Scarlett5 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) (I am talking about relationships in which young children are not involved). This is something I always ponder and so I thought I would share my thoughts with you. I’ve read many posts on here and seen it happen many times - where people are clinging onto their relationships despite their unhappiness. Some are staying married and cheating but do not want a divorce….why not move on until you are actually ready to commit yourself to one person? Someare unhappy in sexless marriages. Some in emotionally unsatisfying marriages. Someare, god forbid, nearing 30 (or even 25) and think they are running out of time. Some are older, kids have moved out, but ‘what’s the point in moving on….I’ll never meet anyone else at my age’. I imagine there are many other scenarios. It seems some people are afraid to ‘move on’ in case they don’t meet someone else more suitable. The thing I can never understand is, if you don’t ever find anyone else as suitable as your past partner/s…..so what? Surely it’s not the be all and end all? You will get over your past partners and what is wrong with going on to meet new ones? Throughout life you will change as a person and so what/who you wanted once upon a time will not always be the same. So chances are, you will meet someone else eventually and be even happier than you could have imagined. It seems to me the bottom line for many people is that they don’t want to be single. That fact seems to be the major influencer in relationship decisions, and I think that is pretty scary. People everywhere are in the midst of dysfunction to avoid being single. Really? I often find a lot of advice on here is geared towards staying in the relationship. I actually think many of you posters are full of wisdom and give great advice. But this is one thing that I frequently question. For example, ‘remember what it was about that person that made you fall in love with them’. What we fall in love with is not always what we then go on to live with and marry. How about, ‘remember with fondness what you fell in love with but accept that the relationship isn’t right for you anymore and move on’? Build a new life, maybe with someone else, maybe with yourself for a while. By no means do I think it should be a case of, ‘oh, I’m not really keen about that certain aspect of someone’s personality….I’m going to move on and not try to work at it at all’. I appreciate that emotional maturity is much deeper than that, and so it should be. Relationships are hard work at times, and compromise and communication are key. I get that. But, just sometimes, if you have tried to make it work and it has made you unhappy for a prolonged period of time. Leave. Move on. Be single and discover more about yourself. This will actually help you to meet someone more suitable, if nothing else. But staying because, ultimately, you are scared of being ‘alone’, is surely short changing yourself and not allowing yourself to live life to its full potential. For those who have had this experience>>> think about the relationships you’ve been reluctant to leave in the past, and how you’ve looked back on them and thought, ‘thank god I got out of that one!’ When you’re out of the situation and over the person, you can then see how much happier and better off you are without them. Now imagine if you’d stayed. What an awful thought. I am not posting to offend anyone who might be in a difficult situation…I appreciate this may just be a matter of opinion and, after all, that is part of what makes us unique. Certainly food for thought though. Edited December 2, 2012 by Scarlett5 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Money is often a factor. Having to lower one's standard, facing financially hard(er) times. For women especially, eg housewives who gave up a career to raise kids and maintain the household. When the kids are off to college, they're in their 40s/50s with no professional experience to show for, plus having to face ageism in the business world. Even if they do have some kind of a degree, they won't be hired, due to lack of experience, full-time experience, lengthy maternity breaks etc. those women will think about leaving an M twice, thrice, many times. They're facing poverty in some cases (despite getting half of H's 401k......lol). And yes of course....fear of getting old alone and being lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlett5 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Money is often a factor. Good point. You can't put a price on happiness though hey. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 No, but living in fear of a never-ending financial disaster for the rest of your life when you're 45 won't make you any happier either. Link to post Share on other sites
redtomato Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 It is better to be alone than wish you were Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlett5 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 No, but living in fear of a never-ending financial disaster for the rest of your life when you're 45 won't make you any happier either. So either way, that person is destined for a life of unhappiness? How about separate and work towards making a life of their own? Instead of relying on someone else to provide for them? The only person you can reply on to make you happy is yourself, after all 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aahnaagrwal Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Actually i ma not agree on this statement. If you commit any relation ship then it would be a long lasting relationship. But according to your story if you want to leave any relation in which you are in then you can drop your relation any time. It does not have any time limit to carry it more. So when you think about your relation at the satisfactory level then you can drop this idea and make a alone and free life. Link to post Share on other sites
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