I don't understand why girlfriend is being so distant?

[Sleeper]

I'm dating a girl in her first year of med-school right now. We started dating the same time she started med-school. I've known her for like 7-8 years, and we've always had great chemistry so I was super psyched when we finally got together. We've been dating for about 4 months now.

 

Going into the relationship I knew that things wouldn't be easy. I knew I wouldn't get to see her as much as I would like, I knew she would often be stressed out, and I knew if things worked out...it would be like that for many years. I didn't care...it was worth the risk for me.

 

Things in the beginning seemed great. I was seeing her like twice a week, and we were constantly sending each other cheesy romantic texts. I began to fall for her really quickly because I've known her for years and we have a blast together. I was sending her flowers and snack packages before each big exam, leaving romantic notes in her room after staying over, and I was constantly the one driving over to her place because my schedule was more flexible than hers.

 

I think because I was falling for this girl, I was blinded. I began to notice things that bothered me. She was constantly hanging out with these two guys (not necessarily one-on-one) but there were facebook pics posted that got me a little jealous. I confronted her about it and she explained that theyre just two of her better friends she has in school. Weeks later she tells me one of the guys confessed he likes her, and there are also rumors going around in her med school class that she had slept with those two guys. She obviously says she didn't and I believed her and trust her. I'm a pretty easy going guy and, although it took me awhile, I got passed it.

 

I noticed that as time went on...the relationship began to seem like a one way street. I was always the one sending the cheesy messages, I was always the one calling her to see how she was doing, I was always the one who would ask when I could hang with her again.

 

Again, I confronted her and she explained how she's just super stressed and exhausted at school. I understood. Then it seemed I began to drop lower and lower on her priority list.

 

She constantly sees her med school friends all day everyday at school and hangs out with them a lot during the week. Lately she seems to want to hang out with them more than me. I tried to hang out with her last weekend, but she said she had a AMA fundraiser to go to (didn't tell me there was also a med school birthday party that night). I asked the next day, but she had a med school potluck to go to. She never even thought to invite me to any of these.

 

She never invited me to a lot of other things in the past as well including: a couple concerts (one she went with those two guys) a few dinner parties, and one time she planned on doing a 15K with her best girl friend from high school. Her friend couldn't go so my girlfriend invited one of those med school guy friends to take her place instead of me. Even when we do go out together, she tends to spend more time talking with her other guy friends.

 

It constantly seems like she only hangs out with me because nothing else is going on....like I'm her second choice.

 

It's confusing because when we are alone together, things are amazing.

 

I've confronted her about all of this and she tends to throw out things like "i'm afraid of getting too attached," "I'm very distracted and stressed from school," "I like hanging with guys better than girls," "I don't mean to hurt you," "I don't really know how much I can offer you right now," "Im afraid of getting hurt"

 

She's a very closed off person. She's been through some bad relationships in the past and I seem to be paying for it. We've known each other forever so I try to get her to trust her and open up to me...tell me what's bothering her and why she seems so distant. She won't do it. I constantly tell her how I feel about her and how much I care to make her feel more secure, but she won't give any affection back.

 

WHY IS SHE DOING THIS TO ME??

 

Sorry this is so long. Any insight is greatly appreciated.

[newmoon]

don't make excuses for her behavior - it sounds like you're helping to justify why she cannot be with you. when, in actuality, her words and actions are telling you everything you need to know about the status of your relationship. there isn't one, or not much of one. she doesn't have time for you and she's actually telling you that ... why the confusion? let her go and move on to someone who can make you their top priority. perhaps the friendship is actually working against you at this point; she's known you so long you've become mr reliable and she knows she can use you to fall back upon when times get rough. don't be so interested in her that you neglect to see that she might be using you. just my take on it :-)

[KraftDinner]

She is definitely being very clear about her feelings. There seems to be no ambiguity. Unfortunately, you don't seem to be listening.

[hopelessromantic123]

It looks like she's not into you. You seem like a great guy, you should focus all that energy on a girl who actually deserves it and wants it.

[crude]

When guys become doctors (or even still in med school) they feel they're too good for their old girlfriends. Maybe she feels she needs to hang with a higher class of person.

[charlietheginger]

Some women need space....

 

Give her space.... when you love a bird

U take it out of its cage. That bird flys

Around enjoys life if it comes back be happy

If it flys away then you accept that the bird

Is happy flying and enjoying life..

 

Never keep a women caged up they will

Eventually slide out of the cage between

The bars and never come back...

[Eddie Edirol]

Whgen she tells you shes afraid of getting too attached, its a lie. She likes her male friends more than you, and probably is sleeping with one of them. Its only been 4 months, you might have smothered her with too much affection. Or she was never that into you. Anyway she is probably seeing one of those guys now, if not, she is working on it. They do things for her emotionally that you dont, or they look better, or both. Theres nothing you can do about it, she isnt going to tell you that she is getting ready to dump you until she dumps you. So for now, you'll have to play the game.

 

Dont contact her, until she comes looking for you. When she does, you be as distant as she is. Be too busy for her. make her work for you. When she starts to ask why, you give her the same reason she gave you. It wont get her to tell you what you might have done wrong, or why she lost her attraction, but she might open up if she thinks she will lose her safety net and be on her own.

[Cutiepie1976]

She is definitely being very clear about her feelings. There seems to be no ambiguity. Unfortunately, you don't seem to be listening.

 

She is being very clear both in what she says to you and through her actions and choices. She is done. She is moving on. At some point you'll have to accept what she's said to you. Sorry, but fighting the situation is not going to get her to change her mind at this point.

[seibert253]

Stop chasing her. Make her chase you.

Go stone cold NC. Don't call, text, email, nothing. See how long it takes for her to CALL you. If she texts, just answer with one or two word answers. See if she actually takes the time to CALL you.

When she does, just explain to her that she seems to be growing distant, and you're giving her the "space" she desires.

Start acting "distant" toward her. How she reacts to this will let you know which direction this relationship is headed.

 

Peace.