bleedinglover Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Yea, umm, see a few years ago, my ex and I broke up. Just recently we began talking again and sneaking around at night to see eachother. My parents hate him, but I love him to death. It was my fault, well more my parents' fault that we broke up. I had many illnesses that he wasn't ready to handle (which is understandable) and my parents made him feel worthless as well as they did to his parents. It was ridiculous. Even then they forbade us to see eachother except for at school. Well now, he's in college and I'm going to be a senior. It kinda sucks that we have to sneak around, but I enjoy the second chance that he's giving me. I've worked so hard to become healthier and all, mostly because I wanted him to love me again. But once I got back in my right state of mind, I realized that that may never happen, but it did. I don't understand why, but when his g/f broke up with him, I was there for him and have been ever since. He holds me and kisses me and tells me he loves me. He doesn't say it all the time, which is somewhat understandable due to the reason that we are not really dating at this time and he doesn't want to pressure me, but my question is does he really love me? or am I just a rebound? We were together for 8 months before and he said that he always thought about me and talked about me with his friends (but never his g/f) when he was dating another girl. One of his college friends even told me that that is true. So could he realy love me again, or am i just a rebound? Please help me out. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Why do your parents hate him? What are they trying to protect you from? -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author bleedinglover Posted August 10, 2004 Author Share Posted August 10, 2004 Ummm, Uriel, this is in response to you...my parents hate him because he's bi and once was gothic, but is no longer. They don't know he's not gothic anymore, or rather don't believe me when I say that he isn't (yes I have told them that I've seen recent pics of him). My parents are extremely prejidous. They dislike anyone who is not like them...literally, no joking. So therefore, I spose they don't really like me. It's kinda sad, but true. It's just fine with me though. I just would like them to give him a second chance since he's giving me one. He even told me that he would really like my parents to approve of him. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I understand. Too bad they're prejudiced against bisexuality. Don't know how they found out about this, unless he told them about some guy he'd been seeing. If you told them, you should have known better! That's a definite generational divide. As for the Goth, I myself have had a penchant for Goth (actually an earlier form of it that intersected with Punk), but get why it gets big reactions for those on the outside. It's whole look and feel is partly intended to do that (like Bikers with their leather chaps and tattoos). The get-up says outlaw. But, the inner attraction has something to do with dark feelings, too -- melancholy, dissatisfaction, and even a sort of sensitivity that outsiders don't seem to share (I'm admitting this of myself at the time). I think your folks have some reason to be concerned about the Goth dimension, since it's more than just a fashion statement. Although, mine would have freaked at blue hair or a nose ring or anything like that -- or your parents probably would, too. They don't know what it means and that worries them (must be bad). They want you to share their "safe" values. It's also very common for family and friends even without these prejudices to see their daughter getting emotionally hurt and hear her bad stories about the boyfriend, and then never be willing to forgive him. They just want him gone for good and see her as deluded by love if she forgives him and tries to work things out. That could also be a factor here. I'm going to recommend something risky. Consider having your ex write a letter to your folks explaining that he understands they don't want him to date you, but he'd like a second shot since he's done some growing up at college. Have him request an interview with them -- and then have him come as he is, as you say -- the new, improved him. Explain to your parents that the values he has that scare them are also yours to a degree, and that you hope they'll meet with him as a sign to you that they love and accept you unconditionally. Tell them you would rather have them a part of your life now, when you are still living with them, rather than your simply doing time in the home until you can get out and live differently. Be serious about this. Stay calm. And try to work it out. Show them that you've matured, too, and have a good head on your shoulders. That should take pressure off any developing relationship with him. You need that if you want to know for sure whether you two have a shot. You don't want to have to be his secret -- the girl to whom he can't admit during the light of day, the one he can't take anywhere or do anything with without looking over his shoulder and expecting a huge explosion that might take you from him. As for your original question: only time will tell if he loves you. You're not simply a rebound, because you were together before, and for some time. There's something about you that draws him to you. You've had some time to mature and, you say, work on emotional problems. He's got problems, too -- we all do. If yours were still so bad, he wouldn't have come back to test the waters for a second chance. Good luck -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts