.

If you already saw it on his computer when you were talking I don't see why it would be so hard to casually mention that you happened to notice the site and wanted to check it out. Say you didn't want to be nosey, but were just curious to see what kind of pictures he was looking at, adding that you would like to share these erotic fantasies with him.

[Tony T]

Excellent response. I'd like to see his collection myself.

[allison]

What would your husband do if you showed him a porno with an enormous penis and tell him that you fantasize over this because you are bored with him? Men have fragile ego's and this would crush him just as it hurts you when he lusts after other women. Do not accept the world's standards of what is beautiful. As his wife he has made a committment to be faithful to YOU! You are the last person on his mind when he is watching this. Your husband has a responsibility to communicate with you about your sex life. His behaviour is not natural or normal it is a stereotype that men and women use to excuse this behaviour. Men use it because they are pigs who do not want to evolve and women use it to salvage their fragile self esteem.

[Deejette]

Husbands and wives should be able to talk to each other about everything. It is not outrageous for you to question him about why he is going to those porn sites. Is he using your family funds to get into some of them?

 

I wouldn't like it if my husband or boyfriend were doing this. But it is kind of like looking at pictures in Playboy. Where it goes over the line is when he starts calling the girls or cybering with them. Then I would bring the situation to a crisis and tell him to bring it on home to me or get out.