sparkle16 Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Okay so this kinda long but need to get it off my chest. So back in 2008 I met this guy on OKCUPID, I knew he was married but started talking to him anyways. So at the time I was married, my ex was cheating on me. Well we met in person but nothing really happened just a kiss. We talked off an on an text and only saw each other a couple times, but still nothing happened. So here it is 4 years of just texting an we decided to meet in person hadn't seen each other in over a year but the attraction is still there. So I am currently divorced an in a relationship going on 2 years. This guy is still married but cant stay away from me. So we have been meeting twice a week for over a month. I haven't had sex with him but I know we are close. I am falling hard for this guy but I know he is never going to leave his wife. I know a lot of men are unhappy with their marriages an stay cause its cheaper to keep her. I really want to be with him.......I am so confused... we only see each other early morning before he goes to work. An he never messages me I always have to message him first. Ladies what should I do. I know if he wasn't married we would be together. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 I find the guys get really frustrated, cranky and critical when they don't get the sex. And they keep chasing us, but refuse to leave their wives. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Rich girl....LOL. Married men (especially the ones who go online to snag their prey) aren't looking to get divorced. You're wasting your time. And I would bet a year's salary you're not his only online girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkle16 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Yah he says he never gets any attention or sex at home. I know he is probably lieing, but I really enjoy just spending time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 I think there are lots of these intimate comfort friendship relationships out there. The problem is you can't take him to events, you can't call him to come get you out of a mess, he can't help you put together a retirement. You are going to fall in love with his kids and never get to meet them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkle16 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Yes it sucks not being able to go out in public. He doesn't even talk about his home life just work. Its just nice sitting an talking over coffee and talking about other stuff. My boyfriend an I always fight about my kids, my ex and money so my other guy is a nice escape. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 You have a BF that you fight with and are falling for a married man who never calls you first? What are you doing with your life???! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkle16 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Um trying to be HAPPY.....after being in a abusive marriage for 10 years..... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Um trying to be HAPPY.....after being in a abusive marriage for 10 years..... How is the situation you're in making you happy exactly? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Um trying to be HAPPY.....after being in a abusive marriage for 10 years..... Then divorce. Or break up with your boyfriend. Not sure if you were married and divorced, now seeing someone else, that boyfriend and you two fight? Why not end it first, focus on healing and allowing yourself to be on your own for a while, be with your kids, family and good friends? Dating a MM is only asking for heartache and more hurt into your life. Sure, it feels good to get attention, but at what expense? Choosing to have an affair is going to mess you up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 I would say run don't walk, if you can avoid the heartache then do it. I'm almost 7 years in and although I love my mm and yes I know he loves me! If I had to do it over again I would never let myself fall in love with a mm. I'm glad he is in my life but trust me there is plenty of heartache for all involved, as you fall deeper and deeper for him it just hurts all that much more. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Okay so this kinda long but need to get it off my chest. So back in 2008 I met this guy on OKCUPID, I knew he was married but started talking to him anyways. So at the time I was married, my ex was cheating on me. Well we met in person but nothing really happened just a kiss. We talked off an on an text and only saw each other a couple times, but still nothing happened. So here it is 4 years of just texting an we decided to meet in person hadn't seen each other in over a year but the attraction is still there. So I am currently divorced an in a relationship going on 2 years. This guy is still married but cant stay away from me. So we have been meeting twice a week for over a month. I haven't had sex with him but I know we are close. I am falling hard for this guy but I know he is never going to leave his wife. I know a lot of men are unhappy with their marriages an stay cause its cheaper to keep her. I really want to be with him.......I am so confused... we only see each other early morning before he goes to work. An he never messages me I always have to message him first. Ladies what should I do. I know if he wasn't married we would be together. 