onlyhuman Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 I live in a typical suburb.My wife and I although friendly have always seperated our personal life from our neighbors.In the last week a married man who is on our street has come over 3 times for a beer on our porch.I immediately felt uncomfortable, his wife and kids have not been around for at least a month and I just got the feeling something was not right. Well last week my wife calls me at work to let me know Mr X dropped by when I was not home and said he will drop by again.That day at 4:30 I called home and said I'd be home in an hour, my wife said she would make dinner and then we would go to the movie's. Well,, when I got home my wife was nowhere to be found and I get a note saying, meet Mr X and I at a local bar. I did not go to the bar, I phoned and told her I did not want to go to a bar with this guy and I would like her to come home, she did. I found this unsettling, I have two distinct issues, one with my wife and one with Mr X. My wife should not have gone out with another man and basicly stood me up.Although I was invited to meet them I have no wish at all to befriend this guy.My second issue is with Mr X , he should not be inviting my wife out for a drink with out me present.We do not know this guy at all, the issue would be totally different with a known friend. I discussed this issue with my wife, she claims that she tried to explain that she did not want to go, Mr X was very aggressive.I explained I was hurt and that I felt that this was all wrong. I have not spoken to Mr X yet, he seemed to get the hint when I phoned my wife I was upset, he seems to have disappeared. Am I wrong? Am I to old fashioned? I would never do this to my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 If my husband said he was going to have dinner ready for me when I got home and then we would go to the movie and when I got home he had a note on the door saying meet him at X bar to have a drink with the woman neighbor down the road, I would be a little peeved. I would feel it were inconsiderate of my feelings considering we had plans already and he basically ditched me for the neighbor. Now, if my husband and I didn't have plans and he said the neighbor was stopping by at X time and when I arrived home he left a note for me to meet him at a bar where he was with the neighbor I don't think I'd be too upset. My husband can have a drink with our neighbors and shouldn't feel like he's not allowed to make friends with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyhuman Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 Yes we had plans, I confirmed them before I left work. MrX is someone we have only met 2 or 3 times,I felt uncomfortable with him because he is overly aggressive and quite simply I do not trust him.Sometimes you can talk with people and you know they are not saying everything, there was something suspicious about him, I do not make friends with this type. When your a bit older(40 something) from experience you choose your friends more carefully then when you were 20. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 I agree with you. It's not right. Link to post Share on other sites
davisp775 Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hello, I agree you have a right to feel very upset. I see a huge problem with your wife. She said she did not want to go but this man was aggressive so she went with him to a bar and stood you up? What if he had been aggressive about having sex? Would she have said I do not want to but since you are so aggressive about this I guess I will have sex with you? First, this guy should not be coming to your house. Second, she should have told him No and get lost because she wishes to be with you for dinner. Her decision to leave you before you got home and go to a bar with a man she hardly knows is extremely humiliating and disrespectful to you. How can you wife not understand this? Why can you wife not say no? Something does not smell right here. In short, I would be extremely hurt and upset by her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Definitely not cool. I say talk to your wife and let her know it bothers you to have him over when your not home. Also that it upset you that she stood you up and then you need to walk on over to Mr. X's house and tell him how you feel as well. If you keep it inside the problem is going to remain that..a problem. You need to let him know that there are boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Usually, when someone is extremely defensive, they have something to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyhuman Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 Thank you for the quick response's. I will speak to Mr X and let him know I do not think his actions were apropriate, I will also let him know he is no longer welcome. I felt I was right on this one , but occasionally sometimes everyone second guess's themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyhuman Posted August 9, 2004 Author Share Posted August 9, 2004 My wife and I hashed this one out big time. Everything David said I said to my wife.She apologized and explained she made a big mistake and was truly remorsefull.Her explanation was that she thought I would not mind?? Once I asked her how she would feel if I went out with someone's wife it hit home, I really think this was a case of bad judgement.I know I have done some things in the marriage unintentional that have been hurtfull, I am glad I can forgive and be forgiven.I am not stupid,this is one of those things that will register for a long time, I do not want to hold it over her though, she apologized, I believe her, and its done. Link to post Share on other sites
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