Doubting my own paternity: Should I look for answers?

[lukas]

My father passed away about four years ago and I have long been curious as to whether he actually was my biological father, something I have wondered since I was a teenager. I look nothing like him, far more similar to my mother, but despite my supposedly pure northern European ancestry I have very dark skin, to the point that people often mistake me for Greek, Turkish etc...

 

My mother once told me I was unplanned and that there was only one possible occasion I could have been conceived as my father went on a trip for business shortly after. When I was 16 or 17, my father, in all his wisdom, told me that he had suspicious about my mothers fidelity due to having found love poetry she had written addressed to another man, and that when he confronted her about it that said material suddenly vanished. Moreover, he told me that they had not had sex since my little brother was born (he's about a year younger than me).

 

These events supposedly occurred shortly after I was born. They had a very unhappy marriage with considerable amounts of fighting. Throughout my childhood they would sleep in separate bedrooms and constantly fight. My mother would also often come home quite late.

 

My mother is not aware that I know about my late father's suspicions as I have never mentioned it and has naively tried to comfort me when I've dealt with infidelity claiming not to understand how someone could ever do such a thing, something I find to be completely absurd.

 

I'm wondering whether I should test my brother who looks like our father and our half-sisters from his first marriage, or whether I should just keep my mouth shut and let sleeping dogs lie.

[SensitiveTJ]

If you have reasonable suspicions, I don't see any reason why you should not investigate your paternity. Unless your planning on living with these doubts in your mind forever, which is neither likely nor healthy. Given the information you provided...well, like I said. Are you going to live your whole life wondering?

 

 

I think it goes without saying that this issue is going to be a big deal within your family. Good luck with that part of it.

[YorickBrown]

I am struggling with that same question you have but at a much deeper level perhaps and more complicated time, and we are the opposite ends of doubting paternity.

 

But even though we are at opposite ends, I feel as we may have the same feelings of misery or loneliness and a profound sense of ---i have no exact word for it right now, but "loss"...perhaps in your case, being "lost" and left behind. The choice seems easy enough to satisfy your curiousity and peace of mind, but its really easier said than done right?

I am actually hoping you would. In any case, I feel you should go do it but as discretely as possible. It can be a life-changing moment for you and your family.

 

If you do the test, what if it shows that you are not the biological son of your late father? Will you try to look for your biological father?