gaining self-confidence

[the_opposite_sex]

my b/f just told me last night that he cant be w/ someone who isn't confident in themselves. We were in the midst of arguing when he told me that. Even tho we're fine now, i'm seeing how important it is for me to gain confidence. My thread "overcoming jealousy and insecurity" was a common thread, come to find out. I only got 2 responses from it. But i'm really desperate for advice, thats why i keep making threads on here. I asked my b/f how he became confident *b/c he's a bigger guy*, and he said that i had ALOT to do w/ it b/c of how much i love him.

 

So any advice? or does it just kinda fall into the "jealousy" category?

[Barby]

You should try and gain self confidence because YOU feel you need it, not to keep your boyfriend around. I think no matter who you are it is a big turn-off to have a needy partner that can't accept the fact that you love them or feel that they are not enough for you.

 

 

Where does your lack of self esteem stem from? Where you a total outcast in high school? Were you picked on badly? Is there something in your past that you can pinpoint to figure out why you feel so insecure?

 

If so then that's where you should start, none of us on here know you so we can't tell you what your problem is or how to fix it. We can assist you once you figure out why you are like you are then from there you can take steps to improve.

[the_opposite_sex]

i'm not wanting to improve myself JUST for my b/f. I'm doing it for ME. I didnt understand who you were referring to, my b/f or I, but i'm the "bad" partner in this relationship, not him. He asks nothing else of me besides that I change the way I feel about myself. I never had a lot of friends in school, starting in Jr. High. I don't know why. I was never picked on though. I never knew my biological father either. My step dad(s) have called me names like "dumb" or "stupid" and that i have no sense, and i believed them b/c they were so much older then me and probly knew more then i did. I've always went by what other ppl say to me or do, rather then goin by my own judgement of myself. I hope you all understand, i tried to word it the best i could.

[Barby]

I totally understood what you were saying. Sorry I guess I wasn't as clear as I thought I was in my post. I didn't think either of you were the "bad" partner! I don't think having a low self esteem makes you a bad partner nor a bad person...but it could be annoying to your BF to have to compliment you or make you feel good about yourself when you are feeling insecure, he may feel that your feelings of security about yourself should come from within.

 

I thought it sounded like you wanted to improve your self esteem because he said he couldn't be with someone who didn't have self confidence.

 

Someone calling you dumb or saying you didn't have much sense would be hard on one's self image. I understand (for some reason if though I'm still not sure why) that NOT knowing your biological father well or not having him in your life can really affect the way your relationships with men go and they way you tend to trust them. I think some where deep down those of us who deal with this have a fear that our partners will leave us as our fathers did. (I could be wrong).

 

I have to ask...which one are you in the pic? (i'm merely curious)

[the_opposite_sex]

notice my signature

[Barby]

Sorry I didn't notice that before...and yes your saying is correct, you can make him trustworthy but trusting him.

 

 

But no matter how much or how little you trust someone in the end only they are the ones that control themselves so it's best to trust them and not push them away and make them not want to be with you. If he doesn't give you a reason to doubt him and not trust him them you should believe in his love for you.