Is it ever the same?

[dyermaker]

I'm going to spare you the falsehood and not pretend this is hypothetical.

 

Our breakup wasn't bitter or anything. In fact, I'm still playing it back in my head, wondering what happened. I'm almost afraid, reading over it again, that it looked like it was my idea.

 

If we decide to rewind and work through this, will it ever be the same?

 

What will change, if anything?

 

What do we need to do, deal with, talk about?

[moimeme]

Breakup by misunderstanding is definitely one you don't want to let stand.

 

will it ever be the same?

 

Could be better. If you misunderstood each other, it'll snap you both to attention so that you'll try harder not to do that again.

 

What will change, if anything?

 

You may actually get closer, having escaped a scary near miss.

 

What do we need to do, deal with, talk about?

 

I believe you said she doesn't like to talk about things and that she keeps things inside. That's a toughie and I haven't heard of any magic cures to persuade people to be honest about their feelings - even the bad ones - other than maybe their realizing how important it is. And you know you can't make someone understand something. And the worst of that is if they won't let you know there's a problem, you have no chance to fix it.

 

By all means, if you think you inadvertently gave her to believe that you wanted to end it, be quick about correcting the error!

[meanon]

I don't know enough about your situation to be sure, dyer. You implied that she didn't feel the same way about you as you did about her, is that right?

 

If so, no it won't be the same again. You will have lost the innocence that CG described in your other thread and the confidence in her love for you.

 

Your love for her was so strong. Many don't feel such strong love until they are older. I'm speculating:

Could it be that she just isn't ready to love that way? Once you knew it, how did she react? Did she perceive your expectations as a pressure or did she feel she simply failed to measure up?

 

I hope I'm not being too intrusive, dyer. Ignore me if I am. If I've read the situation right I think these are the things you will need to explore with her. If she still wants to be with you, you may decide you can live with the uncertainty and hope that her love will grow with maturity.

 

I think she'd still be with you if that's what she wanted but I understand the need to give it another chance - I hope it works. If it doesn't then at least you will have gained a greater degree of understanding about why it happened.

[honey2005]

I don't know much about your situation, either, but I can tell you love her very much. That alone is reason enough to give it another chance. I don't know if it can ever be the same. It may turn out to be better as moimeme said. This could end up just being a rough spot in your relationship that you overcome which will bring the two of you closer than ever before.

 

Maybe she isn't as ready for love as you are. Talk to her about it, and if that's the case, all you can do is give her time. You already know she still loves you, she told you. Maybe that scares her. You seem very mature for your age and ready to put everything you have into a relationship with someone you don't see alot but know you love, but maybe she's not.

 

I hope things work out for you, I really do. Good luck

[joeyNoelle]

Iam gathering that the breakup was semi mutual but you were the actual one who ended things, am I correct? If this is the case the reasons for the breakup need to be figured out was it just bad timing or something more sinister?

 

In any case you should first figure out if there is potential for getting back together , if there is you need to see where each of you are coming from , maybe you wnted different things from the relationship.

 

Communication is key , however how much does it suck that sometimes when you try to communicate it results in you nearly breaking up again , not because of arguing but just because sometimes too much talk is detrimental.

 

If you were the one that ended it its more or less up to you to pursue the getting back together part, anyway one thing is for sure this time round will be different.

[dyermaker]

She had been distant.

 

I wanted to make sure things were okay. She told me things were okay.

 

Later, she was still distant.

 

I told her that I loved and trusted her, and if she tells me things are okay, I'll believe her, but if there's a problem, I need to know.

 

She admits she's doubtful about it all. She needs time to figure her life out.

 

Somehow we broke up. I can't explain it, I don't know who *did* it, and I don't know how to get back to where we were.

[joeyNoelle]

It sounds like this has so far been a short term relationship where perhaps things weren't bad just akward at times is this correct?

 

Were you the one who officially said ok lets have a break or I don't know if this is going to work etc?

 

if so was it because you felt like thats what she wanted?

 

anyway i think you guys need to chat.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by joeyNoelle

It sounds like this has so far been a short term relationship where perhaps things weren't bad just akward at times is this correct?

No, incorrect--it's been about a year. Things have never been bad, nor awkward.

Were you the one who officially said ok lets have a break or I don't know if this is going to work etc?

No, it happened as I described above.

if so was it because you felt like thats what she wanted?

Something like that, yeah, but now it looks as though that's what I want. Things are so surreal, you are right--we definitely need to talk.