theresmychippy Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. I'm 19 and she's 23 with a wonderful little boy. We moved in together fairly quickly and things were great. We love each other very much, and I've always trusted her. Recently however, I've been beginning to have some doubts about her faithfulness. A few months ago a friend of ours was coming by our house that night to visit. Lets call him Brian. (these plans were made while at another friends place). Well, after these plans were made she complained of feeling sick and left very quickly. So quickly that she did not take me with her, which was strange because we only had one vehicle at the time. I assumed that the plans with Brian were called off, but when she picked me up she told me that he still came over. The next thing that happened really started to bother me. A few nights later, Brian and 3 of his friends stopped by unannounced. All was going well, but after a few hours I got pretty tired and stopped talking. I meant no harm by this, and if you know me this is normal. One of Brian's friends seemed offended and said "I got with a cougar once. If he's pissed off about it he should say something." I didn't understand why he said it but immediately after the room fell silent and my girlfriends face went red. And recently my girlfriend has been giving Brian a whole lot of attention. I catch her staring at him when he's across the room several times. When he's nearby, she laughs very loud at all of his jokes and stories. When she speaks to him she locks eyes with him and smiles like I've never seen her smile before. Even when there are 30 people in the same room he gets all of her attention. This makes me extremely uncomfortable. I want to mistake this all for jealousy but I just can't. My gut is telling me very bad things Link to post Share on other sites
Author theresmychippy Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 This is my first real relationship so if anyone can give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I think people might be holding back since you seem to have answered yourself, putting aside the cougar stuff, which could just be " talking to a jerk" . Your girlfriend is showing signs of attraction to another person while you are around. At minimum this needs a conversation with her, it is disrespectful and if you allow now it will only get worse. She will very likely say "he is just a friend" but you still gotta do it, the other thing you should make clear is you will not abide by cheating, if she strays it's over. This may be your first relationship but that does not mean it has to be your last r that you should get walked on. Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) He said that and you just kept quiet? You should have caught him by his collar and thrown him out of your home. Ask the cougar if she wants to be dropped off permanently at Brian's place or his friend's place. Looks like something is brewing between Brian and your girlfriend. Ask her about the night Brian visited. How long did he stay and why did she entertain him if she was feeling sick. Edit: What's with him and his friends stopping by your place unannounced and staying there for hours together? Why is it your responsibility to keep them entertained for as long as they decided to stay there? It's not like you guys have invited them over to your place. Edited December 3, 2012 by Later82012 Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Doesn't sound good. Have a talk with your woman, and don't back off when she starts that "you're just jealous" crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Okay, Maybe I'm not understanding correctly. You heard Brian was coming by for a visit while you two were out. All of the sudden, she states that she "was feeling sick" and left you stranded where ever you were for a few hours with no means of transportation. She comes back later and said, "Oh yeah, Brian did come by for a visit!" Really!?!? Then, you were tired at a get together where you were all at and someone mistook you for being pissed and said, " I was with a cougar once. If he's pissed off about it, he should say something." Dude, red flag number two. Dude, make plans to move out. Get something set up somewhere. Some people won't agree with me, but go ahead and buy some Voice Activated Recorder's (VAR's). Hide one in a room in your place where she normally talks on the phone. And then go to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty velcro and use it on another VAR and secure it under the driver seat of her car. Most cheaters do their communications while driving. review the recordings when she's not around. Also, you can try to look through her texts while she's in the shower if she doesn't have a lock on her phone. Another red flags is if she's guarding that phone like it was Fort Knox when she used to never do that before. Most people will tell you not to do all of this; just move out. And normally I would agree. But, it being so close to the holidays and there's a little boy that I'm sure has an attachment to you, I would hate for you to turn his world upside down if it was all a misunderstanding. I would want to be 100% sure that something was going on before doing anything drastic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I agree with chi completley. Its true pretty much 90% of the time your gut is right about things. But it gets really difficult to just move out and cut things off without proof. Your going to agonize over it and try to talk yourself out of it because after all you could be over reaccting. Other then the txt messages which is definetly your best bet! If you can't get her phone for whatever reason try to get a hold of her phone bill. You can see how often she is calling someone and how often they're communicating. I always had to go this route as I wasn't willing to just leave or throw away a relationship based on the fact I MIGHT be right. Maybe I was being over emotional? Clingy or crazy. I had to see it for myself. You could talk to her although in most cases no one is going to just come out with the truth. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. I'm 19 and she's 23 with a wonderful little boy. We moved in together fairly quickly and things were great. We love each other very much, and I've always trusted her. Recently however, I've been beginning to have some doubts about her faithfulness. A few months ago a friend of ours was coming by our house that night to visit. Lets call him Brian. (these plans were made while at another friends place). Well, after these plans were made she complained of feeling sick and left very quickly. So quickly that she did not take me with her, which was strange because we only had one vehicle at the time. I assumed that the plans with Brian were called off, but when she picked me up she told me that he still came over. The next thing that happened really started to bother me. A few nights later, Brian and 3 of his friends stopped by unannounced. All was going well, but after a few hours I got pretty tired and stopped talking. I meant no harm by this, and if you know me this is normal. One of Brian's friends seemed offended and said "I got with a cougar once. If he's pissed off about it he should say something." I didn't understand why he said it but immediately after the room fell silent and my girlfriends face went red. And recently my girlfriend has been giving Brian a whole lot of attention. I catch her staring at him when he's across the room several times. When he's nearby, she laughs very loud at all of his jokes and stories. When she speaks to him she locks eyes with him and smiles like I've never seen her smile before. Even when there are 30 people in the same room he gets all of her attention. This makes me extremely uncomfortable. I want to mistake this all for jealousy but I just can't. My gut is telling me very bad things This is hardest part of being in a relationship and especialy with overly flirty men and women. Even when there didn't happen anything... (what I doubt). Did you speak with your gf about this? Also even if she didn't cheated why would you want te be with a person how does these things to you? The girl is very disrespectful in my book (the lying part and leave you at a place and let brian came over, being openly flirty with brian etc (because mabey she didn't cheat but she flirting from what i read at you post). You are 19 years old..... Go find a good women how show's her partner some desecent respect! Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Okay, Maybe I'm not understanding correctly. You heard Brian was coming by for a visit while you two were out. All of the sudden, she states that she "was feeling sick" and left you stranded where ever you were for a few hours with no means of transportation. She comes back later and said, "Oh yeah, Brian did come by for a visit!" Really!?!? Then, you were tired at a get together where you were all at and someone mistook you for being pissed and said, " I was with a cougar once. If he's pissed off about it, he should say something." Dude, red flag number two. Dude, make plans to move out. Get something set up somewhere. Some people won't agree with me, but go ahead and buy some Voice Activated Recorder's (VAR's). Hide one in a room in your place where she normally talks on the phone. And then go to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty velcro and use it on another VAR and secure it under the driver seat of her car. Most cheaters do their communications while driving. review the recordings when she's not around. Also, you can try to look through her texts while she's in the shower if she doesn't have a lock on her phone. Another red flags is if she's guarding that phone like it was Fort Knox when she used to never do that before. Most people will tell you not to do all of this; just move out. And normally I would agree. But, it being so close to the holidays and there's a little boy that I'm sure has an attachment to you, I would hate for you to turn his world upside down if it was all a misunderstanding. I would want to be 100% sure that something was going on before doing anything drastic. I agree with everything. Yet I wouldn't go in detective mode. (because if he founds nothing does it mean that she didn't cheat, or that she is just good at hiding her tracks?) Also from what he tells, he shoud just make a the decision based on the facts hey already has. Even if she didn't cheat. Why would he be with someone that doesn't show any desecent respect towards him. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Yeah, a lot of people would say that if you aren't married and you aren't obligated to the other person. There's no need for you to go into PI mode. (which is with the checking the cell phone bills, and the VAR's and keylogger on the computer) That if you HAVE to go into the PI mode, then the relationship is already done. But, I say that you have every RIGHT to know what's going on in your relationship. That if you're being played, at least you deserve to know the truth (as painful as it may be). People will say, you need to talk to her about it. Well, one thing about cheaters is they are incredibly good liars. And they will only admit to what you can prove. Since you have nothing other than "your gut" and speculation, do you think she's going to admit to any wrong doing? And the only thing you've accomplished is teaching her to hide it better. PLay stupid. The more she thinks you're clueless the better the chances she's going to make a mistake. If you do find out that something is going on with her and Brian NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES!!! Don't tell her HOW you found out...just that you know. And move on with your life. Let her think that one of her friends dimed her out. You'll be surprised on how many cheaters are more concerned on HOW you found out rather than how they hurt you because you actually found them out. Makes your head spin. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Okay, Maybe I'm not understanding correctly. You heard Brian was coming by for a visit while you two were out. All of the sudden, she states that she "was feeling sick" and left you stranded where ever you were for a few hours with no means of transportation. She comes back later and said, "Oh yeah, Brian did come by for a visit!" Really!?!? Then, you were tired at a get together where you were all at and someone mistook you for being pissed and said, " I was with a cougar once. If he's pissed off about it, he should say something." Dude, red flag number two. Dude, make plans to move out. Get something set up somewhere. Some people won't agree with me, but go ahead and buy some Voice Activated Recorder's (VAR's). Hide one in a room in your place where she normally talks on the phone. And then go to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty velcro and use it on another VAR and secure it under the driver seat of her car. Most cheaters do their communications while driving. review the recordings when she's not around. Also, you can try to look through her texts while she's in the shower if she doesn't have a lock on her phone. Another red flags is if she's guarding that phone like it was Fort Knox when she used to never do that before. Most people will tell you not to do all of this; just move out. And normally I would agree. But, it being so close to the holidays and there's a little boy that I'm sure has an attachment to you, I would hate for you to turn his world upside down if it was all a misunderstanding. I would want to be 100% sure that something was going on before doing anything drastic. Yeah, a lot of people would say that if you aren't married and you aren't obligated to the other person. There's no need for you to go into PI mode. (which is with the checking the cell phone bills, and the VAR's and keylogger on the computer) That if you HAVE to go into the PI mode, then the relationship is already done. But, I say that you have every RIGHT to know what's going on in your relationship. That if you're being played, at least you deserve to know the truth (as painful as it may be). People will say, you need to talk to her about it. Well, one thing about cheaters is they are incredibly good liars. And they will only admit to what you can prove. Since you have nothing other than "your gut" and speculation, do you think she's going to admit to any wrong doing? And the only thing you've accomplished is teaching her to hide it better. PLay stupid. The more she thinks you're clueless the better the chances she's going to make a mistake. If you do find out that something is going on with her and Brian NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES!!! Don't tell her HOW you found out...just that you know. And move on with your life. Let her think that one of her friends dimed her out. You'll be surprised on how many cheaters are more concerned on HOW you found out rather than how they hurt you because you actually found them out. Makes your head spin. Your GF has banged at least two of these guys from what you have told us. She dumped you without a car. They pop over unannouced at your house then blurt out get over about one of them banging a cougar. They totally disrespected you in front of your GF. Hinting how they banged your GF in a manner that you can't confront because they will go straight to deny mode and claim that they were not taking about your GF. If you have been on these posts long enough you will learn that your gut is never wrong. I would get the VAR for the apt and her car to get the proof. Never reveal how you got your proof. Then confront the cheater, then leave her. As pointed Link to post Share on other sites
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