High profile second chancers

[FitChick]

I am the type of person who, once dumped, never takes the guy back. I am wondering if, faced with the same situation, I should reconsider.

 

I thought of two high profile couples -- Prince William and Kate, and Sly Stallone and Jennifer -- who got happily married after being dumped in front of a world audience. How humiliating for the women!

 

I'm just wondering what happened behind the scenes, what were all parties thinking, etc.

[soccerrprp]

fitchick,

 

i think that there are circumstances in which reconsideration may be needed. it simply depends on how and what your relationship was prior to...

 

i was dumped 6-months ago, but under good terms. my ex (no seeing) seemed to be uncertain about having a ltr, but we made efforts to remain friends and it grown into more (again).

[Cutiepie1976]

Both in high profile cases and in real life, people routinely get back together and continue to progress in their relationships. Pretty much all my friends who are now happily married, had a significant break-up while dating that looked as if the relationship was over. My best friend has been married to her hubby for almost ten years now after two significant splits while they dated, the second lasting close to two years. The idea that it's smooth sailing prior to marriage is a myth.

 

I certainly don't buy into the no contact nonsense if you might get back together. But you also need to put emotions aside and act like mature adults who respect each other despite breaking up, and who can respect each other's wishes. After reading many of the epithets that dumpees call their exes during a break-up on these boards, I guess that's easier said than done for many. Delayed gratification and respecting the other person's boundaries doesn't seem to be a strong suit in the heat of the moment when some are angry. That's probably where this no-contact mumbo jumbo comes from.

 

Anyway, reportedly Kate remained friends after she moved out and made a point of keeping communication lines open. She also went out socially with a couple of other guys but made it clear she wasn't dating them or looking to get serious with anyone else. And she found ways to remain in Prince William's social circle and have their paths cross occasionally (e.g. attending his cousin's wedding). Of course this is all from the media, so who knows where the truth lies!

 

But I certainly do know the details of my close friends' stories, since I was their shoulder to cry/wail on. People absolutely do get back together if there is a foundation of love and respect, and at least occasional communication is maintained.

 

Great topic! Glad you started this thread. I was just thinking about this a week ago! My ex and I are in the process of getting back together. Some hiccups, but we're making progress.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Both in high profile cases and in real life, people routinely get back together and continue to progress in their relationships. Pretty much all my friends who are now happily married, had a significant break-up while dating that looked as if the relationship was over. My best friend has been married to her hubby for almost ten years now after two significant splits while they dated, the second lasting close to two years. The idea that it's smooth sailing prior to marriage is a myth.

 

I certainly don't buy into the no contact nonsense if you might get back together. But you also need to put emotions aside and act like mature adults who respect each other despite breaking up, and who can respect each other's wishes. After reading many of the epithets that dumpees call their exes during a break-up on these boards, I guess that's easier said than done for many. Delayed gratification and respecting the other person's boundaries doesn't seem to be a strong suit in the heat of the moment when some are angry. That's probably where this no-contact mumbo jumbo comes from.

 

Anyway, reportedly Kate remained friends after she moved out and made a point of keeping communication lines open. She also went out socially with a couple of other guys but made it clear she wasn't dating them or looking to get serious with anyone else. And she found ways to remain in Prince William's social circle and have their paths cross occasionally (e.g. attending his cousin's wedding). Of course this is all from the media, so who knows where the truth lies!

 

But I certainly do know the details of my close friends' stories, since I was their shoulder to cry/wail on. People absolutely do get back together if there is a foundation of love and respect, and at least occasional communication is maintained.

 

Great topic! Glad you started this thread. I was just thinking about this a week ago! My ex and I are in the process of getting back together. Some hiccups, but we're making progress.

That's kind of good news.. Maybe my ex and I will get together again

[FitChick]

I suppose if you have a chance to become Queen you might put aside your pride. I wonder if she saw a psychic who told her to hang in there.

[Cutiepie1976]

From what I've seen, in any reconciliation, both individuals put aside their differences and address the primary issue(s) that caused the split.

 

The issue was she wanted to get married (she was mid/late 20's at the time) and he didn't...he wasn't sure what he wanted although he was more than happy to continue living together. She stormed out when she got her Christmas present and it was jewelry but NOT an engagement ring...again! So she left him and went back home to live with her parents.

 

To win her back, he took her on safari to Kenya and proposed with his mum's engagement ring. Took almost two years to get back together.

 

I dunno. I don't really see that as swallowing her pride or it being her focused on becoming queen. I think she genuinely loved him but was exasperated and didn't want to be strung along indefinitely. Who would? (Again, I don't know them. Just see media reports.) Nor do I see being civil and friendly to your ex after you've broken up as swallowing your pride. You were very close for a long time. How do you just ignore that connection?