4 years of texting. Married and never leaving. You only see him in the early morning before work. He only answers your messages but never messages you first. I'd say this is not the making of a love story at all. You deserve waaaaay more than this frankly. This is mediocre at best.... It doesn't matter if he wasn't married...he IS. No sense discussing some non-existent hypothetical situation. Stick to the reality of what is. If he wasn't married you MAY or MAY NOT end up together. If he wasn't married he still might be one of those single guys who isn't that into you, but when you text him he answers, he might see you, have sex with you but he's not in love with you or making much effort at all. So don't count on what would happen IF...focus on what is happening now. It doesn't seem that great. Please pull away and don't continue falling for him. That's what I'd do. I've been hurt before by investing in situations not worth it at all. I've learned my lesson. I have my standards, I deserve a man who makes time for me, who I'm not in some compartmentalized part of his life, who prioritizes me, who respects me, who loves me, who wants to be with me and doesn't just want it but puts in work for it. Anything less than that is unacceptable and I bow out before I get too caught up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Even if he wasn't married he'd still be a inferior choice. What a time waster - but you're allowing it. Ditch the abusive Bf too. You need to work on your self esteem and self respect. Set a solid boundary. And get high expectations about how others should treat you. We train people how to treat us. You've trained your men to treat you poorly. You can change that. Please hurry! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkle16 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Okay to the last three pots I am leaving my MM and going to focus on my BF.thank you. for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Okay to the last three pots I am leaving my MM and going to focus on my BF.thank you. for your advice Easier said than done though? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Far easier said than done. More than likely you'll go right back to him as soon as he sends you an "I miss you" text. Understand he had you right where he wanted you. He didn't have to chase you, you chased him. He knows he has you wrapped around his finger and is patiently waiting to seal the deal, and right after you do give it up to him, you probably won't even get a response to your texts, not unless he wants to take another dip in the sparkle pool. Hopefully you'll take this serious and leave the dude alone, you're just setting yourself up for more abuse, albeit psychological. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 Um trying to be HAPPY.....after being in a abusive marriage for 10 years..... Most of the time we are happy or unhappy because of good and bad decisions we have made. Your unhappy state is likely related to your bad decisions. You picked the abusive men and refused to see the red flags. Now you are seeking happiness with a philanderer. A cheating married man that is good at lying to women and telling them what they want to hear. You keep making the same mistake. You are trying to be happy and as a happiness seeker you are a perfect target for a philanderer. To avoid being victimized I suggest you learn how to be happy on your own rather than expecting the philandering man, your BF, or any other man to make you happy. No one can make another person happy all the time. At some point even the nicest man in the planet will fail and not make you happy. However, if you are intrinsically happy you don't even notice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 (edited) I am sure you have heard of the friend zone. You are in the OW zone. Even if he did leave *read that as his wife kicked his sorry POS butt out*, it is likely that he would find a new relationship hoping to keep you as his OW. Glad to hear that you are dumping him. You are dumping him, right? ETA: If he is unhappy in his marriage, perhaps he should try to fix that. His happiness is his responsibility and comes from within. Some people that have everything they ever wanted sex, money, a beautiful wife, family, etc still cheat. Tell me why that is. Edited December 1, 2012 by awkward 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Okay to the last three pots I am leaving my MM and going to focus on my BF.thank you. for your advice I think you should focus on yourself frankly.... I think the biggest mistake many women (and men) make is using relationships to avoid themselves, then they wonder how come they are so "unlucky" and always end up in unsatisfactory situations. Relationships don't fix your problems....they just compound them. I have to echo amaysngrace's question about "what are you doing with your life???"...it's true. You're ping-ponging between men who aren't worth it...neither your bf or this MM seem like prize catches. However, I'm not sure if you realize this and I'm not sure things will get better for you until you think about your relationship patterns and what's not working in them and how perhaps your own beliefs and behaviors make you attract and desire attention from such men. It seems like a common theme that many women who've been in abusive relationships find a MM to be a step up...and don't see how this is also a problematic relationship. I don't think anyone goes through a decade of abuse unscathed. Usually attempts at "being happy" are very shallow as all that weighs on you and affects how you present and view yourself and who you attract. I'm so sorry for what you went through, but I'm a big believer that one has to attempt healing, and not just finding "a new man"...as without healing you'll find a "new man" who repeats some of the dysfunction, unavailability, abuse, ill-treatment, lack of care etc that you were used to versus a decent guy. Edited December 2, 2012 by MissBee 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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