lost 'n alone Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Hi. I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping there will be lots of advice for me here. Here is my story...I'll try to make it as short as I can. I have had an affair with a MM for about 6 years. I moved part way across the country to be closer to him. He always said he would leave so I waited. He always said it was due to financial reasons that he wasn't leaving at the time. He had made alot of trips to fly out to see me and he had racked up high credit card bills. He works for an airline so it wasn't expensive for him to fly at all but...there were hotel bills.. 6 years passed. Resentment built up on my part and I said I was moving back to where I came from. We fought constantly at the end. He never liked it when I would go home for Christmas etc. because he would never want me going anywhere or doing anything. He hated me doing anything with my friends from home. He never wanted me doing anything with the people I met and worked with while I was living there either. He accused me of doing things that were just ridiculous! When he is being nice he made me feel like gold. When I did something that he felt was wrong...look out!!! He is the most incredibly angry man I have ever met. He says I just used him so that I could get a better job etc. He said he would leave and move here....I don't want him here. He would never do it anyway. He's still with his wife. He is vicious and the names he has called me.....I may post some of the emails he has sent me just so you can see some of the things he has said. I'm trying to get through this. People have told me that I was very brave for leaving and moving back here. I have come back just a few months ago. I have my own apartment...my phone number is unlisted so that he can't find me. This is a very very brief breakdown of what has happened. There is so much more. If there is anyone who has gone through anything like this please let me know. lost n' alone Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Um, I think the W in your situation might be "StillHurtin" - you should check out her post that she just did. Even if you're not the OW in her story, y'all should talk - you could really help each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Nic Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 If he's angry, that's his problem.If he was so angry, he should just leave his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 No more free pussy? I'd be upset too. Glad to see you finally cut through the BS and ended it. Odd that it took you so long, but kudos regardless. Just don't backslide. Kthxbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 He kept you waiting around for 6 years and he's mad at YOU? Sounds like displaced guilt to me. Good thing you got out. I feel awfully sorry for the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Brenda Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I'm not surprised he is angry. You have removed yourself from a bad situation and you are free to live your life as you wish. He has not got that freedom and I suspect that is why he is taking his anger out on you. Post his emails, I'd love to see just how hard done by he thinks he is. Stay strong, I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost 'n alone Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by Brenda I'm not surprised he is angry. You have removed yourself from a bad situation and you are free to live your life as you wish. He has not got that freedom and I suspect that is why he is taking his anger out on you. Post his emails, I'd love to see just how hard done by he thinks he is. Stay strong, I wish you luck. Here is just one email he had sent to me in June....there are lots more.... There was a festival at home and that is a time that you see lots of friends around so of course I went out with friends too!...accuses me of being gay here!!!!!!!!!!!???? .................................................................................... I hate ya and always will. I never want to deal with you again. As far as the Durnago maybe one of your friends or future dicks or pussy will have one and then you can take a ride on that...... So once again, get the hell away from me Lier and I never never want to deal with you again get lost and leave me alone a**h*** lier bitch...... You what to treat me like you did on the weekend, then do it to someone else.....I hate ya and always will. I wish i had a stronger word.....I really hope you fail in everything in life, I never had this much hate for anyone before, but I do know......... Piss off and leave me alone and go back to where you are popular and where you can be this fate person you really are....i used to think Connie was a fake but you take the cake.........Your are a real horrible person.... You will never learn, and that is why you are where you are today...... maybe one day you can convince someone or fool someone that you are a good person, but they'll realize in time your a fake.... well thanks for making me see who you really are and what you are capable of.............I'm free from you and your psycho ways of treating people wish bad things on you now and forever piss of lying bitch wth a**h***, your so full of bull**** bitch hating you forever Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 You can't be serious that you were actually involved with the author of that email! Link to post Share on other sites
Brenda Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Woah, I'm stunned to say the least. I have never read anything quite like this. You must wake up every morning and thank the Lord you are not married to this guy. Just think about his wife. He probably abuses her like this and cheats on her, and she is probably not as strong willed as you, so she puts up with it. You did the right thing moving away from him and changing your number. Don't ever get weak and give him another chance, because if you do he will continue to make your life a misery. I have to say, just reading his words made me feel scared and sick, and they were not even directed at me. There are so many nice guys out there, don't waste your times on evil ones, life is too short! I really hope it works out for you. And don't believe a word he says, because he is obviously a few bricks short of load. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost 'n alone Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Brenda, Thanks for your good wishes. When I first listed my story and then one of the many emails he sent me I felt sort of guilty. I felt like I wasn't being fair and that it was just my side of the story. Yes, he is very brutal when he gets angry. He never ever hit me or anything....I guess that way there would be the proof of bruises. That email was just the tip of the iceburg. He had threatened me before that if he goes down (meaning if he got caught) he is taking me with him. So basically if he got screwed because he got caught he would make sure I got screwed too. I have never ever met anyone sooo angry. I sometimes find myself looking in my rear view mirror when I'm driving just to see who is driving the car behind me.....he's thousands of miles away in a different province and I'm still looking over my shoulder! lost Link to post Share on other sites
Brenda Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by lost 'n alone He had threatened me before that if he goes down (meaning if he got caught) he is taking me with him. So basically if he got screwed because he got caught he would make sure I got screwed too. lost I recognise this behavior, as I am sure alot of OW who post on this forum do too. When the chips are down, all the 'you are my soul mate' stuff goes right out of the window. I know that as much as my MM professes to love me, he always reminds me of the things he knows about me. I know that this is his way of telling me it would not be worth my while to lose my head and tell his wife. He has never actually said this, but I know what he means. I think you have been badly abused by this man. Verbal abuse can be as emotionally damaging as physical abuse and you lucky to living far away from him. It may take you a while to recover, but the longer you are away from him the better you will feel about yourself. Six years is a long time to dedicate to someone who was so obviously not worth it. But try to remember the experience has made you the person you are today. By the way, I just got back from a date with a single guy. MM does not know, I told him I went out with a friend. It was a nice evening, but I don't expect it will go anywhere (I am a glass half empty person). So I suppose I will just have to continue to listen to MM's lies for a little while longer. But I have progressed because A) I have read enough on this forum to KNOW they are lies B) I am not turning down dates for fear of upsetting MM. (How many times does he take W out for dinner and not tell me about it) Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost 'n alone Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 Brenda, Has your MM tried to control you? Make sure you haven't been out seeing anyone else or had any opportunity to meet anyone so it would take you away from him? That's how it was for me. I originally worked in the travel industry and so did he. (Which I would say is probably 90% women!!!!....imagine why he stays in his dead end job!!!) When I moved there I ended up working with people who knew him and knew he was married so I had to pretend I was unattached. Then if anyone from work asked me to do anything or go anywhere I couldn't do it because he would be pissed (afraid I might meet somebody else). I never ever went anywhere! I think they thought I was weird. I'm 37 years old and have never been married. I don't come from an abusive home. I get along with my family members very well. I am continuously trying to figure out where I've gone wrong to end up in this situation. It's incredible how this has damaged how I feel about relationships. I'm afraid of all men. I'm afraid of being called the names and to be told the horrible things like he has said to me. I'm getting too old for this foolishness! lost Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 How a MM can get mad at the OW for seeing other people? Many MM still sleep with their wives. OR...even if they're not...they're having other little affairs in addition to the one they're having with the main OW. So how is it they justify getting mad at YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost 'n alone Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 Is it just me? Or are there OW who have been/are being treated this way? He says I'm just playing the victim so that I can get people to feel sorry for me ...and that if people saw me for who I truly am they would be shocked and disappointed.... I find that if you hear somebody say the same things over and over to you, you start to almost believe it. You start to question everything about yourself. Thoughts, feelings, opinions, self worth everything! I don't know how to deal with all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Brenda Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Originally posted by lost 'n alone He says I'm just playing the victim so that I can get people to feel sorry for me ...and that if people saw me for who I truly am they would be shocked and disappointed.... I find that if you hear somebody say the same things over and over to you, you start to almost believe it. You start to question everything about yourself. Thoughts, feelings, opinions, self worth everything! He is trying to knock your confidence so he can control you. When he starts berating you like this just say to him 'well, I'd believe you, but there just one thing I don't get. YOU are the only person that thinks I am a bad person. Everyone else thinks I am GREAT'. But with any luck you won't need to say these words to him, because you won't be having any contact with him. Yes, my MM does try to control me. If I get crazy about the situation he will start questioning my mental health and I hate that. Being in this situation is enough to turn even the most sane person into a head case. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 What a......... ????? .... ???? I just can't find the words to describe the cruelty, callousness, and cowardice of the MM who wrote that email. And I feel queasy about thinking about the pain that you let him put you through. Please everybody. Read Brenda's story. And don't let people do stuff like this to you for even 6 hours, let alone 6 years... Link to post Share on other sites
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