[FitChick]

The issue was she wanted to get married (she was mid/late 20's at the time) and he didn't...he wasn't sure what he wanted although he was more than happy to continue living together. She stormed out when she got her Christmas present and it was jewelry but NOT an engagement ring...

 

Gosh, this reminded me of another couple I know. She moved countries to be with him. When she got diamond earrings for Christmas, she threw them outside in the snow. They got married later as well. Just goes to show that you have to give some guys an ultimatum!

[CptSaveAho]

What you people dont understand was....

 

There was no ultimatum

.... people are ready when they are ready

.... you cant force a relationship on someone when they dont want one (this is a huge thing for women as they mature faster then guys)

 

The simple fact was he wasnt ready, so she left and closed her eyes and "waited" for him to be ready. He didnt "win" her back, she fell in his arms

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What you people dont understand was....

 

There was no ultimatum

.... people are ready when they are ready

.... you cant force a relationship on someone when they dont want one (this is a huge thing for women as they mature faster then guys)

 

The simple fact was he wasnt ready, so she left and closed her eyes and "waited" for him to be ready. He didnt "win" her back, she fell in his arms

 

I feel like guys need time limits, I wouldn't date someone longer than 4 years without a ring.. if we hit the 4 year mark and there is no ring then peace out! If you date someone that long you should be ready no excuses.

[Sugarkane]

In my experience so far it doesn't work. I can't think of any friends/ family that got back together/ married after a recon. Not one.

[Sugarkane]

NC isn't stupid. You have friends/ family so why be desperate to be friends with one person? Contact can be very painful. Slot of dumpers are hostile despite being the dumper. Why can't they be civil to us? NC is to move on not be a doormat.

Both in high profile cases and in real life, people routinely get back together and continue to progress in their relationships. Pretty much all my friends who are now happily married, had a significant break-up while dating that looked as if the relationship was over. My best friend has been married to her hubby for almost ten years now after two significant splits while they dated, the second lasting close to two years. The idea that it's smooth sailing prior to marriage is a myth.

 

I certainly don't buy into the no contact nonsense if you might get back together. But you also need to put emotions aside and act like mature adults who respect each other despite breaking up, and who can respect each other's wishes. After reading many of the epithets that dumpees call their exes during a break-up on these boards, I guess that's easier said than done for many. Delayed gratification and respecting the other person's boundaries doesn't seem to be a strong suit in the heat of the moment when some are angry. That's probably where this no-contact mumbo jumbo comes from.

 

Anyway, reportedly Kate remained friends after she moved out and made a point of keeping communication lines open. She also went out socially with a couple of other guys but made it clear she wasn't dating them or looking to get serious with anyone else. And she found ways to remain in Prince William's social circle and have their paths cross occasionally (e.g. attending his cousin's wedding). Of course this is all from the media, so who knows where the truth lies!

 

But I certainly do know the details of my close friends' stories, since I was their shoulder to cry/wail on. People absolutely do get back together if there is a foundation of love and respect, and at least occasional communication is maintained.

 

Great topic! Glad you started this thread. I was just thinking about this a week ago! My ex and I are in the process of getting back together. Some hiccups, but we're making progress.

[Mrlonelyone]

To the OP. As others have said people are not always ready for a relationship or even dating right off the bat. Second chances are more about getting the timing and circumstances right.

 

Further a second chance can only happen if the break up was truly ammicable or a long time has passed.

 

My favorite example of this is my parents. My father and mother broke up and dated others, to the point of living with them, a couple of times before finally settling in. It took them from 1971 to 1980 to get married.

 

A good historical example. Pierre and Marie Currie. Pierre asked Marie to marry him three times in the space of a year. The first time was after knowing her for three months, not dating the whole time either. If Pierre had gone NC after the first rejection science would've been set back a decade or more.

[Sugarkane]

At what point do you stop trying before you're told that youre desperate and psycho by them? He was lucky Marie Curie "didn't want to be in a relationship" and then "in love" with someone else a week later.

To the OP. As others have said people are not always ready for a relationship or even dating right off the bat. Second chances are more about getting the timing and circumstances right.

 

Further a second chance can only happen if the break up was truly ammicable or a long time has passed.

 

My favorite example of this is my parents. My father and mother broke up and dated others, to the point of living with them, a couple of times before finally settling in. It took them from 1971 to 1980 to get married.

 

A good historical example. Pierre and Marie Currie. Pierre asked Marie to marry him three times in the space of a year. The first time was after knowing her for three months, not dating the whole time either. If Pierre had gone NC after the first rejection science would've been set back a decade or more.

[blue_jay_bird]

But to me it sounds like Kate was NC.

 

Because i don't see how her keeping in contact with the prince would have made him come crawling back. ..

 

It looked more like she got out there showed off, and Will came back.

 

... i don't think she was texting him to get coffee and hang out.

[FitChick]

Here's a second chance that took a while but...

