Norse Posted December 1, 2012 Share Posted December 1, 2012 I met my wife two years ago at work but was with someone else at the time. After we split up and I started seeing a few other people eventually I messaged my current wife on Facebook and asked to meet her. After a few days together I asked her out and after a week moved in with her. Then after three weeks or so we decided to get married. We've been married almost two months now. At the start of it all she blew up my facebook wall posting about how much she loved me, how wonderful I was etc etc, I was constantly late for work because she wouldn't let me out of bed in the mornings... Trouble started a few nights after we got married, she told me I was always doing stuff to make her mad. My little habits like biting my nails really irritated her. It got worse over time and it got to the point where she would sit and criticize and nitpick everything I did from how my hair looked to how my shoes are "too big". At one point in time I asked her why she felt the need to belittle me and criticize everything I did and she said because it made her look bad if I didn't dress and look a certain way. I bodybuild as a hobby and there was a time she told me that I was the better looking out of the two of us, and now she tells me I'm flabby and I treat her bad and i'm not the same person she married. Keep in mind she has two kids ages 2 and 4 who I have taken on as my own kids and do everything from feed them to getting them ready for school while she sits and reads books, I also do all of the chores around the house and drive us to and from work which she offers no gas money. She also will not let me eat because she wants me to only eat healthy food but we don't have anything healthy at the house currently. So I've been hiding some food in the bottom of the trunk of my car where the spare tire goes so she wont yell at me about it. Another example is just the other day when she approached me at work and asked about being swingers... I don't know if this was a serious question or not but she went on to says he wasn't thinking about it but some day she might cheat on me. I asked her why not just leave me if you feel the need to cheat and she said that defeated the purpose of cheating. I also know she has broken up two marriages, she told me that herself. If you haven't guessed it by now we aren't physical on any level we have no physical contact what so ever. She doesn't hug, kiss, or EVER tell me she loves me even when I say it first. In fact she said she was no loner in love with me. I try to sit and take her criticism and comments with a grin on the chin and not say anything but it's hard to sit and take that and I retaliate and I've told her many times "I don't bite unless bitten" I'm good as gold to her but when she sits and belittles me it hurts and makes me angry so I say something back which just angers her to the point she will curse and yell out at me in public. The other day at work while having lunch with our friends we were into it and I eventually called her stupid and she told me she would rather be beat than have someone call her that. One of the coworkers sitting at the table later approached me and told me if that was his wife he would have said "well when we get back to the house we can change that real quick". Another one of my co-workers told me he would give her the bird and leave if that was his girlfriend. She told me at the early points in our relationship before we got married that she was bipolar and had many different sides, of course girls have told me this for years and none of them were what they said so I thought the same with her. She told me she should probably be on medicine but if she got pregnant she would have to be taken off of it and would act more worse than when she was on it. I think a lot of her past has made her this way she has been into drugs really bad most of her previous relationships have been with drug abusers. Her brother told me the first day he met me he knew I was a genuine guy. I haven't nor ever will do drugs. And since we've been together she hasn't been doing drugs believe me because I've been stuck up her butt 24/7 as she says. I've been giving my 110% since the start of this relationship and I just want to make their lives better and keep the drugs away from them. And I never have nor ever will physically or verbally abuse her . The guy she had kids with did verbally and physically abuse her and she told me she respects him because he made her stronger and "he only beat her while she was pregnant". So I feel like the environment she has been in has made her this way. I just don't know what to do to make this marriage work. Currently I'm staying with relatives and we are going through a "time apart" phase. I just don't know what to do to make this work... open to suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I would leave her personally 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I met my wife two years ago at work but was with someone else at the time. After we split up and I started seeing a few other people eventually I messaged my current wife on Facebook and asked to meet her. After a few days together I asked her out and after a week moved in with her. Then after three weeks or so we decided to get married. We've been married almost two months now. I'm confused by the timeline. You met her two years ago but have been married less than two months? And since the "Trouble started a few nights after we got married", you've had 22 months of relative bliss and 2 months of "trouble" ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 This was your thread started in September - so how long have you been married? Or was this your other woman? So I have been talking with this girl about 2 months now. Finally after countless failed attempts to meet up with her on her part... we did, everything went well. Had a great date and everything clicked, and there was no awkward moments, hit a "home run" on the very first date. She ended up texting me back first the next morning, we've just been texting since. I keep trying to meet up with her again, but I'm having no luck, she's always has some kind of reason she can't, and believe me I've formulated a lot of possibilities on why that is in my mind. I get a lot of mixed signals because she seems interested, tells me I'm very sweet, great, calls me pet names etc... however when I go to meet up with her she always has some reason she can't. I don't know if it's all about the chase as they say but it seems like I'm doing all the chasing, one day for the laugh of it I didn't text her at all and sure enough she did text me first... However I figure maybe she got the wrong impression of me considering we hit a "home run" on the first date? I figured I would explain that to her that I was genuinely interested in her beyond that. I was considering asking her what she thought/felt about me since she always asks me what I feel about her... I'm just looking for some advice on what I should be doing, or where I'm going wrong. I'm so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Norse Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Sorry for the confusion. We started dating and went to married within a months time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 This was your thread started in September - so how long have you been married? Or was this your other woman? It would help if you answered 2sunny's question. You started a thread in the Dating section about sleeping with a woman on the first date. Who is she ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 He hasn't answered if that was while he was dating his wife - or if he dated and bedded some gal while he was newly married. Which is it? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Married 2 months and you dated your wife one month before marrying her - your posts from September 10th don't equate to this being your wife back in Sept. Something's not right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Norse Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Sorry... we got married 10/11/12 we dated only 2 or 3 weeks before we got married. I can hardly think right anymore.... Edited December 3, 2012 by Norse Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Assuming everything you've said is true (*), which I'm questioning, then this marriage is a disaster and should be terminated immediately. (*) Newlyweds in hideous conflict, secret eating (!?), threats of cheating and beating, history of multiple marriages destroyed, lack of sex and love, insults, etc. All after just 2 months....really??!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Sorry... we got married 10/11/12 we dated only 2 or 3 weeks before we got married. I can hardly think right anymore.... Come on Norse, be straight with us. You've got nothing to lose . If you met her late September and only dated her a couple of weeks before tying the knot, how did all this below happen in the last six or seven weeks ??? I met my wife two years ago at work but was with someone else at the time. After we split up and I started seeing a few other people eventually I messaged my current wife on Facebook and asked to meet her. After a few days together I asked her out and after a week moved in with her. Then after three weeks or so we decided to get married. We've been married almost two months now. At the start of it all she blew up my facebook wall posting about how much she loved me, how wonderful I was etc etc, I was constantly late for work because she wouldn't let me out of bed in the mornings... Trouble started a few nights after we got married, she told me I was always doing stuff to make her mad. My little habits like biting my nails really irritated her. It got worse over time and it got to the point where she would sit and criticize and nitpick everything I did from how my hair looked to how my shoes are "too big". At one point in time I asked her why she felt the need to belittle me and criticize everything I did and she said because it made her look bad if I didn't dress and look a certain way. I bodybuild as a hobby and there was a time she told me that I was the better looking out of the two of us, and now she tells me I'm flabby and I treat her bad and i'm not the same person she married. Keep in mind she has two kids ages 2 and 4 who I have taken on as my own kids and do everything from feed them to getting them ready for school while she sits and reads books, I also do all of the chores around the house and drive us to and from work which she offers no gas money. She also will not let me eat because she wants me to only eat healthy food but we don't have anything healthy at the house currently. So I've been hiding some food in the bottom of the trunk of my car where the spare tire goes so she wont yell at me about it. Another example is just the other day when she approached me at work and asked about being swingers... I don't know if this was a serious question or not but she went on to says he wasn't thinking about it but some day she might cheat on me. I asked her why not just leave me if you feel the need to cheat and she said that defeated the purpose of cheating. I also know she has broken up two marriages, she told me that herself. If you haven't guessed it by now we aren't physical on any level we have no physical contact what so ever. She doesn't hug, kiss, or EVER tell me she loves me even when I say it first. In fact she said she was no loner in love with me. I try to sit and take her criticism and comments with a grin on the chin and not say anything but it's hard to sit and take that and I retaliate and I've told her many times "I don't bite unless bitten" I'm good as gold to her but when she sits and belittles me it hurts and makes me angry so I say something back which just angers her to the point she will curse and yell out at me in public. The other day at work while having lunch with our friends we were into it and I eventually called her stupid and she told me she would rather be beat than have someone call her that. One of the coworkers sitting at the table later approached me and told me if that was his wife he would have said "well when we get back to the house we can change that real quick". Another one of my co-workers told me he would give her the bird and leave if that was his girlfriend. She told me at the early points in our relationship before we got married that she was bipolar and had many different sides, of course girls have told me this for years and none of them were what they said so I thought the same with her. She told me she should probably be on medicine but if she got pregnant she would have to be taken off of it and would act more worse than when she was on it. I think a lot of her past has made her this way she has been into drugs really bad most of her previous relationships have been with drug abusers. Her brother told me the first day he met me he knew I was a genuine guy. I haven't nor ever will do drugs. And since we've been together she hasn't been doing drugs believe me because I've been stuck up her butt 24/7 as she says. I've been giving my 110% since the start of this relationship and I just want to make their lives better and keep the drugs away from them. And I never have nor ever will physically or verbally abuse her . The guy she had kids with did verbally and physically abuse her and she told me she respects him because he made her stronger and "he only beat her while she was pregnant". So I feel like the environment she has been in has made her this way. I just don't know what to do to make this marriage work. Currently I'm staying with relatives and we are going through a "time apart" phase. I just don't know what to do to make this work... open to suggestions... Doesn't make sense... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 So...you're married now and have only been married a short time and you're having significant problems. Have you thought about a marriage psychologist? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I know it's too late for this, but lesson for next time is to wait at least a year before marriage. You two are still practically strangers and there is already a ton of issues. I would suggest marriage counseling, but honestly you don't know her well enough to see how likely it is that she will change. Link to post Share on other sites
Ielz Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 You didn't even have a honeymoon stage..There's nothing to save.. Don't get yourself sink deeper. Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Norse Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 She called me up yesterday and apparently her and her brother pulled $1,600 dollars together and they got a house "without my help" and moved "without my help". And since I walked out on her when she got evicted "the hardest part of her life" which in my opinion causing someone o.d. on pain pills should have been the hardest time in her life, she doesn't really care if things work out. She said people at work were asking her if she was sad since I left and she told them no and she didn't really care. She also told me if I walked out the door I would never come back a while ago and she was sure to bring that up in our phone conversation. I told her she had to stop being this way and bringing different men in and out of her children's life and that it's not good on them. She went on to say all kinds of dudes have been calling her since I left and I'm the only person her kids called dad other than their biological father. She told me she would have never left him if he didn't try killing her children, and she respected him because his beating her and abusing her made her a stronger person. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 It's over. Unless you are the biological/adoptive father to any of her kids, you get zero say so. Move on with your life. What possible excuse can exist to ever have contact w this woman or her kids? Not saying a breakup is easy, we all know there is pain in loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 She told me she would have never left him if he didn't try killing her children, and she respected him because his beating her and abusing her made her a stronger person. The different levels of insanity contained in this statement alone should tell you everything you need to know. As others have said, run !!! Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Because women have been in abusive relationships and have done drugs and whatever else that happened in the past ...is exactly that....the past......doesn't give a woman the right to be controlling, be abusive verbally or physically towards anyone....that is where therapy comes in....to take that negative social and personal interaction and deal with it.....i haven't had it easy in my past.....what i do know is that i can see positive interactions and know how to have positive interactions....when i have negative interactions with people again i am not the one instigating it normally and if i were to be snappy or angry i am not going to blame it on my past......and i apologize when i do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing.....i am never cruel....i defend myself though... you are in an abusive relationship when you dont need to be...... if you want to save the marriage be strongly for therapy for your wife she needs it........your wife should appreciate the fact you are trying to have a loving supportive relationship with her because of her past and work her ass off to show you she appreciates the fact that you are not like her exes she should want to have counseling to work it out....for you now too because you are suffering with her controlling and abusive behavior....i would so completely understand you wanting to give up on this marriage.......if you want to save it after two months of total relationship killers of behaviors and attitude..... i feel a third party a neutral therapist would have to be involved to work through the issues she is carrying into a new relationship....doesnt sound like she has had therapy at all....she belittles you and abuses you and controls you....no person however ****ed up their past is deserves to have right of way to continue to treat another person badly.....it doesnt matter what she has been through......she doesnt have the right to make someone else feel the same because she has felt like crap or been treated like crap.....abuse and control is just not on for a relationship to last she should appreciate the good after being through the bad and work her ass off to respect it and keep it..that means facing her own behaviors....and making a change.. thats my opinion......or you should leave if she is not willing to see her flaws and change them....and you should not put up with them or have to put up with them....best of luck........deb Link to post Share on other sites
passingbreeze Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 Norse, I hope that you run, don't walk but RUN, for the nearest exit! If you're telling the truth, your wife is a real nut case! I don't like to sound mean, but she is definitely not acting like your average newlywed! You had better get out of there quick, or you're going to be sorry. She sounds like the type who will deliberately get pregnant, just so she can be in total control. Link to post Share on other sites
Michal2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I think that you can save your marriage if your make some afford. Link to post Share on other sites
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