[Quest4_TheLost]

Ty for posting that cutiepie. Its nice to see some positivity on these issues.

I no longer want my ex back for to many reasons to count. But I read these forums a lot and its always nice to see a happy ending. Unfortunatly we don't get to see them often enough here. But that definetly dosen't mean they don't exsist!!

[Cutiepie1976]

Gosh, this reminded me of another couple I know. She moved countries to be with him. When she got diamond earrings for Christmas, she threw them outside in the snow. They got married later as well. Just goes to show that you have to give some guys an ultimatum!

 

Yes, some guys don't think!

 

If you're nearing the one-year mark, and it's a jewelry box, please make sure it's a large jewelry box (bracelet, necklace, etc.) and not a "ring" size box, if it's not an engagement ring but it's a gift of other jewelry.

 

And yes, many guys do need an ultimatum to encourage them to move forward. Realizing that they will definitely lose their girlfriend if they don't commit, seems to get them to act. It's pretty common.

 

I was talking with a friend at work recently who's been happily married for 30 years. Almost two years into dating, her now husband was waffling whenever the topic of marriage came up, so she took a job on the other side of the country, moved, and broke up with him. When he expressed surprise, she said she didn't see the point. If at two years he wasn't sure, then she wasn't the right person for him to marry and she was getting on with her life. He proposed a couple months later, moved to be with her, and they had a huge wedding the following June.

[Cutiepie1976]

In my experience so far it doesn't work. I can't think of any friends/ family that got back together/ married after a recon. Not one.

 

Well sugarkane, I've never seen a meerkat. Doesn't mean they don't exist or that they're a fantasy or that I'll never see one...ever. No, it just means that I have never personally observed one so far.

 

Ditto for reconciliations that result in long-lasting relationships.

[Cutiepie1976]

NC isn't stupid. You have friends/ family so why be desperate to be friends with one person? Contact can be very painful. Slot of dumpers are hostile despite being the dumper. Why can't they be civil to us? NC is to move on not be a doormat.

 

If you go back and read my post, I talked about amicable breakups--where the partners continue to respect each other, respect each other's wishes about the breakup, and remain civil throughout.

 

I also commented that those incapable of controlling their anger, who called their exes all types of unmentionable epithets, and were incapable of delayed gratification because of their emotions in the heat of the moment, probably do benefit from NC.

 

Certainly if one is going to turn into a desperate doormat, then NC is probably a good idea. Most of us however are not desperate doormats. NC, like anything else doesn't make sense as a blanket rule to apply to everyone. Like anything, it's a judgement call whether it should be applied in a particular situation. That's my stance, anyway. We'll have to agree to disagree.

[Cutiepie1976]

But to me it sounds like Kate was NC.

 

Because i don't see how her keeping in contact with the prince would have made him come crawling back. ..

 

It looked more like she got out there showed off, and Will came back.

 

... i don't think she was texting him to get coffee and hang out.

 

Au contraire! She is the one who kept communication going after the breakup and maintained a friendship. He went out drinking with his friends, would get drunk and handsy with any pretty 19- or 20-year old at the bar and invite them all back to his place for more fun. She in the meanwhile finagled invites to events she knew he would attend with his family. So if he was going to a particular horse race, she went out of her way to get someone in his party to invite her as a guest, so that she could sit in his box. Ditto for his cousin's wedding. She went as the guest of someone else in the wedding party since she hadn't been invited. Not quite texting him to meet her at her local Starbucks or Pret.

 

So yes, she gave him his space and became her own person, but she definitely didn't just disappear completely off his radar screen. She made it clear that SHE was unattached...not dating anyone seriously, even though she was obviously getting interest from others.

 

Like anything else in life, you have to exercise your judgement and figure out what's best for you in your situation. Blanket rules aren't always the best recourse in a particular case.

[Sugarkane]

Well sugarkane, I've never seen a meerkat. Doesn't mean they don't exist or that they're a fantasy or that I'll never see one...ever. No, it just means that I have never personally observed one so far.

 

Ditto for reconciliations that result in long-lasting relationships.

 

Sure but most people don't even get a second chance on here. Most people get blamed fully for the breakup, get nothing but strung along and breadcrumbs. Most of the time it leads to mire heartache and delaying meeting someone nicer and better. How many recons have worked on here? Not many. If it works your the exception, not the rule.

[Sugarkane]

Well sugarkane, I've never seen a meerkat. Doesn't mean they don't exist or that they're a fantasy or that I'll never see one...ever. No, it just means that I have never personally observed one so far.

 

Ditto for reconciliations that result in long-lasting relationships.

 

If you read GreenPolicy, SeriousBob12 and our threads we were dumped out of the blue and tastelessly. We did everything right yet never got a recon. Unlike 90% of people on here never begged or pleaded. Yet still no recon.